Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/Archive 13

Politics of Bristol
Hi,

I've spent today editing the Politics of Bristol article today and I think it looks a lot better for it.

I've hidden some of the information on the History of Bristol City Council page because I think the original was getting a bit crowded. —Preceding unsigned comment added by SamUK (talk • contribs) 22:22, 13 April 2009 (UTC)


 * Gosh, I see you've done a lot of work on it, and tables are very fiddly - great job!


 * Suggestions for further development;
 * The lede section could be a bit longer, giving more of a summary. Also avoid vague terms. This sentence; "The overall trend of both local and national representation is left of centre, favouring the Labour Party and Liberal Democrats." - it would be better to state the trend in terms of a percentage, and avoid 'favouring' (weasel words). State the facts, and let the reader decide how significant they are.
 * The references could be improved considerably by using citation tags. For some help on this, see user:chzz/help/refs.


 * I hope this helps; keep up the good work!  Chzz  ►  19:03, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

proposal for merging 2 articles
In my opinion Two-body_problem and Gravitational_two-body_problem should be merged. What is the correct procedure, I mean "what is the correct way for doing this?"

I added banner and  in respective articles, is it enough?

Daniel exb (talk) 22:21, 14 April 2009 (UTC)


 * You could start off a discussion as explained at Help:Merging and moving pages. bamse (talk) 03:09, 15 April 2009 (UTC)


 * I see that Gravitational two-body problem has two proposals to merge it into other articles, so ironically it would appear to be in danger of ripping apart! I see no discussion so far, so I would suggest first, leave a message on the talk page of the major contributors - ie check in the history, see who has really worked on the articles, and ask for their input in the discussion. You could also leave a message in Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Physics, seeking input on the article talk page.


 * If you don't get much of a response, then be bold, and perform the merger. Anything can be 'undone', and sometimes the only feedback comes after the event. See WP:BRD.


 * Best of luck with whatever actions you take,  Chzz  ►  18:50, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Toxic encephalopathy
Toxic encephalopathy is a broad neurologic disorder caused by toxic substances, such as paint solvents. Please give suggestions for improvement to this article so that it reaches B-class or GA status. Is anything missing.(By the way, I know the lead needs expansion).--Edward130603 (talk) 21:05, 17 April 2009 (UTC)


 * The WP:LEDE needs expansion :-)


 * The first thing that I noticed was, the very wide picture - it was wider than my screen and therefore it wrapped over the Wikipedia search bar etc. I have changed this to use Template:Wide image. That's one solution; however, I wonder if the image itself is appropriate. Images can be invaluable in article, but if it can be said in prose, this is preferred.


 * There are a lot of sections, and they are all quite short; see if it would be possible to merge some of them together. A section should typically have two to five paragraphs, and most in this article just have a few lines. I'm sure that this article could be expanded, and this would be required to provide the breath of coverage required for a good article.


 * There are several 'lists' in the article, and these would look better in prose form. Instead of;
 * Toxic encephalopathy is caused by extended exposure to toxic chemicals. These include:
 * 1,1,1-trichloroethane
 * Trichloroethylene
 * Perchloroethylene
 * ...it would be better to put;
 * Toxic encephalopathy is caused by extended exposure to toxic chemicals, including 1,1,1-trichloroethane, Trichloroethylene and Perchloroethylene.

This will also help make the article look less 'thin'.

The best overall advice I can offer, is to find articles on similar topics that are already good articles or even featured articles - see how they have done things. For example, in this case, Alzheimer's disease, Multiple sclerosis and Meningitis are all featured articles.

Anyway - I see that the article is also being peer reviewed, so hopefully you will have enough ideas for now!

Cheers,  Chzz  ►  18:42, 19 April 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks for your suggestions Chzz. --Edward130603 (talk) 22:16, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Request for feedback on article Crazy Bones
Hello All,

I've been around on wikipedia for a while, but I've only really reverted vandalism up until now. I was looking around for information on a toy a friends child was playing with and when I got the the page Crazy Bones I was a bit disappointed. I decided I would have a crack at revising it a little bit and did just that. The thing is I don't know if I've done a good job or where to go with it next!? I'd really like to get it up to DYK status because I think a hook about Greek kids playing with sheeps knucklebones would be BRILLIANT! Your time, effort and advice is greatly appreciated! --LookingYourBest (talk) 18:32, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Apologies that it took awhile to reply. I read your post and the article the day you left the above message, to see if it could be a DYK candidate, but the time had already passed. You had 5 days from the time you increased its content fivefold (5x) to submit it for DYK, and that time had already passed (on the 12th). Nice job with the article! Its an interesting topic. Right now I think the second half needs the most work. According to WP:Layout and WP:Guide to writing better articles, very short sections and paragraphs should be avoided if possible. So perhaps those snippets of information can be added to, or somehow combined by removing the individual sections for each of them, and then expanding on the one-two sentence paragraphs. Also you might take a look at the templates to clean up the citations. Also, be careful about giving too many examples of model/series names. It invites users to add to the list, whereas prose is generally preferred over lists of things (in actual articles). Keep plugging away. Hope this helps :-) Killiondude (talk) 08:11, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * That's an amazing amount of help, thanks a million for that! (Still gutted I didn't make the DYK timeline! Oh well!) I'll have a good, hard look at that second half and try and work out what I can do with it. Do you mind if I ask you to review it again when I do? Many thanks again! --LookingYourBest (talk) 03:16, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, of coarse. You can ask here or on my talk page. You're very welcome! Killiondude (talk) 04:42, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Balfred1980
Hi, I have just written a first draft of my first article for Wikipedia on my (wiki) homepage and I was hoping for some feedback before I post it to the actual site. Any/all feedback both positive and negative are expected and encouraged. Thanks in advance --Balfred1980 (talk) 04:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)


 * Also, where would be the best place to put this article? I see on some of the help pages that local band articles (although the band is not mine) don't seem to belong on the main site. I do plan on writing quite a few more of these for other local bands in my area but where is the best place to put them? Balfred1980 (talk) 21:52, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * For now it is best to leave it where it is, until you fix some of the issues with it :-) It has to meet certain guidelines before it can be an actual article on Wikipedia. It has to meet either WP:GNG or WP:BAND. In order to prove that these criteria have been met, you need to cite several reliable, third party sources]. Also, the article needs to be written in a [[WP:NPOV|neutral point of view, neither praising nor being negative about the band. The thing about local bands is that they don't always meet the criteria to have a page (they aren't notable enough). If they aren't notable enough, they can't have an article (according to policy). But there are locals bands who do meet those requirements. Its just the majority can't. Hope that explains it. Let me know if you have any more questions or if that didn't make sense. Killiondude (talk) 18:27, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tex2009/Tonya_Evinger
I've decided to jump on the wikipedia train and actually make a page. This is my first time, so please don't ream me too badly.

Thanks, Tex2009 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Tex2009 (talk • contribs) 03:21, 23 April 2009 (UTC)


 * Hi there. That's great work, for a first article.


 * Suggestions - you need to add a couple of good, solid reliable sources - such as major newspapers. A useful way to find these is to use the Google "News search" feature, and select "all dates". For Tonya Evinger, that gives this. Not all of those articles will be reliable sources, and some will require a payment to read the article - but you might be able to find the actual newspaper in a library. Any information from a reliable source will help to establish the notability.


 * Another quick tip; in the infobox, you list the hometown using the code;
 * Odessa, Missouri
 * ...which gives this link;
 * Odessa, Missouri
 * It would be better to put the code;
 * Odessa, Missouri
 * ...which produces links to the two separate places, and looks like this;
 * Odessa, Missouri


 * For more help on this topic, see WP:LINKING.


 * Hope this helps,  Chzz  ►  04:20, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Education in Guyana
Hello,

Please review article at caption, and recommend areas for improvement - also it's been developed from a one paragraph stub to about eight or more, please give it a new rating on the quality scale.

