Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/Archive/26

Thyroid cancer
Would like an expert editor to review and possibly improve this new article I created. Immunize (talk) 17:59, 10 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi Immunize, you might be better off asking at Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Medicine where there are likely to be editors familiar with the subject. Regards, -- Beloved Freak  13:51, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Did you look at the article, or do you feel that only a medical expert should review the article? Immunize (talk) (talk) 17:52, 11 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, I looked at the article. With respect to the manual of style, it looks fine (other than the format of the citation, which is a bare url at the moment). It has a reference. I'm not sure what other feedback you're looking for, since it's only three lines long. I suggested the Wikiproject because if you're looking for collaboration, you're more likely to find someone there with a specific interest in the subject. And, I don't know enough about this to be sure, but since the first sentence of Thyroid neoplasm says "Thyroid neoplasm or thyroid cancer usually refers to...", is this other article necessary? I see it was previously a redirect to Thyroid neoplasm. Is there any reason in particular you thought it warranted a separate article?-- Beloved Freak  18:06, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

A thyroid neoplasm can be benign or malignant, thyroid cancer is malignant by definition. Furthermore, the treatment for benign thyroid neoplasm (such as thyroid adenoma) differs completely from that of a malignant thyroid neoplasm. Immunize (talk) (talk) 18:15, 11 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, as I say I don't know too much about it. However, the article at Thyroid neoplasm looks like it covers this too. As well as the Wikiproject, it might be worth starting a discussion at Talk:Thyroid neoplasm, perhaps also saying what you think ought to be expanded, and what expert help you need. -- Beloved Freak  18:26, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sergiosbox/Stockholm_Lisboa_Project
Hello,

I just created my first article about a Swedeish/Portuguese music group. Because I'm not used to Wiki I would apreciate some input before I think about submiting it as a mainspace article.

Thank you for any help! Sérgio Crisóstomo —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sergiosbox (talk • contribs) 07:45, 11 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi Sergio, thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. This is not a bad start, however it is important that you provide reliable third party references to substantiate the content of the article. If you're unsure, please take a look at this and WP:RS for more details. All the best, - Reconsider !  11:47, 11 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you for the input! I added 3 references that are "factual" and give a proof of what I wrote. They don't add new information, just add detail/proof to it. I supose that was your suggestion. Am I far from "safely" suggesting it to the mainspace?

Meanwhile how do I answer to your comment? like I did, just add ":" on the page and "write"?

Thank you again!, Sergiosbox (talk) 19:50, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

The Latimer Group
User:SlatersGarage/The Latimer Group

Looking for feedback on an article I'm working on about The Latimer Group, a communications coaching firm in Wallingford Connecticut. Subheads include info on its founder, as well as company history...

This is my first Wikipedia article, so I'm hoping I got it pretty close... Feedback would be much appreciated.

Thanks SlatersGarage (talk) 13:24, 12 April 2010 (UTC)SlatersGarage 04-12-10


 * At the moment it reads like a promotional piece for the company and its founder, which is a violation of WP:Spam. Also, it does not demonstrate how or why the company is notable per the guidelines at WP:CORP, although it is possible that Brenner may be notable enough per WP:BIO for his sailing activities. In either case you will need to WP:CITE non-trivial coverage in multiple sources independent of the subject to show notability. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 14:03, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

TV Specialists, Inc page
I found a page about a local Appliance/Electronic store in Utah called R.C. Willey and decided to create a page about a local Electronic/Custom Installation store called TV Specialists, Inc. I would like to get it reviewed and posted and I believe this is the next step? TV_Specialists,_Inc

User:Since1953/TV Specialists, Inc

Thank you!

Sorry about the link - couldn't get it to work right.

Since1953 (talk) 16:21, 12 April 2010 (UTC)


 * At the moment the draft is very spammy and would almost certainly be speedily deleted if moved to mainspace in this form. Also, there is nothing in the article text or sources to demonstrate how or why this particular company is notable per the guidelines at WP:CORP. There are other outlets such as WikiCompany. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 16:30, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

Feedback on the Mwananchi Communications Ltd page
I have just created a page stil under the userspace draft on here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Bbiswalo/Mwananchi_Communications_Ltd) and would like your feedback before I move it to be a peoper Wikipedia article.

The company Mwananchi Communicatrions Ltd is one of the leading media houses in Tanzania but it has been hard to find info about it on the net while its a huge company that many Tanzanians and others people have interest in it for the role it plays as an independent media in Tanzania. So I decided to find info as much as I could and found some resources on-line to share with fellows like me who would be interested in this company and its products.

Mwananchi Communications Ltd feedback
Please help me review this article by giving me feedback so that we make it a great resource for all. Thanks!

The article is at http: Mwananchi Communications Ltd. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bbiswalo (talk • contribs)


 * At the moment the article is very promotional in tone and most of the references are not material enough to demonstrate the notability of the subject - for example regurgitation of press releases and passing mentions are not sufficient. The coverage has to be non-trivial. Please take a look at WP:RS for additional guidance on sources. – ukexpat (talk) 20:16, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Digital Creative Agency
The Digital Creative Agency page is a brief description of the services of a digital creative agency. With today's growing technology, digital creative agencies are in competition with or compliment traditional advertising agencies. This page states the differences between the two and provides some examples of digital creative agencies.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this article.

-Sami —Preceding unsigned comment added by Playgroundsami (talk • contribs)


 * At first blush this doesn't look like a notable enough subject for an encyclopedia article and looks rather like an attempt to advertise some of these agencies on Wikipedia. In any event, you will have to cite non-trivial coverage in multiple independent sources to demonstrate notability. – ukexpat (talk) 20:03, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Christopher T. Gonzalez
I created an article on Christopher T. Gonzalez and it is ready to be reviewed by others.Michelle D. Dartis 18:41, 13 April 2010 (UTC)Michelle Dartis —Preceding unsigned comment added by Michelle Dartis (talk • contribs)


 * The tone of the article is very non-neutral and very "peacocky" and I have tagged it accordingly. Expressions like "Gonzalez was a trailblazer..." are not encyclopedic or neutral. So the tone needs some work. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 19:55, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

H.R. Gray
H.R. Gray We have edited this page to make sure it it neutral. Can you please review again and remove the flags if you agree? If not, can you be specific about what it is you would like to see changed? Amynumbers (talk) 14:08, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Who is "we"? -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  14:14, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Sandford Pre School
User:Remawa/Sandford Pre School

14/04/2010  Remawa (talk) 11:15, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The Wikikpedia consensus is that schools below secondary level are not de facto notable, so to get over this hurdle you will need to demonstrate notability with cited references to non-trivial coverage in multiple reliable sources independent of the subject. I think it will be a fruitless exercise. – ukexpat (talk) 17:12, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Organizational Immaturity
Organizational Immaturity User:Mklubeck/Organizational Immaturity

This article attempts to explain the concept of Organizational Immaturity which organizations may suffer from.

Mklubeck 18:39, 13 April 2010 (UTC)MKlubeck, April 13, 2010


 * I am not convinced that the subject meets the general notability guideline for inclusion in Wikipedia. Most of the references are to a book of which you appear to be a co-author, so you have a conflict of interest with the subject. The concept appears (from the publication year of your book - 2010) to be new, and most "new" things will not have received the non-trivial coverage in reliable sources required to demonstrate notability. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 20:26, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! I think it does help. I did co-author the book, but I would have tried to put this into Wikipedia years ago (before writing the book) if I was more aware. You are right it is a new concept and understand if it requires more time. Don't know what to do about the "conflict of interest" since we (the authors) are probably the most knowledgable at this time - until (hopefully) our readership grows. Thanks again!

Mklubeck (talk) 18:37, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Mklubeck

Bay View Garden and Yard Society
I've just completed an article on a non-profit community organization at User:VitusKonter/Bay View Garden and Yard Society. I've included as many references as I could find, so I hope this helps to meet the notablility guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration. VitusKonter (talk) 06:44, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I have taken a quick look and made some formatting changes, in particular I changed the thumbnail size to the default so that the images do not overpower and distort the text flow. I think it's ready to move to the mainspace. Let me know if you need help with that. – ukexpat (talk) 19:31, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you for fixing the images. That is one area of wiki that I seem to be having problems. It does look better now, and I'll probably wait to move it to mainspace next week, to see if there's any more feedback. VitusKonter (talk) 05:54, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Community Mobilization
Hi friends,

Recently, I have added this page to Wikipedia and tired to make the content of this article lucid. In order to make this article beautiful, I request you for your feedback and suggestions.

