Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/Archive 15

askwomen
the page keeps getting blocked and ready for deletion ? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Leroysushi (talk • contribs) 01:52, 17 September 2009
 * Please do not use in pages other than your user talk page. The page Askwomen has been deleted on grounds of A1 and A3. Though I, as a non-administrator, cannot see the page, my knowledge of WP:CSD tells me that it was because the article was either so short as not to provide any context whatsoever (i.e., he is nice. he drives a fast car), or composed of rubbish text (i.e., adkfha;lkghsfkghskjh). All articles need to comply with article guidelines. See WP:FIRST for more details.  Intelligent  sium  02:15, 18 September 2009 (UTC)
 * You seem to be a bit confused about what Wikipedia is, and equally important, what Wikipedia is not. The page you created did not really resemble an encyclopedic article. I recommend checking out some of the links posted by Intelligentsium above. Regards, decltype (talk) 01:22, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Coproduction of public services by service users and communities
This page reflects a major new movement in public policy, which has already been widely written up in the academic literature. It is intended to signpost Wikipedia readers to the growing literature on the subject. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Tony Bovaird (talk • contribs)
 * While you have a lot of references, you haven't cited a single one of them. Please take a look at WP:LAYOUT and in particular, the Notes and References section, which directs you to WP:CITE-- SPhilbrick  T  17:50, 19 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Blatant fork. Coproduction (social science) is currently lacking any external links so there is plenty of scope for Tony to create links there. &mdash; RHaworth 22:15, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Please Review
Please review HARTFORD MOTORCYCLES TAIWAN for cleanup.

Thanks!
 * Where? Or if you don't know how to do that, tell me who you are and I'll find it.-- SPhilbrick  T  19:04, 19 September 2009 (UTC)


 * This question was posted by 04:51, 19 September 2009, and presumably concerns the article Hartford Motorcycles Taiwan, which was deleted because it was considered unambiguous advertising.


 * Atreyue, I cannot 'see' the deleted article, but I suggest that you read the business FAQ; Wikipedia is not a place to post advertisements.  Chzz  ►  00:40, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Sol B River
I have written an entry for the writer Sol B River, if anyone would be kind enough to feedback ... I can be contacted on < >


 * Please take a look at WP:LAYOUT and in particular, the Notes and References section, which directs you to WP:CITE. Please sign talk pages (but not article pages) by typing four tildes ~ at the end.-- SPhilbrick  T  19:16, 19 September 2009 (UTC)


 * I've edited the article quite a lot, changing the inappropriate external links to Wikilinks and references as appropriate; I've tagged the article regarding further areas of concern.  Chzz  ►  01:52, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Satya Portal Pack
Please review the article Satya Portal Pack and give your feedback.
 * I see that you are trying to add references—see WP:CITE for help. However, as noted on the page, it reads like an advertisement, and doesn't assert notability. Those templates on the page have links to guidelines, which should help explain the problems. Sorry I can't give you more specific suggestions, but I think it requires a fundamental rewrite, not just minor tweaks.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:23, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

hamburgerz
please review this article
 * Sorry, looks like it will go away per speedy delete. There are templates on the page pointing out some of the problems. For example, there's nothing on the page to explain why this company is notable.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:26, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Morris Katz
This is the first page I've created. I think I overused the inline citations. Is there a way to simply say "ibid." or something like that? (I just cut and pasted formats from other pages.)

Please, if you know about artist Morris Katz (King of Toilet Paper Art, fastest painter in the world, etc.), add to this page. Dcs002 (talk) 09:22, 20 September 2009 (UTC)
 * WP:CITE will explain citation style; I fixed seven of the refs, so you can see how to do it.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:11, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

please review the article
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickola_Vorokhta


 * I fixed the references problem, although the references are still not in the preferred style. See wp:cite for examples. More importantly, you need to assert Notability. If you can do that, then WP:Layout will help you structure the article.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:32, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Requests for clean up and edits
For those of you familiar with these programs we invite edits and comments to improve and provide depth.
 * Sorry, it looks like Systemic and Integrative Approaches to Addiction and Co Occuring Disorders Treatment will be deleted shortly for reasons explained on the article.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:34, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Laura Jansen
Could someone look over my new page?

For Singer/Songwriter Laura Jansen Thanks!