--Be the change you want to see in the world - The Mahatma (talk) 16:08, 25 April 2009 (UTC) Thanks

Speakwise —Preceding unsigned comment added by Speakwise (talk • contribs) 16:01, 25 April 2009 (UTC)


 * Speakwise, I haven't looked too deeply into this article but the secondary headings of the article should not be linked. You can include the links in the body text somehow. --Edward130603 (talk) 15:13, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * This page is almost ready for a Good article nomination. The inline citations at the bottom would be better if they were cited with citeweb.--Edward130603 (talk) 15:17, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * If possible, find revelant pictures. Currently there is only one, and it is the Coat of Arms.--Edward130603 (talk) 15:26, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Edward..I'll take your suggestions on board. I'm at school too so I'll probably do it in bits. --WillJ (talk) 18:26, 26 April 2009 (UTC)Speakwise


 * The pictures need to be 'thumbnailed' - so, instead of this;

A primary school in Georgetown, Guyana.
 * put;


 * This will put the picture into a box, with a caption, as shown alongside this text. Remember that not all users will have a wide display screen; by presenting the images in this way, it will display clearly for a wider range or readers, and anyone who wishes can click on the thumbnail to expand it.


 * Hope this helps,  Chzz  ►  04:27, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Chzz, thanks much for that tip..I'll fix the pic.

Cheers. --WillJ (talk) 09:10, 27 April 2009 (UTC)


 * In addition, do you have any information on the grading scale in Guyana(in US, it is A,B,C,D,F). Look in articles such as Education in United States for additional ideas. --Edward130603 (talk) 20:26, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks again, I'll check about the grading scale. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Speakwise (talk • contribs) 09:03, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

Crudgington
Hi

Can someone give me some advice on Crudgington please?

It was a two line stub previously, so anything there is available for comment.

Thanks Slowbrownfox (talk) 11:11, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Hi! First of all, you might want to skim through WP:UKCITIES. It is a guideline on how UK settlement articles should be written. Because it is a guideline, it is not enforced, but merely suggested. Feel free to adjust things as needed.
 * Onto the feedback: You've done a great job of referencing information. The refs vs. content is very nice right now. I think that the "Landmarks" section should probably be renamed. It does talk about a couple landmarks, but the information could probably be divided into "Economy" and "Religion". Once divided, you could expand to include more aspects about those two sections. Also a section on "Public services" might be appropriate too (info on who/what provides services for electricity, water, gas, telephones, police, etc.). Other than those few things, I think the information could just be expanded a little more (if you have more knowledge/references about it). For example, more recent history could be included. I hope this helps. Killiondude (talk) 23:06, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Chirikof Island
4/29 I made extensive edits, added some footnotes. Is there something more I should be doing to help make the ostentatious "this article has problems" signs go away?Pilobola (talk) 00:50, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Great job on the article! There's lots of info there now and its pretty well referenced. The one thing I would suggest is that similar information be sectioned off together. You can always use subheadings too. Like the article could have a "History" section ( ==History== in wiki-code) and then all the information could be broken down into subsections using ====== . For instance, there's currently at least 4 sections dealing primarily with the history surrounding the island, and those could be made into subsections of a "History" section. Additionally, the lead section could probably be improved. We try to keep leads around 2 paragraphs long (ideally), which summarizes the article as a whole.
 * As to the article issues tag--I just removed it. I think the concerns have been met. Of course, nothing is perfect, so there's always room for improvement :-) You might also wanna check out WP:BETTER for tips on how to make articles better. Killiondude (talk) 23:41, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

All flesh must be eaten
Hi all. Could somebody please give me some input on User:ZombieCow/AFMBE? It's a rewrite of the "expansions" section in All Flesh Must Be Eaten. Any help/input is appreciated. Thanks. --ZombieCow (talk) 13:32, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey there. I like that you put it into a table/box. It makes it look more organized. The only thing I would suggest is that you'd incorporate the refs currently attached to that information on the actual All Flesh Must Be Eaten page. It would give readers more info should they wish to click on the news/reviews articles. Additionally, I see that they've italicized the book titles on the mainspace article--I'm not sure if this is a real book or what... Did you consider following suit with your subpage material? Just wondering. I'm not sure which way is best, but its best to note it. Good idea with the box thing. Killiondude (talk) 23:50, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

New York City ethnic enclaves
I have worked on this article a lot, and brought it from a list with no lead to a DYK status article, expanded it 7.45 times or added 33000+ bytes, and I was wanting feedback on how I could make the article better, possibly GA status in the future. Or, despite my doubts of it ever happening, FA status. Also, I would like a rating on the quality scale for the article. I would do it myself rather than aggravate someone else, but I want an impartial rating. Thanks, mynameinc 14:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

White Night Riots
I've taken this article from Start-class all the way up to a solid B, and i'm going to nominate it at GAN very soon. Could somebody please proofread and copyedit it? I've contributed almost all the content, so I need a fresh pair of eyes to spot what I miss. Firestorm Talk 04:20, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

RK Gorenje ; request for feedback.
So, I have expanded and original RK Gorenje stub article. I've made the structure of the article as I thought it was apropriate to present a sports club, however I've edited Club history section according to original structure from www.rk-gorenje.com. For club history I used slovenian texts published at their homesite, however I've made english translations and modification( certain parts of information had to be put in different sections) by myself. I've also used some other web sites to get certain pices of information (about players and their succsefullnes in EHF competitions), I have put all web sites to reference section. There is still some work to do with certain details, but it has to wait because I am waiting for GNU license for certain texts and pictures about the club, that I'll add later on.

This is it, I am hoping for some feedback about gramar and structure of the text. --revelation restricts 14:09, 3 May 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dylanus (talk • contribs)

user :James W. von Brunn
How do I get user: James W. von Brunn on Wikipedia website. Also I have a letter from Professor Revilo Oliver pertaining to Willis Carto that I want to attach. ??????? James von Brunn (talk) 22:18, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * The first step I'd suggest is reading WP:My first article, which has lots of information on how to write an article, what to put in it, and what not to put in it. It's the first stop for anyone who wants to write an article. You could also try taking a look at articles about similar people to get ideas of what is and is not acceptable for a Wikipedia article.
 * However, there is one thing I'd like to point out- your username implies you are either this person or closely connected with them. In that case, I strongly suggest you read WP:COI, as you have a conflict of interest. If this is true, it may be best for you to request the article, rather than writing it yourself. You may also wish to read WP:Notability to see if this person should have an article (per Wikipedia guidelines). I hope this helps! --Alinnisawest,Dalek Empress ( extermination requests here ) 00:33, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Adyar
I made some substantial edits to the page Adyar against the three problem areas - references, wikification, peacocking. I think I've kinda taken care of these. Can I get some feedback before I remove the tags? -SpacemanSpiff (talk) 02:02, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

You have taken care of all three things. Good work! And you did the right thing to remove the wikification and peacock tags. I am a little hesitant as to the removal of the unreferenced tag. Perhaps it would have been better to change it to a refimprove tag. Debresser (talk) 23:56, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Pentecostalism
I and a few other editors have substantially improved the article from the doctrinal point of view. However, the history sections are lacking and we haven't done much work there. I would like a review to give us a different perspective on what we should add, expand, remove, and/or rearrange. Thanks. Ltwin (talk) 04:27, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I suggest that whenever you want a review for an article, you take it to peer review. There it will be listed along with other articles that people routinely stop by and review. Cheers. Mm40 (talk) 11:04, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

New Entry for Semantic Designs
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Clinternet/Semantic_Designs

I am trying to set up an entry for this company. I have started the page, but would appreciate suggestions on improving it so it is suitable for posting

-Clinternet —Preceding unsigned comment added by Clinternet (talk • contribs) 15:25, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * User:Dawn Bard already gave a good summary of what the problem is with the article on your talk page. The article lacks proof of notability. The only reference returns a "page not found". To improve the article, fix the reference link and add more references of independent and reliable sources that show the relevance of this company. There are some minor issues as well: don't hyperlink in the the text section of the article. The history section should be expanded. bamse (talk) 01:01, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Cold distillation new page
Hi,

I'd like to add a page describing Cold distillation. I have drafted Cold distillation as a user page. can i have some feedback on it before submitting to publish please?