Your help will be deeply appreciated.--Alok Mishra (talk) 09:11, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I am not convinced that this is an encyclopedic subject in the narrow way that you have defined it - communities mobilise for many more reasons than "to achieve sustainable development". Isn't this just a subset of community building, maybe your content could be more usefully merged into that article? – ukexpat (talk) 18:23, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your feedback. Though there is close interface between community building and community mobilization but there is a sharp contrast also exist between these two terms. I wrote this article as a separate from community building because of several reasons. 1) Community mobilization is emerging as a powerful tool for community development and it contrast from development development in many methodological and conceptual aspects at micro level. (I agree there is close interface exist). 2) I Felt there should be an article on Community mobilization which should cover detailed and comprehensive description with online resource materials. In the light of above reasons and keeping a good faith in Wiki spirit, I tried to add the page. Your further help will be deeply appreciated. --Alok Mishra (talk) 04:40, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

AETC Collaboration Portal
AETC Collaboration Portal User:Afeducationuser/AETC Collaboration Portal

Please review my article. Afeducationuser (talk) 14:45, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Steverance/Flying Pig Productions
Could I have some feedback about the article please. Many thanks —Preceding unsigned comment added by Steverance (talk • contribs) 15:24, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Behavior Change Communication
Hi friends,

Recently, I have added this page to Wikipedia and tired to make this article lucid and informative. In order to make this article beautiful, I request you for your feedback and suggestions. Please let me know how it looks and developmental need.

Your help will be deeply appreciated.--Alok Mishra (talk) 09:35, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I think it's a pretty good start. The tone needs work, try to avoid passive voice. "It has been noticed..." is an example, a better way to express it would be to say who noticed and what they did when they noticed. Some of the sentences are unnecessary or don't say aynthing, for example,  "A society consists of many sub-groups and this is evidence of further stratification" is meaningless, as sub-groups are not evidence of further stratification. I would suggest recasting the language in simple and direct phrases to make your meaning clear, and avoid the use of terms. -- Nuujinn (talk) 23:10, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

MEET - Middle East Education through Technology
Greetings!

My non-profit organization just set up our own page, located at MEET - Middle East Education through Technology

In a nutshell, the mission of MEET is to be a bridge facilitating healthy interaction and dialogue between Israeli and Palestinian high-school students, through a shared goal of education and cross-cultural learning.

However we realize this topic may be a bit sensitive (even though our organization is neutral), therefore would like to seek feedback from the Wiki community on your thoughts about our page (too political? sensitive?) and any advice on improving it.

Thanks so much!!

Lbeana, 4/15 Lbeana (talk) 23:28, 15 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I took the liberty of making some quick edits to bring it more in line with normal article structure. What you need, however, are more citations from reliable sources. See if you can't incorporate some of the external links as inline citations, that will help. The tone is a bit too promotional, also, see if you can make it more neutral. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:25, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Fidel Roig Matons
I need feedback on this article: User:Fvroig/Fidel Roig Matons Thanks.

Fvroig (talk) 00:05, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Once the article is cleaned up (see WP:MOS, WP:CITE, and WP:EL), I believe you've made a good preliminary case for his notability. You should, however, disclose your own conflict of interest on the talk page of the article. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  01:25, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Jammu & Kashmir Issue
[] My article on the above subject, I am told, needs a feedback. Please let me know if there is anything concerning this article that I have missed out? This is an historical account of the State of jammu & Kashmir backed by references whereever required and even referenced comparable articles with the same context or subject. Still I will appreciate if I am corrected to make this article meaningful. Thanks --Mrathore 13:56, 14 April 2010 (UTC) Mrathore 14.42 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mrathore (talk • contribs) 13:48, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
 * There are already extensive articles on this topic at Kashmir and Jammu (princely state) and Kashmir conflict. Please do any work which needs doing on those articles, rather than "re-inventing the wheel". -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  14:22, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Mike I wrote this article in context with the prevailing situation in Jammu & Kashmir and wanted to apprise the interested parties with a version a common man in J & K wants the international community to be aware of. To understand the imbroglio an impartial analysis can be made getting the story from horses mouth. Please advise further. Thanks 86.21.13.87 (talk) 08:09, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[]
 * Frankly, your draft fails badly to maintain the necessary neutral point of view we require here. I would strongly advise you to abandon this draft, concentrating instead on improving the existing articles. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  15:47, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Self defense pressure points
User:SuKristie/Self defense pressure points

This is my first article. It is about using pressure points of your attackers body to defend yourself and discusses which of your body parts to use on these pressure points. Are the lists a problem, or anything else?

--SuKristie (talk) 19:23, 15 April 2010 (UTC)SuKristie 4/15/10


 * Well, we already have an article Pressure point, which seems to cover the subject already but in greater detail. Your article at the moment is not encyclopaedic and neutral in tone - it reads like a personal essay or an instruction manual (referring to your own experience and opinions in an encyclopaedia article is unacceptable, for example).  It might be a better idea to see if you can use your source material to help improve an existing article on the subject.  Ka renjc 19:04, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Corinne Malvern
Corinne Malvern -- I'd appreciate someone reviewing this for me. Dfoy (talk) 14:56, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I've removed the unreviewed tag, and taken the liberty of doing a little formatting. In particular I've unWikilinked the titles of Corinne Malvern's Little Golden Books as you had them, because the links went to articles about other versions of the story by other authors (and in one case, to a film to which I'm sure Ms Malvern had no connection!), and I've done some formatting of the external links at the end.  This is a good short article, with good references and links.  I think your inference about the date of birth is fair, given the photographic evidence, and have put an approx birth date in the lead section.  Nice work.  Ka renjc 17:09, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

William A Edelstein
User:Hannahralston/William A. Edelstein

Hello! This is my first article and I'd be grateful for feedback on whether it is ready for publication. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hannahralston (talk • contribs) 16:31, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks pretty good to me. The refs seem fine. You may want to wikilink a few of the topics that people reading the article may want to know more about, such as Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Imaging or the names of universities.  You do that by enclosing them in double square brackets. Also, headers should look like == Aberdeen == instead of Aberdeen, and you can just delete the External Links section since it's not used. Otherwise a great start! Station1 (talk) 23:07, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Energy Policy of the Obama Administration
Hello,

I'd love to receive feedback on my draft post: User:AllisonShapira/Energy_Policy_of_the_Obama_Administration. This is my first time writing a page on Wikipedia.

Thank you very much for your time.

AllisonShapira (talk) 17:06, 16 April 2010 (UTC) Allison Shapira April 16, 2010
 * 1. This is mostly original research and synthesis, which is not what Wikipedia is for.
 * 2. This is full of external links rather than wikilinks to relevant articles. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  18:41, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Orangemike, for your feedback. Is a website of the US Government considered a reliable source? Allison —Preceding unsigned comment added by AllisonShapira (talk • contribs) 13:24, 18 April 2010 (UTC)


 * For basic facts yes, but for establishing notablity, no, because it is a self-reference. See WP:RS for guidance on reliable sources. – ukexpat (talk) 19:46, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

ING Life Insurance
This is a very simple article about ING Life India as an organization and its origin and growth. The Article is:

ING Life Insurance

I would appreciate any feedback to this article. Thanks!

Vikas Chandak 09:13, 16 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Well, the article as it stands is promotional and lacks reliable sources, can you find some to support the article? -- Nuujinn (talk) 21:08, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Ɯ/Alpha algorithm
Hi,

this is going to be my first article: User:Ɯ/Alpha algorithm it's about an algorithm which is mentioned on the Process mining, though not linked nor explained there.

It's far from being finished, but I'd like to make it available to everyone at this stage to avoid duplication. &#91;Ɯ:&#93; (talk) 14:43, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
 * You put some spaces at the beginning of some lists, presumably for indenting. That caused the blue dotted line box to be placed around the material. Unless you wanted the blue box, which I don't think looks nice, I made some minor edits.
 * I changed the first list from bullet points to numbers, because of the reference to three items. If you prefer bullet points, you can change it back.
 * You wanted on list of bullet indented in some places - I have done so, while eliminating the blue dotted line box.
 * You wikilinked "workflow net" twice. Wikilinking a term, creating a red link is acceptable, but the convention is to do it only the first time, not each time. (In a long article, there may be reason to do it more than once.) I removed the second wikilink.
 * I wikilinked "petri net"
 * If you want the bulleted items indented more, change "*" to ":*"
 * Nice start, obviously needs a little more work before moving to article space.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:01, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks a lot for reviewing! I'm happy with the changes. The bullet points were intentional, though, so I changed the "#"'s back to "*". &#91;Ɯ:&#93; (talk) 16:37, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

DR. DAN IVANKOVICH
Dr. Dan Ivankovich. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Doinggooddaily/Dr._Dan_Ivankovich

Doinggooddaily (talk) 21:51, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Respectfully request feedback on this article to prepare it for publication.

Thank you.


 * It's a good start. Some suggestions:
 * Break out a two-three sentence WP:lead.
 * Work on incorporating the external references into the article as inline citations, see WP:cite.
 * Section titles should be not be all caps.
 * You should probably add a Template:Infobox_person.
 * The prose needs some work, it needs to be more neutral.
 * You might go through MOS:BIO for some additional guidelines.
 * Hope that helps, -- Nuujinn (talk) 20:14, 18 April 2010 (UTC)


 * It needs to be purged of cutesiness: no "Dr. Dan" or use of first names, honorifics; no "Windy City" instead of Chicago. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  21:26, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

United States Cyber Command
Request review for improvement and a fair rating based on current assessment standards. Sephiroth storm (talk) 04:21, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Ratings are generally done by Wikiprojects, rather than help desks. The one that looks most promising is WikiProject Military history/United States military history task force. You might post a message on one or more of the coordinators listed on that page - I'd guess they can either arrange for the review, or tell you what to do.