Brookifyd (talk) 02:11, 21 September 2009 (UTC)brookifyd
 * It looks good. I think it just use 1 or 2 more reliable sources, if possible. Right now you're referencing Myspace, which isn't too reliable (the person could say whatever they want to say). Newspaper or magazine articles (online or offline) would be great to add as references at this point. Killiondude (talk) 03:10, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Irene Radford
Simple article on author, Irene Radford. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Radconbob (talk • contribs)
 * Needs reliable sources showing notability. Rd232 talk 14:34, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Review my article
please review my article about this school. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 1anonymous (talk • contribs)
 * The British Academy of Port of Spain speedy deleted as A7 and G11. Rd232 talk 14:12, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Sam Pate
This is my first article for wikipedia. Please let me know if there are any changes I should make. —Preceding unsigned comment added by RosalynCostanzo (talk • contribs)
 * The parts which weren't copy-pasted from here were unsourced and not very encyclopedic. Also there don't appear to be reliable sources showing Pate is notable (the obituary seems to be a paid insert, not content provided by the newspaper). Rd232 talk 14:23, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

ARUNIM_-_Association_for_Rehabilitation_Under_National_Trust_Initiative_of_Marketing
Request review of the article about a significant new co-operative movement in India initiated by the Government, to empower persons with disabilities. A similar co-operative movement in the sevnties led to the empowerment of fragmented dairy owners and a massive organization of the milk and dairy products market in India under the name of Amul
 * You say it's significant but there are no reliable sources to show that. It's parent body, the National Trust of India, doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry; I'd suggest starting there. Rd232 talk 14:27, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

LocateMeGhana.com
Please help, i want my page to go up. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Locateme (talk • contribs)
 * LocateMeGhana.com nominated for speedy deletion G11. Rd232 talk 14:30, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

KEYWORD ANALYSIS
Keyword analysis has been redirected to Search engine optimization methods. Rd232 talk 14:29, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Hello Time Bomb
Hey there, could someone assess "Hello Time Bomb"; the page I created? Thanks :) --Addihockey (t/c 21:07, 20 September 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) I think you could summarize the paragraph on how Good composed the song. Too much detail of this type can make a page look like a fansite.
 * 2) You need to back up some of the claims, specifically the bit about being a signature song, can you reference that in a review or something? Link to where you got the chart info., Juno award info. and compilation album info.
 * 3) Try to find a different name for the Trivia section. What you're really doing establishing notability here and without notability you won't have an article, so it's not really trivial. How about calling it "Awards and recognition" or something similar. What's going to make or break an article like this is notability so try to find more material like this.
 * Overall it looks like a good start.--RDBury (talk) 19:20, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Dudley Guice Jr.
Please review this new article about Dudley Guice Jr.. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Rdstephens (talk • contribs)
 * Pretty good start. You had one claim about impressing scouts that I didn't think was supported by the reference—I changed it to a claim that can be supported.


 * The sections are quite thin - one or two sentences each, but nice organization, nice referencing, and nice infobox.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:57, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Jay Armstrong Johnson
please review


 * I confess to not knowledgeable enough on theatre to know whether he is notable. However, it is import to assert notability, and it should be asserted in the opening section. Whether the items mentioned in the theatre section are sufficient to qualify is for others to judge, but the notability assertion needs to be up front.


 * It is generally well-structured,especially for what I assume is a new editor, but thin on content.


 * The infobox has a link to an image that doesn't exist. Is there an image but the name is wrong? Is this a placeholder for an image you plan to upload?
 * Some of the claims (e.g. in Chorus Line, in Hair) need to be referenced. You've provided a list of references at the end, but the claims need to be "tied" tot he respective references. Take a look at WP:CITE for guidance, and WP:LDR for a new, and possibly easier way to do citations.
 * "Johnson is pursuing current film endeavors currently." Encyclopedias do not generally talk about future plans (with some exceptions, for example, the Olympics in 2012 are pretty much a certainly.)
 * "His talent was realized at a young age while performing at local theaters and church" this tone isn't encyclopedic.


 * Sorry if this comes across as negative, but if you can establish notability, the rest is details, which mean you'll be better off than 90% of new articles.-- SPhilbrick  T  23:30, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

All-Party Parliamentary Group for the Prevention of Genocide and Other Crimes Against Humanity
Hello,

I need feedback on the article for the All-Party Parliamentary Group for the Prevention of Genocide and Other Crimes Against Humanity

wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All-Party_Parliamentary_Group_for_the_Prevention_of_Genocide_and_Other_Crimes_Against_Humanity

Thank you,

Mallory Mroz Prev-gen (talk) 16:14, 21 September 2009 (UTC)September 21, 2009


 * This first thing I saw was that you still need evidence of notability. The links you have all point to the organization's website and you should have independent sources listed as well. It looks like the specific guideline you should look at is WP:ORG. Ideally, find an article in The Globe and Mail or another national media outlet that describes the organization. (Doen't have to English so Le Monde would work also.) Two articles are better than one and the wider the audience the better. If the article has just a brief mention then you should try to find something better.


 * The second issue is that you need to establish context in the lead paragraph. I had to read all the way to paragraph three in order to to find out that it's a Canadian organization. Keep in mind also that this article may be read by someone who is unfamiliar with the Canadian system of government.


 * Third, you should add categories to your article, The easiest way to do that is to find an existing article about a similar subject, copy the category tags at the bottom and paste them into your article, making the appropriate changes.


 * Fourth, a big feature of Wikipedia is that it's web based so you can link to an from other articles. Not having these links will probably be noticed. Update the articles that might have the links to the organization, such that the MP's who are in it. It looks like Paul Dewar already has one so you can copy and paste from that article into the other ones. You should go into the article itself and look for proper nouns that might be turned into links.