Many thanks

Tom Jefferies —Preceding unsigned comment added by Tomjefferies (talk • contribs) 15:53, 27 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Please add references and wikilink the article. What is OXLEY gin? At the moment it is hard to say if "Cold distillation" is a commonly used term or just marketing. It is also not clear what the difference to vacuum distillation is. Maybe you could expand the article to explain the different stills. Don't wikilink section headings. The first sentence is a bit confusing: "...reduce the pressure to temperatures of between....". bamse (talk) 00:46, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

NA'AMAT USA
I am requesting that NA'AMAT USA be included in the list of Women's Organizations and Jewish Women's Organizations.

NA'AMAT USA is part of the internation movement which supports the work of NA'AMAT Israel, Israel's largest women's movement. It provides social services for women, youth, children and families in Israel including Jewish, Arab, and Druse citizens of Israel.

Services include Israel's largest network of day care centers, technological high schools for at-risk youth, women's centers, legal services and much more. The web site of NA'AMAT USA is www.naamat.org

Sylvia Lewis, National Vice President NA'AMAT USA —Preceding unsigned comment added by Syllewis1 (talk • contribs) 14:37, 25 May 2009 (UTC)


 * I have added it to List of women's organizations with this edit.


 * I cannot find an article called "Jewish Women's Organizations" or "List of Jewish Women's Organizations".


 * Please note that NA'AMAT appears as a red link because there is no article yet. If you wish to get an article made, you could either add it to the Requested articles, or you could create an article in your user area - for example, User:Syllewis1/NA'AMAT - with suitable references to reliable sources, and then add it to the Articles for creation. If you decide to do this, please read WP:BESTCOI, which explains about writing articles when you have a conflict of interest. Thanks,  Chzz  ►  03:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Warren Cormier
Warren Cormier is the CEO of the National Association of Retirement Plan Participants. He is also the President of Boston Research Group (BRG), and Co-Founder of the RAND Behavioral Finance Forum.

Warren Cormier's research and professional experience is in qualitative and quantitative experience in financial services research for investment companies, banks and the insurance sector.

His work includes projects that focus on strategic marketing issues, market segmentation, product development, customer satisfaction, consumer learning, decision-making processes, distribution issues, competitive assessments and marketing communications.

Mr. Cormier's work covers a broad segment of the Defined Contribution Industry including the issues of plan providers, intermediaries, plan administrators and participants. Mr. Cormier is the creator of the DCP 2000-2009 plan sponsor satisfaction and market dynamics study. 401(k) record keepers representing 95% of all 401(k) assets and plans subscribe to BRG’s DCP study. DCP scores are requisite data for most DC industry plan provider search RFPs.

This is my first attempt at an article, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


 * (This section was added, along with the section below, by 17:00, 28 May 2009   Chzz  ►  03:45, 31 May 2009 (UTC))


 * See below section for replies.  Chzz  ►  03:45, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

National Association of Retirement Plan Participants - NARPP
The National Association of Retirement Plan Participants (NARPP), founded in 2009 is an advocacy Group that, according to its mission statement, has a goal to "help 401(k) plan participants make informed decisions about their retirement, to provide them with a platform for discussion, and to advocate on their behalf with employers, 401(k) plan providers and Washington policymakers."

NARPP functions as an independent association supported solely by members and does not sell any financial products or represent any financial institutions. NARPP has an advisory board containing a mix of industry, research and academics from behavioral economics

69.227.225.41 (talk) 17:09, 28 May 2009 (UTC) jackmartinb 69.227.225.41 (talk) 17:09, 28 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Hello there. The very first thing that you should do is, get yourself a Wikipedia login. It is free, easy, and will allow us to help you a lot further. See Why create an account?.


 * Once you have an account, you can create articles like that in your own user space, and work on them.


 * Judging from the things you have written, I think that you might need to also read through the business FAQ. For inclusion, the articles will need to be notable (as detailed in WP:ORG), and the sources will have to be verifiable and reliable.


 * I hope that you will be able to contribute to Wikipedia.  Chzz  ►  03:52, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Introduction to quantum mechanics
I am earnestly seeking non-experts to assess a subject about which they probably know very little. There are two WP articles concerning quantum mechanics. One, Quantum mechanics, is designed to be a full exposition of the subject for those who wish to explore the topic at depth. The other, Introduction to quantum mechanics is, in the words of the WP:Hatnote, designed to "an accessible, non-technical introduction to the subject. For the main encyclopedia article, see Quantum mechanics." The present user, your obedient servant, rewrote the article in what to him was the spirit of its title and introduced it on 27 May 2009. It was reverted with the suggestion WP:BRD. You can see the difference between the older, longer, article and the new one here (you have to scroll all the way to the bottom). The comments of the entire Wikipedia community, not just physicists, are welcome, and indeed, sought. Yours sincerely, GeorgeLouis (talk) 16:53, 29 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Firstly, this is a noble idea. Difficult, but worthwhile.


 * The 'see also' is very long. This looks to me like a prime candidate for a navbox - a navigation box. I quickly knocked one up, please see user:chzz/quantum. If you edit it, you'll see that the code is not too complicated. I've made no good attempt at deciding the sections etc, I leave that to the experts, but I feel that if a good, organised navbox could be made about the 'Quantum' topic, this could usefully be used at the bottom of all of those articles. Please feel free to edit it, copy it, play with it, and make a template:navbox quantum.


 * I think this would be much better than the infobox used at present. For one thing, I'd like to see a more exciting photo at the top; was it Stephen Hawking who was told, every equation he put in his book would halve the readership? If this is an intro for us non-experts, then a nice, impressive picture would be a lot better than an equation which is going to be meaningless to us.


 * I think that the lede section should be much longer; an overview of the whole article.


 * I think that a lot of the language used needs work; it often borders on original research, and some of it sounds non-encyclopaedic and perhaps patronising; for example;

The idea of particles and waves is simply a mental model derived from everyday experience. Take, for example, the rainbow of colours reflected from a puddle of water when a thin film of oil rests on its surface. That phenomenon makes sense by thinking of light as waves...


 * A quick suggested rewrite;

Energy can be thought of as particles or waves; neither is the truth, but both models help us to think of quantum events in every-day terms. The rainbow of colours reflected from a puddle of oily water can be understood by thinking of light as waves...


 * ...the above is by no means perfect - a rough draft. The idea is to present the facts, and let the reader draw their own conclusion. Avoid saying "this is simple" and "makes sense by..." (maybe to you, maybe not to the reader), and "Take, for example" (not very encyclopaedic language).


 * I think that the article should focus more on an explanation of Quantum mechanics, and less on the history. If the history can still be covered whilst explaining the theory, then all the better.

All of the above - as everything I write - is #|IMHO. Explaining Quantum mechanics to non-experts is not easy, but exactly the sort of thing that Wikipedia can strive to do. I wish you the very best of luck with it.  Chzz  ►  05:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Nocturnes Op. 37 (Chopin)
This is an article about a pair of Chopin's nocturnes for piano. The article includes excerpts, summarys, the significance of these nocturnes, as well as quite a few other things.

After I started the article, many people significantly expanded it. I believe it is quite comprehensive now.

I am wondering if the B rating is appropriate. Also, how can this article be prepared for GA Assessment. Any improvements.

--Edward130603 (talk) 20:21, 27 May 2009 (UTC)


 * One way to see what the article needs for GA is to look at articles of the same kind that are already Good Articles. A categorized list of Good Articles is at Good Articles.  Best of luck.   Diderot's   dreams  (talk) 01:39, 28 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks, I will do that. Does anyone have any specific comments?--Edward130603 (talk) 19:17, 28 May 2009 (UTC)


 * The first paragraph of the lede contains the word 'nocturne(s)' eight times; I know that this is difficult to avoid, but with rephrasing that could be reduced somewhat.