 * A few comments on the article itself:
 * I don't know what a "subordinate unified command" is. I can hazard a guess, but I presume it has a precise meaning. I see it is used elsewhere in WP, but I didn't find an explanation. I assume most military people know what it means, but remember the audience may not - is there a way to explain it (perhaps in a footnote?
 * I note you used the emblem of the US Strategic Command, which I assume is a much larger group than the subject of this article. Is there not an emblem for the United States Cyber Command? In view of my previous point, it may be that this is standard, but I just want to make sure it is appropriate.
 * Most of your refs are raw html. If you are looking to get rated, having better formed refs is often part of the criteria. I changed the second reference to show an example, I find it easy to add properly formed references using a citation tool; you can add one by going to your preferences, selecting "Gadgets" and clicking the box next to "reftools". It will add a "cite" button to your toolbar - which is easy to use. -- SPhilbrick  T  18:46, 18 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you, I will take a look at the other note tomorrow, however I can answer the first two, US Cyber Command is currently slated to be a unit under the "control" of US Strategic Command, which is why it is a sub unified command. There currently is no (known) emblem for the unit as it will not be operational until a unit Commander is officially in charge, I will attempt to explain in the article. Once the unit activates, then a unit Distinctive unit insignia and Shoulder sleeve insignia will be created, and hopefully published for public viewing. Thanks for the help. Sephiroth storm (talk) 11:28, 18 April 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by 12.239.95.6 (talk)

John Wall (electronic composer)
Any feedback on my second article would be appreciated! John Wall (electronic composer) Many thanks! --PressedBack (talk) 19:51, 18 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I think it's very good, pulled the unreviewed template, -- Nuujinn (talk) 01:12, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Many thanks! At what stage does an article get reviewed/rated? --PressedBack (talk) 20:58, 21 April 2010 (UTC)
 * When you first created the article using the article Wizard, it added a template noting that the article was unreviewed. That process is complete, although I caution you that it is an informal review - meaning that if some other editor decided the article should be proposed for deletion, the fact that it was reviewed will carry no weight. However, I don't think that's an issue.


 * If by rating, you mean the quality and importance ratings - those are generally done by members of a Wikiproject. I think the one most relevant to this article is WikiProject Electronic music. You may be interested in joining it yourself - but if you are looking for a rating, you should contact someone on that page, simply by clicking the word "talk" next to their name, and asking at their talk page. (If this isn't clear, just say so, and I'll give more details.)-- SPhilbrick  T  01:30, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

Dudley Allen Buck
First time author here. I have created an article on computer pioneer Dudley Allen Buck. User:AlanDewey/Enter your new article name here

AlanDewey (talk) 14:57, 19 April 2010 (UTC)Alan Dewey 19 April 2010

Also, I seem to have screwed up when creating the title for the article. I have not yet figured out how to change it. Maybe it will be easy to change after it is approved. One important point is that this article is about the Electrical Engineer / Inventor Dudley Allen Buck, not the composer Dudley Buck.

AlanDewey (talk) 17:30, 19 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I moved it for you to User:AlanDewey/Dudley_Allen_Buck. It's a good start, but you should break out a short wp:lead section, and use section heading to break it up a bit. Also, you've got two references, but adding some additional ones would be a good idea. Have you looked in Google News in the archives to search for articles? Here's one to get you started:
 * Life Magazine Article with Picture


 * If you want some help with editing just let me know, -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:01, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Is this how we are supposed to communicate? Someone send the "the missing manual". That was very helpful. Also the unfindable link WP:lead .. very helpful and I would have NEVER found it on my own. I have edited the page a lot based on this input. I am not going to claim it is 'ready' yet. However, I have made significant improvement. Hopefully enough that I am ready for more suggestions. I still don't understand this wikipaedia thing much. But if you have the ability to help edit the article, then go ahead.

I have much more material that can be cited. However, much of it is only recently being declassified. Since most people will not have access to it, is it proper to cite it? AlanDewey (talk) 19:15, 20 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I don't see why not, so long as these are official documents that others could get access to, for guidance on that see WP:RS. You do want to be careful not to do original research, however. I'm pretty new here, too, dunno if I'll ever figure it all out. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:23, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Shushybye
User:Shushyfan513/Shushybye

I believe this article has proper notability, however several of the external articles for Shushybye come from the Shushybye homepage (articles are downloaded and open in a Word document -- however, they are complete scans of the original article).

Thanks for checking it out! Shushybye is my child's favorite show on BabyFirst TV Shushyfan513 (talk) 16:02, 19 April 2010 (UTC) Shushyfan513 4/19/2010
 * Links to scans of articles are not suitable, both because scans can be tampered with and because scans of articles are often (as in this case) blatant violations of the copyrights of the initial article's creators. If the articles actually existed, they should be verifiable in the original publications. Likewise, the websites of publishers and others with a conflict of interest are not generally reliable sources of impartial information. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  23:31, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Nimsoft
Hello, I'd be interested in getting an article reviewed. Nimsoft was posted back in February, and still has the "This is New/Unreviewed Article" notice at the top. If we could have reviewed, it would be much appreciated. Best, Rbudde (talk) 19:19, 19 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Lots of reasons
 * Mainly written like an advertisement. Wikipedia is not a product listing.
 * Too many redlinks. Do a search, and link to related pages, don't include redlinks in a draft
 * Infobox needs work

IMHO, this is. A lot of work is needed. A p 3 rson ‽   22:40, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Double JJ Resort
User:Froggieskc/Double JJ Resort

Resort in Rothbury, MI, where the Rothbury Music Festival has been held. Went bankrupt and re-opened. Opened originally in 1937.

Froggieskc (talk) 20:42, 19 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The article lacks verifiable and reliable sources establishing notability, without those it will surely be deleted. Writing's not bad, but it is a bit too promotional. -- Nuujinn (talk) 23:54, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

More references have been added. The history is largely from a local historian, making it difficult to cite from the internet. There's a few different news sources now, along with reputable websites for the festival & golf course. Think it looks better now? Thanks Froggieskc (talk) 13:48, 23 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The references are better (not good, but better). The tone still needs a lot of work--I'd suggest just dropping the first two paragraphs. You need a lead, and rework the prose to be more neutral. Use of the local historian is tricky, as it seems to me that you're engaging in original research. Have you tried searching Google new archives? -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:16, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Mohamed Sanu
User:Fuddrutgers/Mohamed Sanu

My article is about Rutgers University wide receiver Mohamed Sanu. He is one of the top underclassmen in American college football and is a future NFL draft pick.

Signed, Fuddrutgers —Preceding unsigned comment added by Fuddrutgers (talk • contribs) 22:55, 19 April 2010 (UTC)
 * ❌ Still needs work:
 * Does not follow NPOV policy. Words like "very versatile" and "impressive" cause this.
 * Use links less often, and with the current links, use the DISPLAY TEXT format to include more text.
 * With external links, use the format [ http://www.example.com Example Page] to format them.
 * I do like the rest of the article, grammar, and use of refs, so it is, but it need work. A p 3 rson  ‽   14:48, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

The Shield of Athena Montréal
I wrote up a profile on a women`s organization that supports women in minority groups dealing with issues of conjugal violence. Please let me know what you think.

User:Taejah33/The_Shield_of_Athena_Montr%C3%A9al

--Taejah33 (talk) 00:34, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
 * You have included much more detail than is necessary. Wikipedia isn't a how-to guide. Also, you should rely more on the independent sources that you have, and less on the website of the organisation itself. Look at the Manual of Style for use of capital letters. Itsmejudith (talk) 11:11, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Eddiebod/Kenny Rice
I have created a page for American Sportscaster Kenny Rice. User:Eddiebod/Kenny Rice I've included many 3rd party sources and I believe he is notable enough. I would appreciate any feedback on the article as this is my first attempt at a complete WIKI article. The subject is linked to from several other wiki pages, but has no entry of his own yet. Special:WhatLinksHere/Kenny_Rice Eddiebod (talk) 03:29, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
 * ✅ Looks good to me. Pulling draft template. Also, removing userspace redirect. A p 3 rson  ‽   14:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! Eddiebod (talk) 17:49, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Oregon LNG
I've written an article about the company Oregon LNG and I've been waiting several weeks for it to be moved from New, Unreviewed Article. Can someone help? Collander123 (talk) 04:23, 20 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I have reviewed, made some minor formatting changes and removed the tag. – ukexpat (talk) 14:52, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Neurochem
Neurochem

It is my first wikipedia article and some comments would be helpful to improve the quality of the article.

In this article, an European research project in the area of artificial olfaction is presented.