 * Finally, I don't think there needs to be a paragraph to convince people that genocide is bad. It's off topic for the article and is technically POV. Not that anyone is going to disagree but I think you can assume that people reading the article already know genocide is bad and so you don't need to tell them.


 * Overall it looks like a worthy subject for an article and a good start.--RDBury (talk) 18:39, 21 September 2009 (UTC)


 * PS. A couple of formatting issues. 1) You don't need to repeat the article name as a section header. The leader section usually will not have a section header. 2) You have the name of the article in the lead sentence, that's good but it's the custom to put in bold face.--RDBury (talk) 19:47, 21 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I addressed the format issues suggested by RDBury.


 * I made a few other changes, but did them in a way they can be reverted if you don't like them.


 * I changed the reference style to a better option.


 * Consider adding references to outside sources to show that this is being discussed elsewhere-- SPhilbrick  T  00:40, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Be At TV
Be At TV

thanks in advance! Ali.gunning (talk) 21:50, 21 September 2009 (UTC)
 * This article definitely has potential. There are a few issues though. I've gone through and fixed most of the major ones, such as external links in place of references, and I have removed your signature from the article. At Wikipedia, no one owns articles, and besides, it does not make too much sense to the casual reader when s/he sees something like: Example (talk), 29 July 2024 (UTC) in the middle of an article. Remember that not everyone is familiar with the inner workings of Wikipedia. I do not feel I can formally review this article, though, as I am not a regular here and I am only here due to a request at the helpdesk.  Intelligent  sium  00:11, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Birrguu Matya (Australian Aboriginal Bush Game)
Would like a review and any feedback on this article - It is my first.

Birrguu Matya (Australian Aboriginal Bush Game) []

(Davidtrounce (talk) 07:02, 22 September 2009 (UTC))


 * You have no sources whatsover for the game itself. (And the National Trust source backing up something about the Wiradjuri territory just goes to the front page of their website - you need a lot more specific.) And really, does this one thing merit an article when Wiradjuri has so little in it? It could be a paragraph there, at least for now - if you find appropriate sources. Rd232 talk 13:30, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

University Church, Freiburg
The article is University Church, Freiburg. Could someone official have a look at this newly created, therefore underdeveloped article, and give it the initial 'thumbs up'? Welshentag (talk) 15:14, 22 September 2009 (UTC), 22/09/2009.
 * Nice start. You might check WP:Layout, I think the first image should be on the right, not the left. That guideline is here.
 * I looked to see what the guidelines were for Notability of churches or buildings in general, but I didn't see specific advice. You may need to beef up the notability claim, but I don't have a specific suggestion.
 * Some evidence of discussion of the church in Reliable Sources would be helpful.-- SPhilbrick  T  16:26, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Bait & Tackle Ad Company
New article name is Bait & Tackle Ad Company.

Bait & Tackle Ad Company is a hybrid production company and ad agency (1) based in Gloucester, Massachusetts.

In 2004, after moving from Hollywood where he created visual effects for "Godzilla," "Dr. Dolittle" and the "Matrix" trilogy (2), Carlberg founded the agency.

Current and former clients include Newbury Comics, the Lyon-Waugh Auto Group, Hampton Ford, BBN Technologies, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, National Lumber and Kitchen Views (2).

He describes it as an agency that goes “to bat for people who wouldn't otherwise have good creative and thoughtful agency work. (2)"

In 2009, Bait & Tackle launched Production Blue, a sister company that focuses on high-end/documentary production.

Narayanacharya
Narayanacharya

Bssunil74 (talk) 17:38, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Mikita Brottman
I'd like you to review my Wikipedia entry on the cultural critic Mikita Brottman Many thanks, DeniseFranklin (talk) 03:53, 23 September 2009 (UTC)Denise Franklin, September 23, 2009.


 * I think it's a great start for your very first article DeniseFranklin! I cleaned it up a little for you so that it conforms with some manual of style guidelines. The only thing I can suggest is maybe some better references from reliable third-party sources, this being a WP:BLP and all. -- &oelig; &trade; 04:46, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

George Brumder
I just wrote my first Wikipedia entry on George Brumder (my great-great-grandfather and a very influential German-American U.S. citizen) and would love someone to review it. George R. Brumder (talk) 05:20, 23 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Nice start. Please check out WP:LAYOUT. You have everything in a single section, it would be better to have a clear Layout, then a section break where appropriate.


 * Looks like you've started a decent job with references; just glancing through I'm sure we'll want a reference showing he owned the Red Sox. Should be easy to find.


 * Notability is often an issue—it looks like that will be easy to establish, but note we desire the notability to be in the lead.-- SPhilbrick  T  21:01, 23 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Please also check out WP:COI. I don't think it should be a major problem, given the "distance", but be aware that if there are disagreements over content, you should make your points on the talk page and let disinterested editors make the call.-- SPhilbrick  T  21:04, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

feedback on user page and suggestions to move to normal article space. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Technexion
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Technexion

move to : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technexion

I created this page since there is a list of documentated computer manufacturers already present on wikipedia but TechNexion is missing.