 * The lede contains information that is not given elsewhere in the document - e.g. about George Sand. The lede should be a summary of the whole article - this is a GA requirement.


 * "considered to be one of the better nocturnes" - by whom?


 * "are definite signs of "progress"" - quotations must always be followed by an immediate reference (GA requirement) - not at the end of the sentence


 * I don't know much about the specific topic, but I feel that the article could be more 'broad in scope' - another GA requirement. For example, information about significant performances, uses in contemporary music (derivatives?), or other appropriate details. From a very brief search in Google Books, for example, I found info here about copies of a 'proof stage' of the work.


 * Those are some sample specific comments; in working towards GA, I recommend the following course of action;


 * Have a look through this GA 'cheat sheet' for the kind of issues you will need to address;
 * Look at other, similar, featured articles and copy the style. For example, Symphony No. 3 (Górecki).
 * Request a peer review.


 * I wish you the very best of luck.  Chzz  ►  03:38, 31 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks, Chzz. Your feedback is always so helpful.--Edward130603 (talk) 11:15, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Economic history of China
I've worked on this article for three months, bringing it from a stub(which I deleted) and brought it to the current status. I'd like some feedback on ways the article can be improved.(Note: This inquiry is limited to pre-1911). Teeninvestor (talk) 02:05, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately I don't have time to read the article at the moment but it looks well-sourced and comprehensive. If you think that it is ready for that, you might want to put it up at Peer review. On first glance the choice of pictures could suggest that the article is about art in China rather than economy. Maybe you could add economy related graphs or maps of trade routes, etc to the article. I am not familiar with the subject though. If these suggestions don't make sense, just ignore them.bamse (talk) 02:19, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Central Morocco Tamazight
I've expanded Central Morocco Tamazight from a one-sentence article. However I recognize that it would be better to have the information coming from more sources. Does this article still deserve its start-class rating? Also, what would be good to add? Mo-Al (talk) 23:10, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

How to organize knowledge.
I read a Talk posted 23 March 2009 at 19:45 in WikiProject Chemistry which gave me an idea of how to provides a guide for organizing knowledge: Tetrahedral molecular geometry article the Periodic Table is sliced up tetrahedron provides an example of how I would envision proceeding. For one example, the human condition could begin with four major areas that are called blocks(one suggestion for example: reality, desires, perceptions, and ideas). As used in chemistry, as was recently discovered,those blocks, if ordered and proportioned in accordance with specific criteria, are simply the slices of regular tetrahedron. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Elderorphan (talk • contribs) 20:51, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure what you're saying, really. But I know this probably isn't the correct venue. This page is to request feedback for articles. ;-) Killiondude (talk) 20:48, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Ktiv male
The article ktiv male has been developed significantly since it was last rated. At what level of quality is it now? Mo-Al (talk) 23:56, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I was going to suggest that you ask at WP:HEBREW for a fuller review, but I see that WP:JUDAISM has superseded them. I don't think the article can be assessed higher than start quality right now because there's only 1 reference that is cited. Also note that we don't place external links in the body of an article, nor links to other Wikimedia wikis (in the body). I think if there were around 5 more references, this could be C-Class. But like I said, you should ask WP:JUDAISM on their talk page. They'd be able to give more pointers on how to make this specific article better. Killiondude (talk) 21:06, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Frank D'Angelo
I've written Frank D'Angelo, and am interested in getting some feedback on what research I can do to make it better. Anything helps... this is my first page and I want to get into some good habits.

Alexthepuffin (talk) 16:32, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Hi! You might wanna take skim through WP:BETTER which is a page about how you can make articles better. Nice job getting so many references for the article so far. One thing to do is to stay on topic. Its easy to start getting into particulars of his different business choices, but we have to remember this is a general biography, and some detailed specifics can probably go into the relative company articles. Also, you might wanna work on fixing the shorter sections. You might try to combine some information and short paragraphs to consolidate sections. For instance, the "Restaurant" and "Other Controversies" sections have 1 sentence each. Try to consolidate the sections or form subsections, perhaps. Adding an infobox might also help the article. There's the general or you could look around and find one that might fit this specific person better. Also, trying to find a picture of him wouldn't hurt either. Killiondude (talk) 20:42, 3 June 2009 (UTC)


 * These are great suggestions, thank you. I have removed things that are duplicates of what is in Steelback Brewery to keep the topic on him, not his companies. I also merged some sections and used subsections for his businesses and controversies.  Some of those subsections have just once sentence.  Do you think that makes sense?  I've hunted for a photo of him, but I just can't find one that has the right license.  But there are lots of press photos of him. Alexthepuffin (talk) 21:38, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company
I have extensively rewritten, referenced, and cited this article. I would like a more experienced editor to look at it, provide feedback, and if approprate let me know the proceedures to upgrade the article from start class

Ecragg (talk) 12:08, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Article Deleted! Why?
I wrote a short article on the Kilnhurst MFC (Model Flying Club) giving a little bit of information about the club and that it is located at a wood called Kilnhurst coppice in staffordshire UK. Kilnhurst meaning "Kiln in the wood" and its relation to a local brick works. the article has been deleted I assume as it was about a club or company YET you allow The Microsoft Corporation. Please explain as my article would have been of interest to local people! Mjdennison (talk) 11:48, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Did you read the explanation at User talk:Mjdennison ? bamse (talk) 15:36, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * See also Why was my page deleted?. Killiondude (talk) 16:36, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

'''Yep I read it and whilst Kilnhurst MFC is a club the article did have local interesting information. It also it states that it may have been deleted "because the article appears to be about a company or corporation, but it does not indicate how or why the subject is important or significant: that is, why an article about that subject should be included in an encyclopedia" Well as I stated above The Microsoft Corporation is a company and that is included and just because some people don't think information about the history of a local wood and brickworks is interesting it is wrong to assume that others won't either! so why not remove The Microsoft Corporation as I bet there are people who think that it is also uninteresting!!!'''

Mjdennison (talk) 08:48, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Not having seen your article, I would guess that notability is the problem here. Basically you have to show with reliable (third party) sources that the club is worthy of inclusion in wikipedia. bamse (talk) 14:50, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your help but I guess it's a bit "chicken and egg" as in, the article needs to be about something people know about but that limits anything new regardless of its level of interest. rather destroys the idea of an Encyclopedia, it feels to me that Wikipedia only want chickens and I only have an egg! so I guess its not what I thought so I'll give it a miss from now on, until now I was unaware just how much was NOT included in Wikipedia. Anyway thanks again for your help Mjdennison (talk) 22:41, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Animal Assisted Education
This is my first article, and I would appreciate your feedback of the short inroduction and then the substantiating evidence as seen in the provided link support. Thank you very much. Itallbegingshere —Preceding unsigned comment added by Itallbeginshere (talk • contribs) 02:56, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Improve the my article CLACL.
I am the publisher of CLACL (programming language). Since I am not very expert in wikipedia, I would have some advice on how to improve the article. I am not English and then there may be grammatical inaccuracies. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Maurog2009 (talk • contribs) 11:31, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

User:Youth4mitchell
Before I actually submit this article, I felt it necessary to request feedback on how to make it more encyclopedic. The article is on the Independent candidate for the Arizona gubernatorial election in 2010, John Paul Mitchell. As of yet, I have no references. The reason this is is because all my information was received through email correspondence with Mitchell. I contacted Mitchell and told him that in order for the article not to be deleted, he'd need to compile the information he gave me in an interview format (or something similar) and publish it on his website. As it stands, the article is on my user page. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Right now it's a mess and it pretty much a huge conglomerate of 5 to 6 different emails passed back and forth between myself and Mitchell. Thank you in advance for any help. It's appreciated.