Jfonollosa (talk) 09:35, 20 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Looks good to me, I pulled the unreviewed template. -- Nuujinn (talk) 01:04, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Intelligent Manufacturing Systems (IMS) - Global Research and Innovation in Manufacturing
Intelligent Manufacturing Systems (IMS) - Global Research and Innovation in Manufacturing Intelligent_Manufacturing_Systems_(IMS)_-_Global_Research_and_Innovation_in_Manufacturing This is a global multi-lateral, non-profit, and government supported program for manufacturing research. We hope to raise awareness to provide our free services to researchers. Thanks kindly for your review. MfgGlobalResearch (talk) 10:57, 20 April 2010 (UTC) Dan Nagy, Program Director, 20 April, 2010
 * This looks like an important organisation worthy of an encyclopedia article. I have a few comments:
 * The name is very long. Perhaps Intelligent Manufacturing Systems will do.  The fact that it is capitalised will indicate that it is the name of something, not just a topic.
 * Can you find mentions of the organisation in independent sources? This would help to show that other people think that IMS is worthy of mention and give some balance.  At the moment you only have the IMS website.
 * Use tags more to build up the reference section at the bottom of the page. It would also be helpful to format the citations and add additional information using,  or
 * Is the Journal of Intelligent Manufacturing related to IMS? If it is you should probably mention it.  If not, it may provide some useful independent sources.
 * Yaris678 (talk) 12:14, 20 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Article speedily deleted as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 14:44, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

local food plus
Greetings Editors,

I have create a userpage draft of a new entry Local Food Plus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Vj_stokes/Local_Food_Plus

Could someone please review this page and let me know if it suits?

COI disclosure: I am a freelance writer and editor. Local Food Plus is one of my clients. They have asked me to create this for them. I am interested in this area (sustainable food policy/action), and feel it appropriate for LFP to have an entry here.

Thanks so much. Please advise,

Vj stokes (talk) 14:34, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
 * ❌ Lots of things wrong:
 * The entire article is exactly 2 sentences.
 * Don't use return on the lines, Wikipedia will break lines for you.
 * Highly biased. Read the NPOV policy.
 * Use an organization template, to give it body.
 * When making references, use template:cite to format them, and use and tags to include them in a section.
 * It is generally suggested on Wikipedia for new editors not to do articles about anything affiliated to them, including companies/organization. This is a prime example of that.
 * Overall, needs work. A p 3 rson  ‽   03:15, 21 April 2010 (UTC)
 * However, I think the topic is notable and it is worth having an article on it. There is at least one newspaper report used. Perhaps more can be found; these are appropriate sources and can be used more fully than they have been so far. Itsmejudith (talk) 11:07, 21 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Fix it first. A p 3 rson  ‽   14:27, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

User:TBGF/S'Quarrels
Posting information about a new card game with sources from BoardGameGeek, BoardgameNews, and the Publisher's website.

--TBGF (talk) 21:54, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Added my changes to the page
 * Minor gramatical errors.
 * Removed ex. links.
 * Too much capitalization - use bold text
 * Some parts do not follow NPOV policy. Removed.
 * Overall, pretty good. A p 3 rson  ‽   03:01, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Jamie Geller
Jamie Geller

I would appreciate any feedback on this article about a popular cookbook author.

Soflo1800 (talk) 22:51, 20 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The article is very promotional, and will required cleanup to make it more neutral in tone. I also noticed that you're creating a number of articles related to kosher.com and people who work there. I assume you are doing so in good faith, but do please be careful to avoid conflicts of interest. In terms of this article, you may want to start by reviewing the information at WP:BLP, a set of guidelines for biographies. If you have questions, please feel free to post them here or on my talk page. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:58, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Chris_Duke
Please take a look at Chris_Duke, a host of a national American television show called Motorz TV.

We have been working on it for a few months in our personal sandbox, which is why you probably don't see a history on this one. Thank you for your time.

--Dukenetworks (talk) 20:00, 21 April 2010 (UTC)


 * You don't have any references--please take a look at WP:BLP, what you need are some verifiable and reliable to establish notability. You also appear to have a potential conflict of interest, but I'm assuming you are editing in good faith. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:05, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Nope; it's a total spamvertisement account with a bad COI record. The account has been spamusername blocked. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  04:19, 26 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I have prodded the article as an unsourced BLP. – ukexpat (talk) 14:59, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

New York Food Tours
I would appreciate feedback from the following article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Superdeed/New_York_Food_Tours

This is an article about the culinary tourism company of New York Food Tours. The article was nominated for speedy deletion, under section section G11 of the criteria for speedy deletion. I have edited the article and asked for advice from my peers, as well as re-read the Business policy of Wikipedia. Please provide me feedback and criticism on things you believe I should edit, add, or delete. Thanks!

Superdeed (talk) 04:39, 22 April 2010 (UTC)
 * My biggest concern is the paucity of references from reliable sources indicating that the company is notable. The Boston Globe does mention the company, but it is a relatively minor mention - one paragraph out of a longer article. I wasn't able to read the other two references, but, based upon the context, it appears they talk generically about food tours rather than this company. One paragraph of coverage is far short of the standard.-- SPhilbrick  T  15:26, 23 April 2010 (UTC)


 * FWIW in my opinion it still reads like an advert and notabilty per WP:CORP is marginal at best. – ukexpat (talk) 15:01, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Marcus Grant
Marcus_T_Grant

Wanted to get some advice and see what you thought of this page, are there changes i can make to prevent it from deletion or does it look good? please let me know, my email is —Preceding unsigned comment added by 76.218.244.79 (talk) 07:41, 22 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I don't think you have sufficient references--the link to wikipedia doesn't count, you should use an internal wikilink instead. What you really need are 2-3 instances of magazine or newspaper articles covering this person. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:02, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simi_Valley,_California
This statement is incorrect.

The Playtronics Toy company and its car park scenes from Sneakers were filmed at the Countrywide Loans Data Processing - Admin Plant at 400 Countrywide Way.

Sneakers was filmed in the building referred to but the company in the building at the time was Gibraltar Savings. Countrywide took over the biudling after Gibraltar was closed by the RTC.

I worked at Gibralter while Sneakers was Being filmed and saw Robert Redford. Please correct this satement someone. I would just mess it up.

4/21/2010. onipa'a —Preceding unsigned comment added by Onipa'a (talk • contribs) 04:48, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Be bold! If you're unsure, then test it first at the WP:SB. - Reconsider !  07:06, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Truman's Beer
Hello,

This is the first time I have created a Wikipedia page and would like to check that it meets all the necessary conventions.

I have been researching Truman's for the last few months as part of a personal interest in east London history. Despite the fact that they were once the world's largest brewery there are not man books on them. The London Metropolitan archives, where almost all the source material was found, has many photos and original letters and recipes. I intend to add photos later, but am waiting for the opportunity to photograph some of the images held by the archive.

I have also been looking into how to move this article onto the main site, but do not meet the criteria of having made 10 edits. I have tried to read the section about what to do in this situation, but am frankly a bit confused. If anybody could help with this it would be much appreciated.

Many Thanks

User:Mghemus/Truman's Beer

Mghemus (talk) 15:30, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
 * The draft version is here Truman's_Beer
 * A good start, but could use a bit more work before moving into main space. I'll be happy to do it for you, but let's make sure it is insufficient shape to fend off the deletionists.
 * I made a couple minor editorial changes.
 * If you are poking around the London Library, you might check to see if they have "A history of beer and brewing" By Ian Spencer Hornsey Among other things, it notes that the Truman family was involved in brewing in 1381, and probably has other material worth referencing. Here is an online link to the Hornsey book
 * Plus you'll want to check out this if you haven't already.
 * Many reader won't know what "PLC" means. (I made a change - see if it is OK)
 * I don't like how the quote is incorporated in the Growth Years section, but I need to figure out why, and come up with a suggestion.-- SPhilbrick  T  16:02, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
 * BTW, you mention that Truman's became a plc. Isn't "Truman's" the name of the beer, rather than the company name? Isn't the company name the Black Eagle or Truman, Hanbury, Buxton & Co. Ltd?-- SPhilbrick  T  16:10, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
 * You might also look for "The curiosities of ale & beer: an entertaining history" By John Bickerdyke (page 356)--  SPhilbrick  T  16:21, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Hello

Thank you very much for your feedback, obviously it's extremely helpful.

- If you would be happy to do a bit more work at the start before the main space that would be great - I think you have a better idea of what needs doing to get that section right. - Thanks for the editorial changes - I have been trying to find the Hornsey book, unfortunately it is about $75 to buy and none of the libraries I have visited currently has it. What I have read on the google extracts seems very good. The reason I omitted the mention of a Truman family being involved in brewing in 1381 is because there is no definite proof that they are from the same family. There is then no mention of any Truman's in brewing until the 17th century. However, I could add this in if you think it is valid information. - I looked for survey 27 but the London Metropolitan Archive has unfortunately 'misplaced it' - I spent quite a long time with them trying to track it down, but it is the one survey in their collection that is not there. Apparently there might be a copy in another library, but I have yet to make down there. - Thanks for making the PLC change - Let me know about the quote in the Growth section, if you think it is inappropriate then I can take it out. - The original name of the company was Truman but it was known as and referred to itself as 'Truman's Beer', which is why I selected this name. As time progress it became Truman & Hanbury Co. Ltd. and then Truman, Hanbury and Buxton Co. Ltd. but it was still referred to by the public as Truman's Beer. Prior to being shut down, Grand Metropolitan shortened the name to just Truman's (which was the name that remained in use when shut down in 1989). Perhaps the entry should be called 'Truman, Hanbury & Buxton Co. Ltd. with the term 'Truman's Beer' also linking to the page? - The name of the main London brewery was 'Black Eagle Brewery', named after the street on which it was built (Black Eagle Street) - I will include a reference to John Bickerdyke with regards to the creation of Porter. Not a source I had seen before.