I took a look at similar companies and created a page that is in the same line and direction as that. (gumstix, asus, gigabyte, quanta, to name a few).

Please advise how to go ahead.

Thank you.
 * Looks like we were too late. If you think it can be salvaged, you can ask User:Orangemike to usify the page for you. Please take a look at WP:OTHERSTUFF. Even if there are other articles just like yours, if true, those articles may get deleted when someone checks them out, or maybe there's a difference that is important. I didn't see your article, so I'm only commenting generally.-- SPhilbrick  T  21:34, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Carmen Reinhart
Carmen Reinhart http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmen_Reinhart I'd like to know if this article meets the requirements because yesterday my page was deleted. And if it doesn't, please let me know how I can improve it. Thanks a lot.

Littlegirl1225 (talk) 14:46, 23 September 2009 (UTC)Rong (littlegirl1225) 9/24/09
 * At first glance, it looks like it has promise. You said it was deleted, did it look just like this? If so what was the reason? Note there is a possible problem with the picture (click on it to see). More later.-- SPhilbrick  T  21:38, 23 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Embedded citations are "not particularly recommended". I'll see if I can fix the examples.-- SPhilbrick  T  22:09, 23 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Fixed the embedded cites.
 * This sentence begs for references:
 * She has written and published on a variety of topics in macroeconomics and international finance including: international capital flows, capital controls, inflation and commodity prices, banking and sovereign debt crises, currency crashes, and contagion.


 * This sentence begs for deletion:
 * Winston R. (a basset hound) is part of the Reinhart family-- SPhilbrick  T  22:23, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

ETEDA
East Tennessee Economic Development Agency (ETEDA) is a regional marketing and business recruitment organization that provides site location information and assistance. ETEDA helps facilitate the site selection process with its co-located partners, The State of Tennessee Department of Economic and Community Development and the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA). The three organizations work together as one business recruitment team, which provides a single point of contact for the 15-county Knoxville-Oak Ridge Region of East Tennessee.

www.eteda.org
 * This isn't a place to write an article, it is a place to ask for feedback on an article written elsewhere-- SPhilbrick  T  23:15, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Multidisciplinary science
Multidisciplinary science This is the first article I've written, and I'm afraid it's not particularly good and would greatly benefit from some input from others! Science2010 (talk) 16:15, 23 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Someone's already made some comments. It either needs major expansion, which sounds onerous to me, or shorten it and move to Wiktionary here.-- SPhilbrick  T  23:12, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Mads Tolling
Greetings!

I am new to Wikipedia and just created my first post yesterday on violinist Mads Tolling. I would appreciate it if you would take the time to review said posting, then remove the "this is a new, unreviewed article."

I own a music public relations firm in the San Francisco Bay Area, and I plan to create more posts about local artists who meet the requirements for wiki postings as noteworthy musicians.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Best,

Musicpr (talk) 18:09, 23 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Someone beat me to it and removed the template, but it still needs work. You done a decent job finding a lot of links, but it needs more.
 * Awards should be referenced.
 * The reference style could be improved, see WP:Citations
 * -- SPhilbrick  T  23:07, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Core Measures
Hello,

I am new to writing articles. I saved one as one to be edited I think. Anyway, I could use the feedback. I had included the article in this text initially, because I hadn't seen what other people were doing. It's titled Core Measures and was written today.

Thanks for your help!

Angelaca (talk) 19:13, 23 September 2009 (UTC)Angela Calery 9/23/09

Hip hop dance
I posted this article for peer review here and sent out some invitations to specific users to try and generate feedback but no one has commented so far. Since it's been almost a week, I thought I would request feedback here. Just so you're aware, this is a long article (77KB) but it was necessary to bring it to this level in order to present the history of the dance and to meet Featured article criteria of being well-researched and comprehensive. It wasn't developed enough before and at times presented some misleading information so I feel the length is justified. I would appreciate any comments. // Gbern3 (talk) 17:49, 16 September 2009 (UTC)
 * After your peer review (if you ever get one - the backlog there is very long) you might consider a Good Article Nomination before you go for Featured Article. cmadler (talk) 19:22, 16 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the advice. // Gbern3 (talk) 17:30, 17 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I would just list it at WP:GAN immediately if I were you. It's not unusual for articles to go unreviewed there for over a month. Regards, decltype (talk) 01:13, 20 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I actually ended up getting one from user:Finetooth. Not sure if they saw the request posted here or on the Arts peer review page but they were nice enough to read my big long article and respond. I'm going list it at WP:GAN now. Thanks for the advice. // Gbern3 (talk) 17:34, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