Youth4mitchell (talk) 01:38, 6 June 2009 (UTC)Youth4mitchell
 * Hi. Thanks for joining the Wikipedia nation. Your article should actually be in Youth4mitchell/Sandbox, not on your User Page. Also, any info published on Mitchell's website is automatically suspect. You need to have independent sources, like newspapers, magazines, books. See WP:Sources. There is always a problem when a political campaign attempts to use Wikipedia as a promotional outlet. I'm sure other WP people can give you other WP policies for you to read, too. Sincerely, your friend, GeorgeLouis (talk) 01:46, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Oi! I apologize. I'm new to all this & am still testing the waters. I knew there would be difficulty in creating this article, but considering I am essentially working for the campaign, I felt it worth a try. I still genuinely wish to do what it takes to make this article acceptable, for I think it definitely belongs among the other encyclopedic entries on Wikipedia. There's virtually no information on John Paul Mitchell anywhere other than his website. Would it be within my best interests to contact him & let him know that if he wishes to bring credibility to this article, he needs to sit down with a journalist from a real newspaper and relay to them the information he relayed to me, and that the journalist must then go on to publish this information? Any & all help I can get is appreciated. I don't wish to break any rules or intentionally go against any policies, so any information that can further educate me on the matter is appreciated, as well. Youth4mitchell (talk) 01:56, 6 June 2009 (UTC)Youth4mitchell


 * There at least two Internet sources on him. Go to http://www.google.com/search?q=John+Paul+Mitchel&btnGNS=Search+azcentral.com&oi=navquery_searchbox&sa=X&as_sitesearch=azcentral.com&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en-us, or just type his name into any other search engine. Sincerely, GeorgeLouis (talk) 04:45, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

What types of information requires sources? I've seen a lot of Wiki articles that don't cite sources for various pieces of information, so I'm kind of confused as to what exactly mandates a reference. Youth4mitchell (talk) 18:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)Youth4mitchell

Help with Married to the MOB clothing article
Please check out my talk page User_talk:Lipprint66, to help with edits/making it neutral. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lipprint66 (talk • contribs) 14:39, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I've helped the user tone down their Leah_McSweeney article, and reposted it to the live article, as I have no WP:COI.
 * I've also corrected the above link to the user's talk page. Trafford09 (talk) 10:06, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

begin creating new page on women surgeons
Please feel free to add material:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Melba1/Sandbox —Preceding unsigned comment added by Melba1 (talk • contribs) 12:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)


 * I don't know much about the subject but am not sure where you want to go with this article. Should it be a list of all women surgeons (unlikely to ever be complete) or a list of famous women surgeons (who is famous?) ? A list would either be incomplete or include a random choice of entries in my opinion. A general article (as opposed to a list) about women surgeons does not seem interesting to me since women surgeons are doing the same job as men surgeons. Please correct me if the subject indeed warrants an article. bamse (talk) 23:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

green building finance
I have created my first article and would like to request feedback on it. article title - green building finance - Thank you, G. Oakes 17:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Ginger Oakes (talk • contribs)

Help with page creation: Mydent International
I want to create a website around and explaining a company called Mydent International. They are on the leading edge of industry as a company provide a good lense to view the industry. http://www.defend.com/index.php?mact=News,cntnt01,detail,0&cntnt01articleid=8&cntnt01returnid=54 This is a link to an article by fox news that addresses a problem that Mydent International can fix by there new line of lab coat that repels infection. Additionally, http://www.defend.com/index.php?mact=News,cntnt01,detail,0&cntnt01articleid=6&cntnt01returnid=54 is a link outline another product. http://www.rdhmag.com/display_article/301103/54/none/none/IndNw/Mydent-International-introduces-DEFEND%C2%AE-%22Breathe-E-Z%22-Pleated-Ear-Loop-Mas

I would like to move further on getting a page up. Thank you for your help. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mydent (talk • contribs) 19:25, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Frontenac House - Publishers
This is my first attempt at Wikipedia. Please review and tell me if I'm on the right track.

I started a "request for feedback" earlier in the stream, and tried to edit it, but made a mess of it, if anyone can even find it. I think I did a little better with this page on Canadian Publisher - Frontenac House. Thoughts?

[[Media:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Frontenac_House]]

--Frontenac House (talk) 04:11, 11 June 2009 (UTC)


 * This is the proper link: User:Frontenac House. Sincerely, GeorgeLouis (talk) 04:55, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Barnston Island Ferry
New article. Seeking feedback, constructive criticism, and suggestions for improvement - specifically on ways it could be expanded to meet DYK criteria. Thanks. -- &oelig; &trade; 10:54, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Looks good. You could add a little bit of history, at least saying since when it has been operating. One thing I wonder is if the ferry is the only way to get to the island. If not, maybe it is a shortcut as compared to other ways which could be mentioned in the article. Other than that I can only think of technical details of the tugboat or a picture to be added to the article. Maybe put the sentences The crossing time is usually five minutes. and It operates on-demand from... closer to each other. bamse (talk) 00:06, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you. I'll take that into consideration. :) -- &oelig; &trade; 11:28, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UGA_Accidentals
This is my first article and I really would love tons of feedback, criticism, hate, etc. so I can get this page up to wikipedia's standards. The article concerns collegiate a cappella, so anyone with knowledge of the subject would be VERY WELCOME to edit this page as well. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Stebo1 (talk • contribs) 14:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Need help making this neutral and postable....please help!!!
The information in the collapsed box was posted by on 13:34, June 4, 2009. -Killiondude (talk) 16:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Married to the MOB, also known as MTTM or simply MOB, is a women’s streetwear clothing line started by Leah McSweeney in 2004. The line is inspired by New York streets and clubs and rocks a chic, but not-to-be-messed with attitude that attracts style-confident females everywhere.

Leah McSweeney (born in 1982 in New York City) is founder and CEO of the successful female Married to the MOB clothing line. Her early years were spent in New York City until she was thrown out in eighth grade from an all girls catholic school, Convent of the Sacred Heart, whose alumni include Lady Gaga and the Hilton Sisters. Afterwards, Leah’s family moved to Newtown, Connecticut where she ran away every weekend to get back to her NYC roots. Once Leah finished high school, she moved back to the Big Apple and went to the Fashion Institute of Technology for one week before calling it quits.

Tired of seeing guys having the coolest gear and brands, Leah had the brilliant idea of creating her own female clothing line, Married to the MOB, in 2004. Leah used her settlement of $75,000 (from a law suit stemming from a police officer attack) to jumpstart her idea and bought an Apple computer and painted her Spring Street apartment walls pink.

Leah’s apartment became the Married to the MOB headquarters; everyone from Leah's model sister and MOB poster girl Sarah McSweeney to her teenage friend Tabatha McGurr, daughter of well-known graffiti artist Futura 2000, became part of the crew. The clothing line grew from there, and Leah switched her headquarters to the Empire State Building.

McSweeney has been included in a multitude of publications, such as [Elle Girl], [Inked (magazine)], [Complex (magazine)], [Elle (magazine)], [Vogue (magazine)], Hypebeast magazine, Format magazine, [Essence (magazine)], Paper magazine, Urb magazine, Teen Vogue, and Nylon magazine.

The bold statements on its graphic tees such as "Supreme Bitch" or "New York needs Peter Gatien” have become the brand's trademark. Even the tagline “Men are the new women” from a MOB campaign was even used in conjunction with the tv show Big Shots (TV series). Supreme store owner James Jebbia also worked with MOB and carried the brand’s tees in his stores.

MOB's hands bikini with graffiti artist Kaws was a stepping-stone for Leah's company. With the suit's handprints boldly placed on every guy’s favorite spots on a girl’s body, this product is one of the more renowned MOB collabs. Various collabs followed in 2007, notably with the German accessory house MCM and a MOB x Kangol cashmere beanie. Leah's love for France got her to meet graffiti artist Fafi, who helped design and model for the 07 Spring/Summer campaign. French avant-garde boutique Colette (boutique) collaborated successfully with MOB on Reebok lip print sneakers that sold out online in 23 minutes. MOB teamed up with Nike in November 08 on a white tweed and black patent dunk. The MOB girls dropped a denim line as well as cut and sew for Winter 08. February 09 brought KRINK inks and MOB together, and they co-branded a Valentine's Day pack.