Lastly, I have rephotographed many of the hundreds of photos that they have of the old brewery, pubs and vehicles. I also have the necessary permission to re-publish them. Do you think it would help the entry to add photos? They are all black and white and from the turn of the 20th Century.

Thanks again for your help

M-G
 * Thanks for your response. I enjoyed the article very much. I would like to add some further comments, but I will do so directly on your talk page - I will try to get to it in the next few days, time permitting. SPhilbrick  T  15:15, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Betty Hyatt - Community Development and Housing Pioneer
Betty Hyatt: Community Development and Housing Pioneer

Looking for help with article to refine it.

User:Thyatt/Betty_Hyatt

Thyatt (talk) 15:37, 23 April 2010 (UTC)Thomas Hyatt 4/23/2010


 * To begin with the article does not appear to be written from a neutral point of view. There are glowing references to her and her work, a couple are: "continued to work tirelessly", "the neighborhood that she loved and to which she dedicated most of life".  Your username and the tone of the article makes me think you might have a conflict of interest.  It appears you have the same last name, if I am wrong my apologies.  This article needs a lot of cleanup before it would be ready for the mainspace.   GB fan  talk 23:07, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Jewel Kid
I am creating a page about a person and would like to upload an image or two. How can I do that? I cant understand the copyrights etc. These pictures arent copyrighted - do they have to be? I got these images from a shotoshoot that was taken of the person. How can i upload them, without getting them deleted? Thanks!

Xer014 (talk) 00:35, 24 April 2010 (UTC) Cheryl Falzon
 * Please check to see if Uploading images answers your questions. If you still have specific questions after reading that, please come back and ask. As an aside, the pictures do have a copyright, as copyright exists without having to be explicitly asserted. The copyright is usually held by the person who took the picture.--  SPhilbrick  T  15:42, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Frances Koons
Frances Koons Frances Koons FansofFrances (talk) 01:13, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I have added a couple of references. The article is a good start, it looks like there is more to add about her yet.   GB fan  talk 22:53, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Please review my page The Dragon's Journey
Re article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Donchats/The_Dragon%27s_Journey

I would appreciate if someone could give me some feed back on my first attempt at the Dragon's Journey. When time permits I propose to examine in more detail each chapter. Can you tell me what might be required to go live?

Thank you --Donchats (talk) 03:02, 24 April 2010 (UTC) DonChats
 * Jimbo Wales argued that a plot summary (alone) does not make for an acceptable article. here
 * So far, that's all you have. See if you can find reviews or other discussions of the book in reliable sources.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:23, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for requesting feedback on your draft before creating an article. I hope these comments help. If you have questions regarding these comments, please contact me by leaving me a message. I will reply on your talk page. Thank you, liquidluck ✽ talk  23:00, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
 * The length of the plot summary is fine. You may make the summary more detailed if you wish, but please do not create a chapter-by-chapter retelling. The purpose of an encyclopedia entry is to inform readers about the book as a product rather than the story it contains.
 * The article does not yet demonstrate the book's "notability". If a subject meets notability guidelines, it is kept; if it does not, it is considered non-notable and should be deleted. The notability guideline
 * To make the article encyclopedic, try to find information about how the author wrote it, popular, and critical reception.
 * For examples, please see Make Way for Ducklings, The Time Traveler's Wife, or other books listed here. These articles are called "featured articles" and are considered Wikipedia's best articles.

Category:Head and neck cancer and Category:Brain tumor
I would like Category:Head and neck cancer and Category:Brain tumor reviewed. Best wishes, Immunize (talk) 14:41, 24 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Immunize, this page is for requests for feedback on new articles. For technical matters such as suitability of categories etc, the best place to ask is the talk page of the relevant Wikiproject, in this case Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Medicine. – ukexpat (talk) 14:50, 6 May 2010 (UTC)
 * So this page is not for review of any categories? Immunize (talk) 17:11, 6 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Not really, see the first bullet point in the box at the top of the page: This page is intended to provide comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have created or substantially changed. – ukexpat (talk) 17:25, 6 May 2010 (UTC)
 * So feedback on templates, images, or pages in the Wikipedia or help namespace are not accepted here either? Immunize (talk) 21:43, 6 May 2010 (UTC)


 * In my view such requests would be outside the scope of this page, as per my comment above. – ukexpat (talk) 15:44, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Freedom Deep
Freedom Deep Freedom Deep a feature film by Aaron Stevenson (Me) John Ranko (talk) 02:58, 25 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you for asking for reviews before submitting this article. I've gone over it and compiled a list of comments:
 * As you have a major conflict of interest with this subject, Wikipedia advises that you refrain from editing this article. If you choose to continue, please exercise great caution and abide by Wikipedia's neutral point of view policy.
 * In addition to the conflict of interest issue, the film does not yet meet Wikipedia's "notability" criteria. If a subject is deemed non-notable, it is subject to deletion. If a film is notable by Wikipedia's standards, it should meet the guidelines outlined here.
 * The article says the film has "attained a strong cult following", that "much has been documented about its troubled low budget production history", and that there is a "great deal of debate and discussion about Freedom Deep". If these claims can be backed up by reliable sources such as newspaper/magazine articles, the film will meet the guidelines. Press releases are not considered.
 * If the film does not meet the above linked outlines, it may be notable if it meets the general notability guideline. The GNG basically states that if the film has been covered by multiple reliable sources, it may be notable. Filmint and Encore may add to the film's potential notability, but do not satisfy the requirement by themselves.
 * I have gone through the article and formatted it without changing any words. I've also tagged several s, where references should be provided.
 * I hope these comments help. Again, Wikipedia strongly encourages you not to edit the article due to your conflict of interest. If you are increasing awareness for the film as you stated in the Encore interview, someone will likely create the article for you sooner or later. If you have questions about these comments, please contact me by leaving me a message. I will respond on your talk page. Thanks, liquidluck ✽ talk  22:38, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Night of the Grizzlies
After User:Imgahn2u created a page Night of the Grizzlies a few days back, I put together the above. Not sure now that it is done, as it seems to be less about the book and more like a description of the events in the book.

I do agree with Imgahn2u in that I feel it is probably an important book, even if only from the point of view of recording a part of the history of the national park service, and Glacier in particular.

My frustration lies in not being able to find anything which provides support in the way of notability for the book itself - no reviews, no indication of sales (other than hearsay "best seller among backpacking community").

Maybe it shouldn't be about the book, and I should rewrite it as an article about that night? Or should I just slap it in the book article and let it develop as it will from there?

Thoughts, input, guidance, structural changes and recommendations? All welcome :-). Best wishes. --Haruth (talk) 14:18, 25 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I think you have a good article there. From [|this], I think it's safe to call the incident "Night of the Grizzlies" since there is some news coverage of the event using that name. It might be worth having an article about the book and the event, I think there's enough sourto do that. -- Nuujinn (talk) 23:47, 26 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks Nuujinn. I'll make an attempt at splitting it out. Thanks too for the pointer to that resource - gives much more focussed results than standard google search. I think I'll be using that often! Best wishes. --Haruth (talk) 01:55, 27 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Glad to be of help. -- Nuujinn (talk) 03:01, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

The Silver Star Families of America
The Silver Star Families of America

Would like a little help and reviews on the Silver STar Families of America

I have had lots of help but the page still seems to have too many open spaces I cannot delete out.

Anyway, thank you all and God bless.

And thanks to all who have helped.

Steven1969 (talk) 21:55, 24 March 2010 (UTC)


 * I took the liberty of removing some of the blank lines. If you like, I can do some copy editing of it. --Nuujinn (talk) 23:17, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

THANK you Nuujinn!

Steven1969 (talk) 00:42, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

And by all means edit away!