I need feedback about this article's references. I have two peer reviews now and both Finetooth and Piano found fault with my sources. I'm at a loss as to why. I have 108 inline citations and they're all formatted correctly. I think their issue is how the sources are used but I'm not even sure about that. Please read the peer review page here. Feel free to comment and clarify. I would appreciate it. // Gbern3 (talk) 22:19, 24 September 2009 (UTC)

Hans Ball
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Ball

ball
 * Has been deleted, so no feedback possible-- SPhilbrick  T  14:20, 25 September 2009 (UTC)

CHEMWOROR
KOBIL DIVISION: It is the new created division in the new marakwet east district.It has a total population of 6000 people.The people in this region speak "marakweta' language.Many persons in this place are educated compared to the other divisions.The infrastructure is good and the road has been tamarked. Kobil division has many schools like;Chemworor primary school,Chorwo Academy and Chemworor high school.The facilities in this area have been improving radically for example;the presence of a dispensary,installation of electricity,piped water and developed centres like Top centre-Chemworor,kachelayar,kokworemit,chorwo and many others

This isn't a place to write an article, it is a place to ask for feedback on an article written elsewhere-- SPhilbrick  T  14:27, 25 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Ussee/Tania Doko
User:Ussee/Tania Doko

Dear Editor:

Please review this page and then inform me as to how to take this page from sandbox to be included to the actual Wikipedia website.

I have included missing references and made the page non-biased.

I was directed by another editor to include this article for your review before posting.

Here is the link to my sandbox page and the article.(Sorry, I do not understand the instructions on linking from sandbox to you.)

User:Ussee/Tania Doko

I am in hopes all is correct and that you can either place the article where it goes in Wikipedia or please give me (novice) brief instructions on how to place the article on Wikipedia myself.

Sincerely, --Ussee (talk) 22:50, 25 September 2009 (UTC)
 * One of the key issues for artists is establing notability. The guidelines are here. Note that it is not enough to view the guidelines and agree that she meets the guideline, it must be affirmatively expressed in the lead paragraph.
 * Other than that, looks like a decent start. I'd prefer a more formal citation style, but that's a suggestion, I don't believe it is a requirement.-- SPhilbrick  T  14:29, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * When you think it is ready, you can use the "move" tab to move it to mainspace. If you look for that tab now, you won't see it, but after you make three more edits, it will appear. -- SPhilbrick  T  14:31, 26 September 2009 (UTC)

Writing an article
I need help writing an article. Wondering if someone can help me?
 * It's my own personal opinion that starting out by writing an article is not the best course of action. Articles written by editors with no other editing experience get deleted in most cases. This would be discouraging. A better approach is to identify some articles in a subject area you know, and make some improvements to those articles. That will help you get a feel for the place, and get you better ready to write an acceptable article.
 * If you don't like that advise, and want to try anyway, include the general idea of your article in a user subpage, where it is less likely to get removed quickly, then visit a project page appropriate for the subject matter, and let them know about your idea on the project talk page. Someone there may be willing to lend a hand to help you improve your start.
 * You can use Article wizard 2.0 to create your starting page, just make sure to select the option near the end to put it in a user subpage.
 * If you don't know how to find the relevant project page, let me know. If I didn't answer your question, please try again.-- SPhilbrick  T  14:19, 26 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Yes, use Article_wizard_2.0. It is a great tool for first-time article writers. JoeSmack Talk 15:05, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Fourth Thai-Lao Friendship Bridge
Fourth Thai-Lao Friendship Bridge

Akkamaru (talk) 07:03, 26 September 2009 (UTC)


 * You need to use inline references, a picture would be nice if you could find it, and throw in the coordinates. See Second_Thai–Lao_Friendship_Bridge for a great example on how you could improve your own article. JoeSmack Talk 15:03, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

CCE Magazine
Hi Wikipedia!

I've just posted an entry of a new magazine that I have developed for a client. As this is the first article I've posted, I don't want to make too much of a mess, but in the same respect, I would also like to become more active in Wikipedia and assist where possible with generating new articles as well as updating existing ones.

I've started CCE Magazine article, but I want to make sure that I've followed all the right protocols. As I'm the founding editor of the magazine, this article is being created from the "horse's mouth", and I'm happy to keep it as factually accurate, without overendorsing the brand.

The magazine is now had it's 2nd edition published, and at 10,000 copies per edition, I feel that it deserves a Wiki entry.

If someone is happy to assist in setting up of this entry, I'm happy to also put in as much time to make sure that the entry is updated and as accurate as possible.

Kind Regards

Jomar Reyes
 * I'm not finding any evidence of your contribution.