In Spring 09, the first wave of the collection was a collaboration with Chicago rapper, Kid Sister. MOB's second wave of Spring 09 had the brand working with artist Jessy Kennedy, aka The Nite Rider, who added her naughty illustrations to a classically controversial MOB shirt. With the 50th Anniversary of Barbie in March 09, Colette (boutique) continued its relationship with MOB with a commemorative tee.

Married to the MOB (clothing) has been seen on many musicians and celebrities alike. The line has been worn by rapper Uffie, multi-talented artist Fergie (singer), singer Lady Gaga, model Doutzen Kroes, musician Kid Sister, and rapper Lady Sovereign.

Married to the MOB is more than a clothing line, it is your source for all things MTTM-related. Resident blogger Tabatha will keep you updated on everything you need to know and everything you ever wanted to know with a punchy style all her own. Check out [] for the must-see ramblings of MOB and get your daily dish of the unexpected.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ceweiblen/sandbox
Article about a company that has developed the first 3D dynamic holographic display. I tried to follow the Wikipedia guidelines and tutorials as well as possible, but I definitely need feedback about formatting, as this is the first post I have made. Also because I am a new user, the images are not in place yet. I have to wait a few days for access. I tried to cross-link to relevant Wikipedia pages and give outside references where I could. Because this technology is unique, there are some terms that I think might need to have stubs made? I put in the internal linking braces, so they will stand out as unlinked terms. I am having trouble formatting links to external sites, as in the references section, so please especially give me feedback about them if they are wrong. I left the article in my sandbox because it is still in development. Any comments are welcome. Thanks, Ceweiblen (talk) 05:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

UPDATE: I'm going to go ahead and make the article live, and ask for feedback in the talk page. Cheers, Ceweiblen (talk) 05:12, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nicofopolous/Hollywood_Kills
Created this article. It's my first attempt at writing an article and I was hoping for feedback -- formatting, content, whatever is applicable. Thanks, Nicopfopolous (talk) 04:16, 8 June 2009 (PST)
 * Please add references. bamse (talk) 23:42, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Added References to Hollwood Kills page. How does it look now? Thoughts/advice appreciated.18:15, 12 June 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Nicofopolous (talk • contribs)

Frontenac House Publishing[]

This is my first attempt at Wikipedia. Please review and tell me if I'm on the right track.

[[Media:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Frontenac_House]] —Preceding unsigned comment added by Frontenac House (talk • contribs) 00:21, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Hello, you seem to be in the wrong place. Please go to the reference desk for knowledge questions. Thanks, Finger  z  09:34, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

New Mercies Christian Church lilburn, GA - Senior Pastor Jesse Curney, III
I am requesting feedback on this page. It is up for speedy delete and I don't kow what I need to change to remove that criteria. --Marketingnmcc (talk) 20:54, 24 June 2009 (UTC)—User has been blocked indefinitely Finger  z  14:16, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

User:Bynaural/Crosstalk
I know it's lacking in a lot of information, but that is just the premise - currently. I still have to wait for a response on using a picture, etc. I still have, yet, to add the External Links and wanted to worry about that last. Thanks!--Bynaural (talk) 10:33, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Hello, your article still has a bit of a way to go before it is ready for the mainspace. First, you need to add sources to verify the information that you put in the article. Sources such as the journal's website can be used, but to establish notability, you are going to need secondary sources, sources independent of the journal, that show the journal is notable enough for inclusion. Hopes this helps, Finger  z  09:15, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Scamhag
A woman who posts information in a sexual or men wanted context in an attempt to lure men into subscribing to a dating or other service that alludes to an introduction of a woman who may be interested in the subscriber.
 * Please see Wikipedia's policy on neologisms. Note that Wikipedia is not for things made up one day. Unless you provide secondary sources showing the notability of the phrase, the article will have no chance of surviving in wikipedia. Regards, Finger  z  09:18, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Dominant white
Dominant white in horses is a group of related coat color/pattern conditions which are all part of an allelic series on a particular gene. I'd like to make this article more accessible to people who are not horse-people or genetics/molecular biology people. Countercanter (talk) 19:19, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Do you mean that you want to make the prose more understandable to others? I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. Finger z  12:00, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes. I'm not fussy, I'll take any thoughts. Countercanter (talk) 12:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm in the process of a copyedit right now, feel free to reverrt anything that I change if you like the previous version better. Finger z  12:26, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you kindly. Countercanter (talk) 13:18, 1 July 2009 (UTC) Further: As you (or anyone) read(s), I'd be so grateful if you'd keep track of when you go "Huh?". I think I can best address issues of clarity by answering questions. Countercanter (talk) 14:00, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I've finished my copyedit. Basically, the main thing that would help the regular reader would be to wikilink any scientific or horse terms that aren't common knowledge, and for the ones that don't have articles, try and give further information on the term in a following sentence, or use an appositive. I could get through the article pretty well, though I do have some background in genetics terms, which might have helped. I really enjoyed reading this article; it is informative yet not overly dry and boring. I left you some notes within the text; be sure and look at them to see if you can improve on the specific concerns I have. Overall, it's a great article, one that'll be ready for GA soon, I'd think. Regards, Finger  z  14:06, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much! I should take red links to mean that the term needs clarification, right? I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm especially worried about parts that might just be very dense or dry, since I can get a little wordy and flowery. I may be back with more questions later, if that's alright. Countercanter (talk) 15:38, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Murine Mammary Tumon Virus
The main reason for writing the article on Dr. John J. Bittner was to give credit to him for his contributions in cancer research, most notably for discovering the Bittner agent, or “Bittner Virus”, which is now known as the Murine Mammary Tumor Virus. Wikipedia has an article on this virus but credit is given to a Dr. Brian C. Bittner. There are no references to establish his credibility or research.

I want to challenge this article with the following material:

Time, June 9, 1941 explains John Bittner’s procedure in establishing the theory that mice may get cancer from a virus in their mother’s milk. www,time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171.795343,00.html

Time, March 18, 1946 is an article entitled “Cancer Virus” featuring scientists Dr. Robert G. Green and Dr. John J. Bittner. It states that “The virus has been named the "Bittner Virus," in recognition of his discovery of the milk factor.” www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,934488,00.html

Advances in Cancer Research by By George F. Vande Woude, Jesse Philip Greenstein, George Klein, Alexander Haddow, George Klein books.google.com/books In this book, page 66, it notes that “John J. Bittner drew the assignment to explore the nongenetic alternative, the milk factor. His research was so compelling that the agent eventually became widely known as the “Bittner Virus”.”

Oxford Dictionary of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology  By Richard Cammack, Anthony Donald Smith, Teresa K. Attwood, Peter Campbell books.google.com/books The dictionary lists “Bittner factor or Bittner particle former name for murine mammary tumour virus. (after John Joseph Bittner (1904-1961), US biologist)”

I believe these references should be enough for Wikipedia to correct their article on the Murine Mammary Tumor Virus and give Dr. John J. Bittner credit for his work and not some doctor who, ten years out of medical school, has a family medical practice in Virginia, according to a web search.

If he had lived Bittner would have shared the Nobel Prize in Physiology in 1966 because his research was the link between the two men recognized, Peyton Rous and Charles Huggins.

Hopefully, once corrected, this link will fulfill the "Orphan" status placed on this article.