Steven1969 (talk) 00:46, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

Kanchan Armour
This article is about the Kanchan Armour indigeneously developed in India. Please comment on this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lohiyagaurav/Kanchan_armour —Preceding unsigned comment added by 193.113.57.161 (talk) 12:31, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Well, the first thing I'd suggest is adding some references from reliable sources, in order to establish notability. Google news is a good place to start, please take a look at [this], and for citation format see WP:CITE. The prose is pretty good, but could use some cleanup. One thing to avoid is use of phrases expressing an opinion, such as "It played havoc on enemy tanks in 1971 war", unless you can provide a reference showing that a reliable source described the event as such. -- Nuujinn (talk) 14:05, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the response. I have added some refences, please check and let me know. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lohiyagaurav (talk • contribs) 11:05, 4 May 2010 (UTC) \


 * Looks pretty good, I removed the review template. One of the references is to a wikipedia article, and that's not really a reference, just use a wikilink for that one. Let me know on my talk page if you need/want help moving it to mainspace. -- Nuujinn (talk) 01:14, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Reading Wood Black
Almost two weeks ago, I created Reading Wood Black, who was a notable person in Texas history - he was the founder of Uvalde County, Texas and Uvalde, Texas. It was initially tagged as an orphan which I immediately cleared up. Since then, it still has the tag as New Unreviewed Article. Just wondering how long it takes before somebody reviews it and removes that tag. Maile66 (talk) 01:57, 26 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I glanced over it; it looks great! I removed the unreviewed tag. Jminthorne (talk) 02:32, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Hilliard P. Jenkins
Hilliard P. Jenkins
 * (You don't want to copy the article here, just add a link, so i replaced it with a link) SPhilbrick  T  19:26, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

I have reviewed your page and left comments on its talk section. Thanks! User:Optiguy54 (User_talk:Optiguy54) 23:22, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Black Octopus Ring
A ring shaped like an octopus. Please write feedback so I can improve my article. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Eyelovepink (talk • contribs) 19:34, April 26, 2010. Signed by liquidluck ✽ talk  05:30, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Where is the article? You need to include a link to it. (I am very new here also) AlanDewey (talk) 19:04, 4 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Black Octopus Ring has been speedily deleted as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 14:45, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Elaine Szymoniak
The Wikipedia page Elaine Szymoniak was recently created. This woman was a politician in the US State of Iowa. The article has "gone live" and I was hoping to have some help/suggestions and a review of the article for credibility and quality. In addition, I am currently having trouble posting an image of Szymoniak, but I am working with the linked tutorials to hopefully alleviate the issue. Thanks. MattSzymoniak (talk) 00:07, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Not a bad start, there aren't any immediate concerns. I've gone ahead and made some minor structural changes. - Reconsider !  07:21, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Goals Soccer Centers, Inc.
Please review and edit/comment

Goals Soccer Centers, Inc.

David Raether 4/26/2010 Davidraether (talk) 01:21, 27 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Right now there are sources that discuss one venue that the company has worked on. Looking at searches there appears to be more and that needs to be incorporated into the article.  I had changed it to a Scottish company based on the two sources that are currently in the article, but then I noticed that the Scottish company is also linked from within the article.  This needs to be expanded on what the relationship is between these two companies with sources.  The last section reads more like an advertisement for the center rather than an encyclopedia article about the company.  It is a good start but still needs some work.   GB fan  talk 22:36, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

The Wi-Fire by hField
This article is about a product called the Wi-Fire. It is made by a company called hField Technologies Inc. This article details its specifications and other usability statistics and information.

The page also gives an overview of the Wi-Fire's uses (where it can be used, as well as many other examples of use) and gives a description of how to install the product. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Krg210 (talk • contribs)


 * I have tagged it for speedy deletion as spam - to me it looks like nothing more than an advertisement masquerading as an article. – ukexpat (talk) 17:34, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Grave Disorder (novel)
Grave Disorder (novel): User:Techeric46052/Grave_Disorder

Page looks good and cites several sources from the media.

One of my concerns is how to publish it, since Grave Disorder already exists. Is there any assistance for making a disambiguation page?

Thanks! :)

Techeric46052 (talk) 14:14, 28 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I do not believe the article is ready for the mainspace at this time. There is a strong possibility that if the article is put into the mainspace as it currently exists it will be tagged for speedy deletion under the unambiguous advertising criteria.  Even if rewritten to remove the advertising laguage it still probably wouldn't survive.  There is indication in the article that it meets any of the criteria in the proposed notability guideline for fiction.  The notability guideline is the best place to find some ways to establish notability.  If you need any clarification let me know.   GB fan  talk 16:09, 28 April 2010 (UTC)
 * If you can address the concerns mentioned by User:GB fan, there won't be a need for a disambiguation page, it can be addressed with a hatnote. A disambiguation page generally is needed when there are three or more items.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:40, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Magnificent Baby
Magnificent Baby Magnificent Baby



Luvlab2 (talk) 15:25, 28 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Link to article User:Luvlab2/Magnificent Baby  GB fan  talk 16:11, 28 April 2010 (UTC)
 * The article is not ready for the mainspace. There are no sources at all in the article and no indication as to what makes this company notable.  To get the article ready for the mainspace you would need to add reliable sources to the article that provide significant coverage of the company.  This article as it currently stands would be quickly tagged for speedy deletion if it were moved into the mainspace.   GB fan  talk 16:15, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

Taedeat
Taedeat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:IgnyteZero/Taedeat) IgnyteZero (talk) 18:06, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

A short article on the swedish blackened death metal band Taedeat.
 * The band doesn't seem to meet the notability requirements of WP:MUSIC. - Reconsider !  09:46, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Barbara Kellerman (Acdaemic)
Dear Wikipedia editors:

Would it possible to have the following page for Professor Barbara Kellerman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Kellerman_(Academic) show up under the "Kellermann" surname category (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kellerman)?

Professor Kellerman is a Professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and this page is about her career and work.

Currently only Barbara Kellerman the actress is shown. I would like to have Barbara Kellerman (Academic) also show up. Moreover, is it possible to have Barbara Kellerman (Academic) automatically appear when typing in the search field?

Please tell me if there is anything I can do to help in this process.

Your help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Best, Mike
 * I have added Barbara Kellerman (Academic) to the Kellerman page. I have also added a hatnote to the Barbara Kellerman article to direct people to the Barbara Kellerman (Academic) if that is who they are looking for.  The Barbara Kellerman (Academic) article need to have refernces added to it.  As a biography of a living person it will be under increased scrutiny to ensure all the information is corrent in it.   GB fan  talk 20:42, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

35H00060 Battery Series
User:Bobh00000/35H00060_Battery_Series Bobh00000 (talk) 01:56, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I find it hard to believe we would want a separate article on each and every model of battery in existence - I doubt there are sufficient discussions of individual models in reliable sources to justify individual articles. (You have one reference, but I don't believe an online catalog qualifies as an acceptable reference.)
 * However, I can imagine that it might make sense to include information on specific models either within an article about the specific kind of battery, or as an organized list article. See List of battery types to help identify where it might better belong.
 * I also suspect other editors have thoughts on how best to accomplish your goal, I urge you to poke your head in at WikiProject_Energy and see what they think.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:36, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Frazer-Nash Consultancy
I'm putting together an article about Frazer-Nash Consultancy and would appreciate some feedback, the articles currently at User:Stephenpenndb7/Draft of article. Thanks Stephenpenndb7 (talk) 15:34, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Frankly, I see no evidence of notability for this firm, and would suggest that such an article be speedily deleted under speedy deletion category A7: no evidence or credible assertion of notability. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  21:00, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Dakota Jackson, Furniture Designer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dakota_Jackson,_Furniture_Designer

I have recently researched and written a new entry about American furniture designer Dakota Jackson. I just moved it to go live and I would like some feedback about the article. Thanks!


 * It's very promotional in tone, reads like an advertisement. The prose should present the subject from a neutral point of view. I've tagged it as such. It's well referenced, tho, and I think you have established notibility. The references could use some work in terms of formatting, see WP:CITE for guidance, and feel free to drop any questions on my talk page. Hope that helps, -- Nuujinn (talk) 20:26, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your feedback. I will give it another go to make it more neutral.  In regards to neutrality, I will adjust the prose, but I was wondering if maybe there is too much detail, that may be unnecessary a (i.e. early life when I go into his performance background, and career when I discuss his 'design philosophy/aesthetic').  Should I just be more clear cut/get to the point?  Co you think that will help?  I will also review my formatting for my references.  This is my first article, so I am trying to find my footing, I suppose.  Thanks again for your feedback. Strohlnco (talk) 17:26, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, one thing to think about would be whether the article is about the person or the person's company--right now the article is a little about both, and that seems to be the case for many articles about designers and architects. I'd suggest pruning the text. I took the liberty of trimming the lead, and the early life section. I suggest avoiding phrases such as "He first emerged", "one-of-a-kind", as puffery, what you should strive for is a neutral tone. Also, you have references, but sometimes it's not clear how much is referenced. For example, in the career section each paragraph makes a number of claims, but has only one reference. It's easy to reference more often if you use a named reference, see WP:REFNAME. Hope that helps, -- Nuujinn (talk) 11:14, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

new article
Could someone please look at [] and give me some feedback. It's been waiting to be reviewed for quite some time now. Many thanks Bowl4u (talk) 23:50, 29 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Most of the reference links are bad, page not found. There are a few articles [here], you might work them in. It's written pretty well, I think it's a good start, but you need more secondary sources. -- Nuujinn (talk) 20:18, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will check the links again. Not sure what you mean by page not found? It does come up as an unreviewed page and not sure how to get it reviewed so that this is no longer the case? Any advice would be appreciated. Will also take your advice of finding more sources. thanks Bowl4u (talk) 23:57, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * file not found is the standard http error number 404, it means that the web address you asked for isn't there. Take another pass at it and drop me a note here or on my talk back and I'll take another look. Any other editor can take off the unreviewed tag. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:10, 3 May 2010 (UTC)


 * I think I fixed all the file problems.  There were extra = at the end of the urls.   GB fan  talk 00:32, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Linzi Wilson-Wilde
Linzi Wilson-Wilde Jimwhiskey (talk) 09:44, 30 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Link to the article, User:120.147.36.15/Linzi Wilson-Wilde  GB fan  talk 13:06, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I don't know about this one--the external links do not appear to establish notability, and [this google news search does not appear promising. You might take a look at [[WP:BLP]] before proceeding, this will probably be deleted unless significantly improved. -- Nuujinn (talk) 20:11, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Milton Reynolds
Milton Reynolds http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Lppgeraldj/Enter_your_new_article_name_here&oldid=359308593

Feedback, please.