 * However, you should read WP:COI, in particular Conflict_of_interest, because articles on behalf of a client are discouraged. Should one be written, you still have a conflict of interest, but access to good information, so discussing improvements on the talk page (with full disclosure) is encouraged.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:56, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Wertheim & Co.
Wertheim & Co. Stanleywmorten (talk) 22:53, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
 * You have an impressive list of items in your first draft, but it is structured as a timeline, not an encyclopedic article. See WP:LAYOUT for guidance regarding how an article should look. See Paine Webber for an example of a similar company (but note that even that article needs improvement).-- SPhilbrick  T  13:48, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Rose Iverley
User:Darkreliant/Rose iverley

I need feedback on a page about a book I have recently just written. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.
 * Unfortunately, Wikipedia does not encourage articles about events that have not yet occurred. See WP:NOTCRYSTAL It is clearly not a blanket prohibition, as articles about upcoming elections and Olympics are allowed. I don't know whether there is an established practice relating to not-yet-written books, except that I assume you need evidence of notability in reliable sources. So, for example, an upcoming Harry Potter book might have substantial discussion and qualify. I urge you to look for such examples; if you cannot find many, it may be premature for your article.--  SPhilbrick  T  13:23, 28 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I just noticed that you are the author. Sorry to be the bearer of discouraging news, but WP:COI means it is virtually impossible to accept an article written by you. If someone else writes an article about the book, we encourage you to contribute via the Talk page of that article, but direct edits are not encouraged.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:26, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

she_(band)
she_(band) Bynight (talk) 01:05, 28 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Evidence of notability is required, and should be in the lead paragraph. See specifically WP:BAND for the criteria for musicians.


 * Assuming you can satisfy the criteria, I'm not sure why you wikilinked some of the release names to unrelated Wikipedia articles. For example, is the release "Coloris" related to the computer game?-- SPhilbrick  T  13:35, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Megaregions
Feedback requested for userspace draft at User:IrvingPlNYC/megaregions.


 * This is either WP:OR or needs major work with Citations. If this response is too cryptic, let me know and I'll expand.-- SPhilbrick  T  17:40, 19 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I've redirected it to Megalopolis (city type). If you have any additional information, add it to that article rather than reinventing the wheel. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  17:03, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Larry D. Thomas
This is a new article on 2008 Texas Poet Laureate Larry D. Thomas. StevenSchroeder (talk) 16:45, 20 September 2009 (UTC)
 * All correctly referenced, categorized etc and notability established. I have removed the review tag and saw no need to add any others. I42 (talk) 16:52, 20 September 2009 (UTC)


 * I cleaned it up a little more, added some Wikilinks, cats, DEFAULTSORT, and WPBio to talk page. – ukexpat (talk) 18:32, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Alice Halstead
New article to reference BBC Radio 2 Young Chorister of the Year 2008. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Awhalstead (talk • contribs)
 * Sorry, I don't see it anywhere.-- SPhilbrick  T  23:30, 23 September 2009 (UTC)


 * I clean it up a little and added some maintenance tags. In particular it needs more sourcing to support notability, ie sources that discuss her as a performer, not merely stating that she performed this here and that there. Also added some cats, and WPBio to talk page. Also your user name indicates that you may be Ms Halstead or related to her. Please read WP:COI and WP:AUTO - users are strongly discouraged from editing articles where they have a conflict of interest with the subject matter. – ukexpat (talk) 18:35, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Pitsford Home Guard
Would someone be kind enough to have a look at this page pse?

We have created it to mirror the growing activities of a living history unit in Northamptonshire which is run by us.

it follows on from links in the Home Guard article.

pse be patient!

This is our first listing!

Yours aye —Preceding unsigned comment added by Scrimnet (talk • contribs)


 * At first glance it looks like you need a lot more to establish notability. See WP:ORG for specific guidelines.--RDBury (talk) 18:57, 21 September 2009 (UTC)


 * I am afraid I have nominated it for speedy deletion pursuant to WP:CSD as not indicating importance or significance of the subject. – ukexpat (talk) 18:46, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

RAM superchargers
Hello, I recently created my first wiki article, Ram supercharger, and have been/will be gradually trying to improve it. Any feedback would be very useful. Thanks --RPinney331 (talk) 11:31, 21 September 2009 (CST)


 * Supply the history of the technology. What is the impact it has had on the industry? You need more reliable sources. Pictures? Hope that helps. JoeSmack Talk 16:26, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Partnership for AiR Transportation Noise and Emissions Reduction
Partnership for AiR Transportation Noise and Emissions Reduction Wlitant (talk) 19:14, 21 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Whoa buddy! This is a link farm! Try looking at an existing article of a similar subject to see an example of how to write a wikipedia article neutrally without so much external linking. JoeSmack Talk 19:53, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Deepak Singh
Deepak Singh Deepak Singh


 * You need to use Notability_(people) quite closely in order to establish notability. Your article also reads like a promotion, see WP:NPOV on how to make it more neutral. Finally, go to Manual of style to see how you can make the format of the article more clean and establish wikilinks (like Link title ). Good luck and welcome to wikipedia! JoeSmack Talk 16:20, 28 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Also, the starter of that article has a user name surprising close to 'Deepak Singh'...read Conflict of interest to see why if you are him, you can't write your own article. JoeSmack Talk 16:23, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

O'Connell &Goldberg Creative Public Relations
I uploaded O'Connell &Goldberg Creative Public Relations and somehow ended up with a sandbox on top of the article. This is my first article and I am not sure what I did and how to make it sound less like an advertisement.(Kdennis1 (talk) 20:30, 23 September 2009 (UTC))