Betsy Bittner Loague```` —Preceding unsigned comment added by Betsyloague (talk • contribs) 15:44, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Hello Betsy, the Orphan tag on the page is not because a lack of references, but because there are few pages that link to it. Find other articles related to him, and wikilink his name, then you can remove the orphan tag. It appears that the references you listed are already on the article, and they don't affect the article's orphan status. Finger z  01:26, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

John J Bittner
What I am trying to prove is that you have misinformation on your site regarding the Mouse Mammary Tumor Virus. If you would look at the references supplied, some of which are new and not on the site, you will realize the problem. Once this is corrected then there will be a site with a link on Wikipedia to John J. Bittner, for it is him, not Brian C. Bittner who discovered the Murine (Mouse on Wikipedia) Mammary Tumor Virus through his research during the 1930s. It is doubtful that Brian was even alive at that time. I will be happy to supply other references if needed to clarify this fact.

```` —Preceding unsigned comment added by Betsyloague (talk • contribs) 02:00, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Aaron.matt83/Nora_Lustig
Hi there,

I am attempting to create a wikipage for Nora Lustig. I did a user subpage first to see if I could get an expert to review my page.

I have cited everything with reputable sources.

What more do I need to do to push this page to the main entry as Nora Lustig?

Thanks so much!

-Matt Aaron (User:Aaron.matt83) Aaron.matt83 (talk) 16:30, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

RFF - Jake Edwards
I was asked by a senior editor to request a review of this page (regarding notability) before moving it public again. Please let me know if it's ok now. User:Tntdj/Jake Edwards (radio personality) Thanks --Tntdj (talk) 18:44, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Dragonlance novels dating
Is anyone planning to sort the novels in historical order? Or are they already? Dkphamilton (talk) 00:08, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

RFF User:Tntdj/"Bridging chipset"
I would like to go live with this page. Please let me know if it's ok User:Tntdj/"Bridging chipset".

Thanks --Tntdj (talk) 17:07, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Byzantine calendar
Hello, I am looking for feedback on the article Byzantine calendar. I have greatly expanded the article including detailed references and bibliography. Looking for overall feedback on it to improve it; would be appreciated; general and specific feedback would both be great. It is a historically based subject, and a Christian based subject, and I would like to ensure the article reads smoothly and is accessible to everyone. A fresh opinion and criticism would be helpful. Also, on the talk page it is listed as part of 4 wikiprojects, still with no ratings yet. Any idea how or where I go to request a review for each of those specific projects? Any links or pages I should be going to? Also, how do I get the article reviewed by a subject specialist on the Wikipedia Editorial board? Many thanks, :) ΙΣΧΣΝΙΚΑ-888 (talk) 03:04, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Bill Weihl (William E. Weihl)
Bill Weihl (William E. Weihl) is currently working on clean energy at Google. Before joining Google in early 2006, he was CTO at Akamai Technologies, where he led efforts to provide customers with more powerful computing capabilities on edge servers. He has also worked on distributed and parallel computing and on cpu architecture, first as a professor at MIT and then as a researcher at DEC's Systems Research Center (SRC).

Citation: High-efficiency power supplies for home computers and servers, Urs Hölzle, Bill Weihl, 2006, pp. 1-3. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Kajalsharma1234 (talk • contribs) 11:47, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Educational Assignment: History of the Family
I am not sure if the general talking points make sense. Any help would be appreciated Koliber (talk) 21:44, 9 July 2009 (UTC)


 * To which article are you referring to? Family history? It would be more helpful if you provided a wikilink. -- &oelig; &trade; 20:57, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

University of Valle
Greetings. I've substantially rewritten this article, and I would like that it would be checked in dept, specially in grammar, tone, and structure, before I submit it for a peer review or a good article review. Thanks for any help!!! -Andremun (talk) 16:55, 7 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Looking good - however, I've just noticed that the first reference links nowhere though. Apart from that - good job :) -- AdamD123 (talk) 03:05, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Helvetia (band)
I would appreciate feedback on this article. I currently have it posted and "under construction" -- and would like to avoid deletion. Jasper.rhodes (talk) 23:15, 14 July 2009 (UTC)Jasper.rhodes


 * Do not post the entire article here. Just the link to it is enough. Someone will review it shortly. -- &oelig; &trade; 23:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC)


 * As I noted in the talk page, there are arguments it passes wp:notability (music). Seems reasonably NPOV.  However, the wording "which is helmed by Duster-mate Clay Parton" should be made a bit more encyclopedic and bit less breathless and industry-jargony.  I would not delete the article. Petershank (talk) 20:06, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Grace welch
What can I do to make this article meet the A7 guidelines

Thanks edilworth 17:35, 16 July 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Edilworth (talk • contribs)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Buddyrowboat/Andy_Kaufman_Syndrome
I would just like to know if posted as an article, would this submission be accepted or rejected. -Buddyrowboat —Preceding unsigned comment added by Buddyrowboat (talk • contribs) 19:24, 16 July 2009 (UTC)


 * I think there's a problem with wp:notability. At Wikipedia, there are strong guidelines requiring all content submitted to have a certain degree of importance. While there are many articles which break these guidelines, they will be applied as much as possible. Basically, to be confident of having it stay when moving it to a main article, you will need to find a couple of sources that give a good discussion of the topic. Also, it looks like WP:original research and/or WP:Wikipedia is not for things made up one day. Please do not add it without discussing your sources first.Petershank (talk) 19:45, 16 July 2009 (UTC)


 * For future reference, another option you may want to try is submitting your new article to Articles for creation for review. -- &oelig; &trade; 20:08, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peace_X_Peace
Hello, good people.

I posted my first article, above, in May. When I went back to it, I saw five issues raised. I think I have dealt with two, I'm not sure the second or third apply, and even after studying references, I have no idea how to deal with the 4th.

The issues are:

1. It does not have a lead section. I added sections a month ago and just added a new section heading. Does that work? It's a short article, so I don't think it's necessary to have a long intro repeating what's below. And I don't think disambiguation is ncessary, since we are an org and the only 2 things even close (Peace by Piece and Piece by Piece) are an album and a book respectively. Both lack our distinctive X.

2. It needs to be Wikified. I have tried, but I can't figure out what this means.

3. The same is true for Cleanup. I know it's grammatical and the spelling is correct. What else is needed?

4. It lacks inline citations. I am not citing any of the articles listed below, though. I can delete them. Would that help?

The note also says it lacks section headings,but I have added those.

I will be grateful for any help that can be provided.

Mary Liston Liepold (Peacenut 1944) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Peacenut1944 (talk • contribs) 21:21, 17 July 2009 (UTC)


 * I added section headings and some wikilinks. Please be aware of certain issues: If you are close to the organization you maybe editing with a conflict of interest. It could be written from a more neutral point of view. -- &oelig; &trade; 20:11, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

I want to create this article and want some feedback before I post it
Jeff Stitely is an international award-winning jazz drummer and leader of The Stitely Orchestra. Aside from leading the Stitely Orchestra and running his business "Stitely Entertainment," Jeff is currently a Ravinia Jazz mentor teaching and performing for Chicago Public School students.


 * Biography

Early Life
Jeff started on a musical path at a young age by winning All State Competitions from ages 8 on. Jeff attended University of Illinois in Champagne to study classical percussion. Jeff has toured internationally with his own jazz quartet and with Chicago jazz icon Patricia Barber. Jeff and his Jazz Quartet recorded 3 CDs, the first of which was awarded "Top 10 Jazz CDS of the Year" by WBEZ & The Chicago Sun Times.

Since moving to Chicago in 1984, Jeff has performed with many great jazz, pop and classical musicians such as, Chick Corea, Wynton Marsalis, Randy Brecker, Eddie Harris, Larry Coryell, “Groove” Holmes, Kathleen Battle, Zoot Sims, Patricia Barber, Von Freeman, Bobby Shew, Bobby Lewis, Ed Peterson, Chicago Symphony’s “Gershwin-Bernstein Ensemble”, Grant Park Symphony, Sinfonieta and Fulcrumpoint.

Ventures