Lppgeraldj (talk) 19:38, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Seems like an interesting subject. It's a good start, but you need more references. Take a look at these]. Also, the prose needs to be toned down some, the goal is a neutral point of view. Phrases like "Smart sloganeering would prove to be a Reynolds hallmark" are peacock terms and matters of opinion--if a reliable source made the claim, provide a citation. Hope that helps, -- Nuujinn (talk) 20:05, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
- Article Title: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

- Carpal tunnel syndrome

Mfestejo (talk) 08:49, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Generally, editors ask here about new articles, or major overhauls, such as expansions from stubs to full article. This article has been around for years, and while you have made some nice additions to it recently, I'd suggest that feedback would be best provided by the Wikiproject - for example, perhaps you feel that the article now deserves to be moved up on the quality scale. This article is within WikiProject Medicine. You might also check with members of the Neurology task force. (Obviously, any other editor reading is free to comment here, but my experience is that the editors who hang out here are more apt to help with basic needs, and this article requires the review of specialists.)-- SPhilbrick  T  14:00, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Wajdi Mallat
Wajdi Mallat is an influential Lebanese political figure who has recently passed away. I have finished editing the entry and believe that it is complete and up to standard. Cross links and references included. I would appreciate feedback. Thank you. Shaque (talk) 12:09, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Not bad at all, I can't see any immediate problems with it. - Reconsider !  12:34, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks quite good, very impressive for someone with only 32 edits. As you know, we require references, you have supplied references, and those references do not have to be online references. However, I would feel much better if I could see some online reference supporting some of the claims - is it really the case that there are no online references to this distinguished person?


 * I have removed the unreviewed template. I left the orphan template, but perhaps you can address that (It appears this person is not currently mentioned in any other articles, but you could remedy that, if you can do so appropriately.)-- SPhilbrick  T  12:45, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
 * I was able to find an online reference supporting many of the points, so I have added it to the article, and added references where appropriate.-- SPhilbrick  T  12:59, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
 * I removed the orphan template, after providing an incoming link form the article on his son. I looked at Abderrahmane Youssoufi, but that article doesn't mention his role in the Arab Organization for Human Rights, and I couldn't easily find the right material, perhaps you can do better.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:38, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Thematic Learning
Hi friends,

Recently, I have added this page to Wikipedia. Keeping a good faith in Wikipedia, I have tried to make this article lucid and informative and in Encyclopedic style. In order to make this article beautiful, I request you for your feedback and suggestions. Please let me know how it looks and its developmental need.

Your help will be deeply appreciated.

--Alok Mishra (talk) 11:34, 3 May 2010 (UTC)


 * I think it's very nice. The only suggestion I have would be to see if you can find some additional sources and expand it a bit. Looks good! -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:06, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 * I agree with Nuujinn, good start. A couple specific comments:
 * The sentence that starts "Thematic learning is based on the idea..." is quite important, should be referenced. If it comes from the reference at the end of the paragraph, I'd move the footnote to this sentence. (Practice varies, and not everyone agrees, but I like to see the footnote immediately after important claims. If the footnote supports only the second sentence, you should add a reference for this central point.)
 * It's a bit heavy on the bold. In your list of main steps, consider bolding only the action word
 * Lack of parallelism - the main word in your list of main steps is a verb for the first two (good) and a noun in the second two. Can you find a verb for all four?
 * You talk about "Macro or Micro theme", apparently important because it is in bold, but you don't define or use either concept (or maybe you did use it, but I missed it because it wasn't defined).
 * "Rote" should not be capitalized (I fixed it)
 * "Learning with Understanding" is bold and capitalized. Is it a term of art? If so, it needs a definition and a reference. Or if you simply meant "learning with understanding", drop the caps and the bold.-- SPhilbrick  T  19:33, 5 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you User:Sphilbrick for your suggestions. Indeed these are very useful. I have tried to implement many of them but some more references and material yet to find. I am searching in my books and library and soon will expend it. --Alok Mishra (talk) 09:17, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

User:CBehringer/Pneumococcal Awareness Council of Experts
I would like feedback for my article, User:CBehringer/Pneumococcal Awareness Council of Experts. Also, would someone be able to recommend how I can embed photos? Thank you,

CBehringer (talk) 17:20, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
 * There's a lot of information explaining how to include photos at Images.-- SPhilbrick  T  11:36, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 * The article is a nice start. As you note, it could be improved with photos. My main concern is the number of embedded links you have used. Embedded links are not encouraged, and the style you have used is not allowed. You have included a number of proper references, so it is clear you know how to do that (many new editors find that challenging.) For more information, see Embedded citations.-- SPhilbrick  T  12:09, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

University of south alabama honors program
This is a page for our honors program. It has lots of history and should be recognized. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sdoober (talk • contribs) 21:24, 3 May 2010 (UTC)


 * The article is completely unsourced to reliable sources that are independent of the subject. The sources on the article are all from the school. You should also read comflict of interest since you are a member of the group. So in summary the article is not ready for the mainspace.  GB fan  talk 21:56, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Link to the article User:Sdoober/University of South Alabama Honors Program  GB fan  talk 21:59, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Cherry Bekaert & Holland
Request for feedback/article move for Cherry Bekaert & Holland. This article reviews the certified public accounting firm, Cherry, Bekaert & Holland, located in the Southeast US. Mnewman.cbh (talk) 15:56, 4 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Well, it's very promotional and needs extensive cleanup to meet WP guildelines. The firm's web site should not be used as sources, generally speaking, and there are little other sources listed in the article that establish the firm's notability. I think that could be established, but the references as they stand are weak. Also, from your user name it appears you may have a conflict of interest. -- Nuujinn (talk) 14:24, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Milton_Reynolds
I had previously sought feedback on an early draft, now extensively linked and annotated, made language more objective.

I saw a help item on changing the userspace tag but can't find it now, so one question is what if anything to do with the page tag.

Thanks for your help. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lppgeraldj (talk • contribs) 19:04, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
 * A few comments:
 * I will remove the tag
 * This phrase "As with many if not most speculative business promoters, Reynolds’ fortunes rose and fell numerous times during his career." says almost nothing. Consider removing it. If it is important, it should be referenced.
 * This statement "Reynolds later bragged he’d triggered the biggest shopping riot in history" could use a reference.
 * In your aviator section, you make reference to K-2. However, K-2 is nowhere near the Amne Machin range in Tibet, it isn't even in Tibet. Oddly, there was a claim that K-2 was higher than Everest, but I don't think it came from Reynolds. The reference you include mentions Amne Machin, but not K-2. This needs to be cleaned up.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:00, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Arthur_De_Vany
Arthur_De_Vany is about a pioneer in entertainment economics, a specialized sub-field which I think will gain increasing attention as general economics and finance begin to focus more on behavioral economics and intellectual property.

Allenwlee (talk) 00:09, 5 May 2010 (UTC)allen lee may 4, 2010
 * Links to other parts of wikipedia should be done with wikilinks not external links. I fixed the first few so you can see how to do it. It's easier to do wikilinks than external links.
 * Generally speaking, if a term is used multiple times, it is wikilinked only the first time (there are exceptions, e.g. infoboxes and long articles)
 * You have a number of references, which is good, but you have quite a number of factual claims begging for a reference.
 * There are standard styles for citing books and references - you might look at WP:CITE and footnotes for help.
 * None of your references contain links to online material. This is acceptable, but it is easier for readers to access material if it can be found online - is it really the case that none of the material you reference can be found online? If some is online, and you don't know how to reference it, let me know.
 * Overall, looks like a good start. It should become a fine article soon.-- SPhilbrick  T  12:34, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
 * One more thing - I personally find it very helpful to use the optional citation gadget. To install, go to "My preferences", select the rightmost tab "Gadgets", the check the box next to refTools (in the Editing gadgets section). Once installed, it will add a new button "Cite" to your editing toolbar. Click on it to add a citation. Makes it much easier.-- SPhilbrick  T  12:37, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
 * As an example of proper citation style, I converted the first book "Arthur De Vany, Hollywood Economics: How Extreme Uncertainty Shapes the Film Industry, Routledge (October 2003)" and added it, so you can see both.-- SPhilbrick  T  12:59, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

thanks for your help! Allenwlee (talk) 23:51, 7 May 2010 (UTC)allen

Ham and Petersham Cricket Club
Ham and Petersham Cricket Club

This a relatively brief starter article about Ham and Petersham Cricket Club. In 2015 the club will 200 years old. This wikipedia entry will provide a short history of the club along and some historic facts which may be of interest to some readers. Will Cowling Willcowling (talk) 08:52, 5 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Will, please take a look at WP:CRIN and WP:ORG - you will need a lot more than one reference to establish the notability of the subject. – ukexpat (talk) 13:53, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

International Victimology Institute Tilburg (INTERVICT)
International Victimology Institute Tilburg (INTERVICT)

I don't quite understand if I have posted the article to the main Wikipedia section. Tried to follow the guidelines, but am afraid I don't quite get them... Also I would appreciate some feedback on the content. I'm new at the process, so if I can do anything to improve the page or the way to manage the content, I would be very grateful for any advice.