 * Hi hi. You can recover your old work by going to this link . Just copy your old work from there. BUT, there is some changes you need to make first. First off on a basic formatting note, you need to cite your references a bit differently. See Footnotes for more on that. That was just something I noticed straight off the back.
 * Now, next, to notability. Your article got deleted because it mostly just stated the company exists. It has staff, it has services, it has its own way of doing that. Sure. But why is that notable? It has notable clients, but I'm not notable because I've worked with Macy's before. Notability_(organizations_and_companies) has much more, but you need to espouse other things. And balanced things. Put in a 'criticisms' section. See WP:NPOV for one of our mainstays, neutrality. Speaking of which, and this happens with PR companies, if you're writing for your company you can't write its article because it is a conflict of interest, see WP:COI for that. Hope this has helped. JoeSmack Talk 15:44, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Hot deployment
Hot deployment - []

Sfbayman5 (talk) 06:05, 24 September 2009 (UTC)sfbayman5, 09/24/2009
 * I struggling with a way to respond positively to your draft of an article. I have a vague understanding of hot deployment, but this didn't really explain the concept. Is your goal to write about hot deployment in general, or the specific implementation in JBoss? If the latter, you probably should take a look at JBoss application server or some other JBoss article and see if you could add a relevant section.


 * If you are writing about the concept in general, perhaps it deserves to be a section in RAID or some other article (I'm out of my depth here).


 * Whichever course makes more sense, you need more Reference from Reliable Sources, plus an improved WP:Layout.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:17, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

The Wall Street Transcript
The Wall Street Transcript

Hello,

I just wrote and published an article on The Wall Street Transcript, a financial publication that has been publishing for almost 40 years in New York City.

Please advise.

Thanks ahead of time!

TWST48 (talk) 21:07, 24 September 2009 (UTC)


 * First off, welcome to Wikipedia! I can see you used Article_wizard_2.0, which is always nice to see. Nice use of wikilinks, nice use of sources. Ok, I would say first and foremost you should add some sections to the layout, like having a 'history' section, 'industry impact' perhaps, 'criticism' or 'controversy', etc. See Layout for more on that. Secondly, great great work getting inline references! You can do even more to them though. Footnotes for a broad page on the topic, but for your article Cite_web especially is something you'll want to peak at. After you implement that the references list will look beautiful and it'll be much more informative.
 * Finally, a couple of other things. First off, the tone of the article needs to be a bit more neutral. NPOV will detail it better than I, but one sentence I noticed was "According to _Company/Publication_, this this this and that". You can just toss the first part and reference the sentence with the company/publication without injecting it's name into the wording of the sentence. Also in that sentence, Wikipedia generally doesn't do a straight up website link in the main article, usually only in the 'External Links' end section (otherwise it feels spamy). See Links for more on that.
 * Ok, I know that was a lot, but you're definitely on your way to becoming a great Wikipedian! Thanks for your contribution, and you can ask any other questions here or on my talk page for more help. JoeSmack Talk 15:26, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Hal M. Becker
[Hal M. Becker]

Janneyw (talk) 15:48, 28 September 2009 (UTC)JanneyWJanneyw (talk) 15:48, 28 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Hi there! Welcome to Wikipedia! I can see you put this on your user space before publishing it to Hal M. Becker, good move, cause it needs some work! First of all, it reads a lot like an advertisement. You need to change the tone of the article to be more neutral, see WP:NPOV for more on that. Secondly, it needs to meet notability in order to be kept as an article, and what I can see now that is going to be the main challenge. Soak in Notability_(people) and hit every of those criteria to help keep that article. Lastly, you need to make some formatting changes - no italics in the lead of the piece, no bold like you have in the body, you need to link to other wikipedia articles using Link title . Good luck, and let me or this page know if you need more advice! JoeSmack Talk 16:06, 28 September 2009 (UTC)


 * A couple of extra notes in addition to JoeSmack's excellent advice above. Firstly, parts of the article seem to lifted almost word-for-word from the Hal Becker biography page here; this is likely to be a copyright violation, which is not allowed in Wikipedia articles - see Copyright violations. Secondly, if you decide to re-write the article into a more neutral tone, read Avoid peacock terms first; this explains why descriptions like "best-selling", "dynamic" and "entertaining" are usually best avoided in Wikipedia articles. Gandalf61 (talk) 16:25, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ArchitectsAlliance
please review this new article —Preceding unsigned comment added by Xrdeem (talk • contribs) 08:51, 23 September 2009


 * I took a quick look (and edit :P) at architectsAlliance and I like it. At first I was worried that the firm would not be notable (the concept is covered here) but there are plenty of third party news sources in existence. For improvement:
 * Ideally an article should be based on third-party reliable sources rather than the official website
 * Probably one official external link is better than three
 * The image in the infobox needs a caption
 * I can help dig up newspaper articles that are not online using a subscription to Factiva. Just ask on my talk page.--Commander Keane (talk) 08:52, 29 September 2009 (UTC)

The Middle East (band)
The Middle East (band)

The Middle East (band)

(121.79.48.44 (talk) 12:07, 29 September 2009 (UTC))

UCore
UCore is a U.S. Department of Defense / Justice / Homeland Security intelligence content sharing initiative. It is a significant XML schema standard that may gain even more traction in coming years. This links to my subpage draft. (Sorry, I couldn't figure out the wikilink to my subpage draft without using the full URL).