A transformational event in Jeff Stitely's career was when he got the opportunity to study and perform African drumming and dance with Ghanaian master drummer Gideon Foli Alorwoyie for five years. This venerable musical tradition is rooted in tribal rituals surrounding weddings, harvests and initiations. The music was performed to fill these celebrations with rapturous joy. It was in that same spirit that Jeff decided to start "Stitely Entertainment" in 1994, to bring Joy to celebrations.

"Stitely Entertainment" is a company located in Evanston, IL that manages four bands (The Stitely Orchestra, 312 Chicago, Chicago Groove Collective, and the Alan Gresik Swing Shift Orchestra) and provides work for over 80 musicians. "Stitely Entartainment" is owned and managed by jeff Stitely along with five employees and an internship program. "Stitely Entertainment" has been selected to The Knot "Best of Weddings" magazine for both 2008 and 2009.

Stitely Orchestra
The Stitely Orchestra is a 14-piece dance band led by Jeff Stitely. The band's diverse repertoire includes indie, contemporary, rock, R&B, funk, Motown, disco, Big Band, jazz, swing, ethnic, and other music. The Stitely Orchestra prforms throughout the U.S. Among the Venues it has performed at are the House of Blues, Navy Pier and Soldier Field. Some of Stitely Orchestra's past clients include the U.S. Olympic Committee, Australian Consulate, Northwestern University and such Fortune 500 companies as IBM, Kraft and Ford. The Stitely Orchestra performs at more than 140 events a year at every type of occasion ranging from weddings to corporate events.

Discography

 * 1) Chameleon Eyes (1993)
 * 2) All Things Equal (1996)
 * 3) Ennead (1996)

Awards & Accomplishments

 * Jeff was the Winner of the Best Soloist Award at the 9th International Jazz Competition of Belgium
 * "Top 10 Jazz CDS of the Year" by WBEZ & The Chicago Sun Times
 * Awarded two National Endowment for the Arts grants

Addition to "New Orleans" posting
Under "Media" heading, please add OffBeat Magazine, which has been a print publication and website that focuses on the New Orleans and Louisiana music scene since 1988. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Musicbroad (talk • contribs) 23:32, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_tense
Greetings. In response to an editor's request for a clean-up or rewrite of section 2 (English), I have rewritten it completely. This is my first attempt for wikipedia, and I would welcome all comments, suggestions, criticism etc, positive and negative. Thanks. Gramorak   oops, didn't even sign properly. try again gramorak (talk) 07:50, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

sorry am struggling in lay mans terms what was wrong wiht my article on Dr Peter McParlin?

thanks Paul how do you get back to me  is there a post box?

Paul —Preceding unsigned comment added by Paul-leeds (talk • contribs) 15:43, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

User:Bexica/Elmhurst Memorial Healthcare
My first attempt at an article. Thought there needed to be one for this topic. Would like any help or feedback.

Bexica (talk) 23:54, 19 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Looks like a typical stub. What it needs most importantly besides expansion is some assertion of notability preferably backed up by at least one secondary reliable source. -- &oelig; &trade; 00:36, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Article feedback please
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Phe8 Is this article the correct way to add information on a new book and author? Would appreciate any feedback and info on how to upload the article if it is appropriate. Thanks Phe8 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Phe8 (talk • contribs) 12:38, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Descendant of Eli Whitney (maybe)
My great grandfather was William Williams Whitney. He left the Eastern states (Elmyra (ALmyra??), New York) at the time of the San Francisco Gold Rush but became a mule-train master in Panama for some time, and arrived in San Francisco in 1852 0r '53. He became a member of the SF Vigilantes as a law enforcement officer. He signed up for the Union Army (the guys in blue, the "good guys") in 1861, and left the Army in 1863 in Santa Fe, New Mexico. He married a Native American from Taos Pueblo named Isobel, and moved in the mid 1870's to Oregon. All the above information is true, and my old Pa, William Allen Wright, owned photos, paperwork and artefacts to prove them true. My question is from the fact that my old Yank Pa could spin a good line of B. S. when the mood took him. Is it really possible that W W Whitney and therefore myself, are direct descendants of the inventor of Interchangeable Parts, the Cotton En(gin)e and the Mill ? I am (very RAREly) contactable at fdu9@yahoo.com because at age 60, I only rarely visit the InterWeb thing, only just discovered WikiPedia, am a serious technophobe and am lazy as a Koala in Off Mating season. Any help(s) are welcome. signed Doc Wright of Canberra, Australia —Preceding unsigned comment added by Doc Wright (talk • contribs) 12:13, 20 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Doc, if you're looking for help performing genealogical research on your family, then wikipedia is not the right place. Wikipedia volunteers are not here to perform research. Our goal is to take verifiable, notable, and reliable research done by others and record it in this encyclopedia. If you're trying to determine whether it's appropriate to create a wikipedia page about you or W. W. Whitney, then you could start by determining whether W.W. Whitney is a notable person.  Not every colorful character qualifies.  One of the important parameters is whether there are reliable secondary sources, such as newspapers, who have written about your great grandfather. Wikipedia is not the place for your original research.  If you found your way to this page, you have all the techno skills required; now it's just a matter of becoming a bit more familiar with how we operate.  Welcome, and have fun! Petershank (talk) 22:10, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Mehul Patel also known as Mehul Mike Patel
Mehul Patel also known as Mike Patel (born in Bombay, India, 1973), founder of KIPL.Net group companies is a Indian Serial Entrepreneur. He is Co-founder and on Board of various New Media firms Mozomo.mobi, IndyChai.com, KlubQ.com, D7TV.com, PinkElephant.in, maltaficionado.com, BombayCrunch.com

Mehul Patel has within a short span of time created a mark for himself as a New Media consultant of repute. A Masters in New Media from NYU, he has been instrumental in co-founding and managing several innovative enterprises in the New Media space (Web / Wireless) like IndyChai.com – India's first web 2.0 hyper aggregated portal, Mozomo.mobi – a designer mobile content / Mobile VAS firm has been a part of D7TV – a mobile TV start up based out of San Francisco California to name a few. With over a decade of expertise in the field, Mr. Patel's knowledge and skillsets is much sought after not only in India but overseas as well.

He is the Youngest Social and Environmental Activist from Bombay, India. His constant effort to create awareness about betterment of those living in Dharavi Slums and cleaning up of Mithi River is truly commendable.

He is one of the key figures for bringing several environmentalist and activists group leaders under hubs like Mithi RIver Activists.

His constant effort to create awareness about betterment of those living in Dharavi Slums and cleaning up of Mithi River is truly commendable.

He has supported and helped various initiatives for better active governance and Anti Corruption, Anti- terrorist activities under several platforms like YouthRise, JNM, JagrutNagrikManch, Let's Rebuild India. Mehul Patel divides his time between Singapore and Bombay, India. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Kajalsharma1234 (talk • contribs) 11:42, 12 July 2009 (UTC)


 * I don't think it's ready yet. I don't see any evidence or citations that he meets the requirements of notability.  Also, the tone is a bit promotional, and please remember that Wikipedia is not the place for resumes.  Good luck... Petershank (talk) 21:10, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Hmlauer/CenPho
Looking for feedback about this page that is about the term used to describe a neighborhood in Central Phoenix. I'd like to get it to the point that it is appropriate to be published as an article on Wikipedia. Thanks. Hmlauer (talk) 20:20, 12 July 2009 (UTC)hmlauer


 * I was skeptical about notability, merely on intuition, until I discovered WP:NLI which is still under development but seems to give a nod to the acceptability of local interest topics. Unless there's considerably more content to develop, I would think that merely defining the term by providing its boundaries would be more appropriately merged into sentence or two at Phoenix,_az or Downtown_Phoenix. Petershank (talk) 21:32, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

No answer for this word?
I looked this up and nothing came of it, is there a propper meaning for this word, pigeonholed? —Preceding unsigned comment added by 97.117.129.107 (talk) 20:05, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * You presumably had a link to the wiktionary entry, pigeonholed, at the top right of the search results, Special:Search/pigeonholed. Cenarium (talk) 21:22, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

I will work on my pages and make them with more information and beautifull please do not delete them
you are one of the best encyclopedias on the media. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Ureddy (talk • contribs) 22:59, 22 July 2009 (UTC)