--PRcor (talk) 17:14, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
 * It is in the main area, which is unfortunate, as it isn't ready.
 * You've done a nice job with wikilinks and categories, but you haven't established Notability with references to reliable sources.
 * Your format needs work, see Article Layout; the good news is that can be fixed relatively easily.
 * Check out WP:CITE and footnotes; while references which are not online are perfectly acceptable, if they are online it is better for all if they are linked.
 * You don't need all the line break tags.
 * I see that you have some relevant material in the External links section; external links are helpful to the reader but they don't "count" in terms of establishing notability.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:53, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Emma.roach/Professional systems associates
This is my first wiki article, I have read all of the help topics on Wikipedia and I think the article ready to go live. Please review the article and make any suggestions so the article does not get deleted.

User:Emma.roach/Professional systems associates Thank you,

Emma.roach (talk) 21:04, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
 * You've provided some references, but not the way they need to be presented in Wikipedia. See WP:CITE and footnotes for specific information on how to do references, and see Article Layout, which will help with the placement of references, and explain why I removed your first section head.
 * You need to establish Notability with references to reliable sources, and those references should immediately followed the assertions of notability. You have some references, and I looked at a couple, but I didn't see any support for notability.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:22, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I took your recommendations: I added references and sentences that will support the notability and I cited the references with footnotes. Please look at it again and tell me if I need anything else. Thanks! Emma.roach (talk) 16:48, 6 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Couple of Manual of Style and other points: section headings should not contain Wikilinks; external links in the the body of the article should be kept to an absolute mininum - so there is no need to link to the company's website in the lead paragraph, the External links section is the place for that link. The second paragraph is written a bullet-list, albeit with leading dashes instead of bullets - this should be turned into prose rather than a list. The draft is also a little promotional in tone - "solution" is a Marketing 101 term used in press releases and always raises a red flag when used on Wikipedia. – ukexpat (talk) 17:06, 6 May 2010 (UTC)
 * The word "solution" should only occur in discussions of solutes dissolved in solvents! -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  19:13, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I made all of the changes recommended including taking any mention of "solution" out of the article. Is there anything else that I should change or that has a "marketing tone"? Emma.roach (talk) 18:35, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I noticed that the article has the "Move" tab on it now. Do you think it is ready for the main space? Emma.roach (talk) 18:04, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
 * The draft is quite improved, but a few things to note:
 * "PSA’s growth is rooted in: a customer focused approach to service and support" sounds more like a PR release than an encyclopedia article.
 * "CMPRO is currently being assessed by the Institute of Configuration Management..." is not technically a violation of WP:FUTURE, but it isn't what one expects in an encyclopedia - consider removing it and adding when it is accomplished.
 * I made some minor copy edit changes
 * You had one remaining embedded cite, I converted it
 * The three items in the Boeing section all have factual claims begging for a reference.
 * If you address these, I'd say you are good to go - be aware that we are all volunteers and my say-so does not insulate you against a possible Notability concern from another editor - I see it as a close call.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:44, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for all of the time that you have contributed and the feedback. I have moved the page to the mainspace. Emma.roach (talk) 15:06, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Kronid Lyubarsky
Kronid Lyubarsky: Leader of the Moscow Helsinki Group from 1993 to 1996 and one of the editors of the samizdat publication Chronicle of Current Events. I am not sure how much of the article should be sourced; I could add more info on his trial using the Amnesty International translations of the "Chronicle" itself; but this seems redunant, as he was its editor.

Most of the information is taken from the book on him published in Russia; sourcing individual paragraphs seems superfluous.

Also, I am not sure if the chronological structure of the article is OK and how much, if anything, should be mentioned in the first sentence of the article. Nkrita (talk) 16:00, 6 May 2010 (UTC)


 * I think it looks pretty good. You might check out WP:CITE for guidance in citing sources, but I think you have the general idea down well. If you use a named reference, it's easy to tag multiple parts of an article to the same reference. I think the structure looks pretty good, but you might see if you can find a public domain picture and add a biographical infobox.


 * As for sources, Google new archives is generally pretty good, but in this case, there are only a couple of references, see here. -- Nuujinn (talk) 00:50, 11 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the feedback and links. I will try and find an appropriate image & infobox. Nkrita (talk) 22:59, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

KIND Healthy Snacks
I am having a really hard time moving this article. I have gone through everything many times. Can someone please guide me in the right direction? KIND Healthy Snacks http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Zevzigler/KIND_Healthy_Snacks

Thanks, Zev —Preceding unsigned comment added by Zziegler129 (talk • contribs) 00:06, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
 * You won't have the move button until you have four more edits. However, the current version is very promotional in tone, and it would be in danger of being deleted if moved in its current form.-- SPhilbrick  T  11:51, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, you may want to work on the tone of the article to make it more neutral-sounding, and then move it. Otherwise, as Sphilbrick says, it may get deleted. Chevymontecarlo . 18:59, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Anti Cancer Diet
I created an article on the Anti Cancer Diet, which I presented in school. I am ready to post it live but wanted final feedback. Let me know what you think. Thank you, LoHeHa77 (talk) 00:22, 8 May 2010 (UTC)LoHeHa77 May 7, 2010
 * I don't think you are going to like my feedback, but here it is. You mentioned that you presented it in school—when you work on an essay in school, you are applauded for original research and synthesis, but neither are appropriate for a Wikipedia article. The ideal article presents material in an organized way, but the material must all be supportable by reliable sources, and you must take care to avoid presenting results that are not supported by reliable sources.


 * Your article is more of an essay on a topic, but it isn't entirely clear how to identify the subject matter. The title implies a discussion of the general concept of anti-cancer diets, but then it goes on to discuss a specific diet. You next discuss four specific foods but not in the context of a specific diet.


 * As an aside, I happen to be having dinner with a health care professional, who agreed that green tea, olive oil and tumeric are all anti-cancer, but she claims soy is not anti-cancer, perhaps even contributing to cancer. Obviously, the word of my dinner companion doesn't satisfy verifiability, but it does cast doubt on the list.


 * The Servan-Schreiber book may or may not be notable in itself, but this isn't a review of the book, so it doesn't really matter. You've obviously done some work pulling this together, and I'm struggling to find a way to recommend how to organize the material so it would be an acceptable article, but I'm not finding a good solution. You might visit the respective articles on the four foods, and see if some of the material you gathered can enrich those articles, but that won't help you if your goal is turning this into an article in this form. -- SPhilbrick  T  23:49, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Pocket LOOX PDAs
Hey, I would really appreciate some feedback on my article about line of PDAs Pocket LOOX by Fujitsu-Siemens.

Thanks! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hurk87 (talk • contribs) 01:16, 8 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Just a tip - on talk pages, you should sign your posts by typing four tildes (~). You can also click on the tildes next to the 'Sign your posts on talk pages' section at the bottom of the edit window. :) Chevymontecarlo . 19:04, 8 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Well, it looks pretty good. But you need some additional references, searching google's new archives often helps, take a look here for some possibilities. The issue is you need some good secondary sources to establish notability (see WP:N for more information. -- Nuujinn (talk) 16:53, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Ellyrobi/Australian Institute of Family Studies
Hi, this is my first article and I'm keen to get some feedback, thanks. User:Ellyrobi/Australian Institute of Family Studies Thanks Ellyrobi (talk) 07:52, 8 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Good start, well-written and organized. The major concern I have is with Notability, which I suspect can be addressed. The organization has been in existence for some time and has published a number of studies, but there's no evidence in the article that these studies have been used in any way. I'm sure they have, but you should include some references to reliable sources showing discussion of the reports, ideally showing that conclusions have influenced policy.-- SPhilbrick  T  16:04, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks very much, great ideas. I'll address these issues, which shouldn't be too hard. Should I then gain feedback here again? Or can I go on to publish the article? Ellyrobi (talk) 03:37, 10 May 2010 (UTC)