- Mark Underwood (knowlengr) 17:34, 28 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Like this! User:Knowlengr/UCore
 * Wow, that is a great start for that article, bravo. It is sectioned, pretty neutral and you got refs and everything, beautiful. A few pieces of feedback. First, you should remove the bold on the who/what/when stuff in the lead - generally wikipedia only bolds mention of the article subject itself (e.g. Ucore) in the article body. The italics further down should go as well, usually that is in mentioning a publication. I would go to Manual of style just to make sure. Second, the external links need to be cut down at the end. Things like the brochure can be tossed - wikipedia is not here to promote anything (WP:NOT). Look at External links and more specifically WP:ELNO to narrow it down. As an example, look at XML's external links - a topic far more broad has only a handful of links - yours has way more! Finally, get some Reliable sources and reference the history section to firm it up. Again, great work, keep it up! Tap this page or my talk page if you'd like more feedback. JoeSmack Talk 18:09, 28 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Spot-on feedback, JoeSmack. Thanks. I've tried to adopt all your suggestions in a new draft.
 * - Mark Underwood (knowlengr) 20:01, 29 September 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Knowlengr (talk • contribs)

Marek Losey
Request for feedback on this page Marek Losey. Thank you.Sophieusiskin (talk) 08:32, 22 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Great work! You included plenty of references which is always welcome.  I made a few adjustments that are common to biography articles, like putting birth and/or death dates in parentheses and most important, adding Category:Living people for those still alive, as special rules apply (see WP:BLP for more on that).  If you have inline citations (those bounded by then under the "References" or "Notes" section you include or  just once, and your citations will show up automatically at the bottom.  When you're just listing references as you did with some articles, just use bullets (with the star key) and it should be fine.  Otherwise, job well done, and feel free to ask any questions you might have. Joshdboz (talk) 22:36, 29 September 2009 (UTC)

Whether and if.
Whether and if User:DanielR235/Whether

I am unsure whether this article is suitable for Wikipedia, could some please tell me whether it is?

Thank you.

DanielR235 16:39, 29 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Hi Daniel. Please see your talk page for my comment. Joshdboz (talk) 22:59, 29 September 2009 (UTC)

Women Create Life
Dear all,

I have written an article in regards to the World Health Organizations "Women Create Life" campaign. I have added my content, some references, but I am confused as to what I need to do to find "sources". All of the information I have been given came from the WHO themselves and is a direct feed from the group.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gdm_geneva/Women_Create_Life

Can you please look at my article and let me know what I need to change, add, delete. Any recommendations will be a great help.

Kindest regards, Gabe 30/9/09 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Gdm geneva (talk • contribs) 09:21, 30 September 2009 (UTC)


 * A good start, but there is still some work to do here. Here are some recommendations:
 * Title - one of Wikipedia's main navigation routes is when folks search for names of articles, so articles should have titles that describe their contents and are plausible search terms. No-one is going to search for A new bottom-up market oriented strategy to generate resources for maternal and newborn health. If your article is about the "Women Create Life" campaign it should be named Women Create Life.
 * Contents - Wikipedia articles must be written from a neutral point of view. You should aim to describe what the campaign is and does and how it originated - but you are not trying to promote it, endorse it or recruit new members. I would drop the sections on "The Need" and "Benefits".
 * Style - avoid the words "we" and "our", as the first person is an unencyclopedic style. Phrases such as "we have decided ...", "Our aim is to create ..." and "We envision Women Create Life ..." should be re-written in the third person. See Manual of Style for more details of accepted style in Wikipedia articles.
 * References - you need to give more details on each of your references. Books need publisher, date, ISBN; journal articles need journal name and issue, page numbers. See Citing sources for more details.
 * Notability - notability is a key criteria for including a subject in Wikipedia; a perfectly written and formatted article may still be deleted if it fails to establish the notability of its subject. To establish notability you need to show that this campaign has been covered in reliable sources that are independent of the campaign itself. Newspaper articles or independent journal articles would establish this; press releases or advertorials would not (although they can still be used as sources for statements in the article). Gandalf61 (talk) 10:35, 30 September 2009 (UTC)

Under The Skin (Film)
Hello!

I watched this film and was surprised there wasn't a wikipedia article on it so I thought I would start one. I realise the article is very basic but I plan to add to it as soon as I get time. I don't seem to be able to upload pictures yet since I am a new contributor but I will put the film poster up as soon as I am able to.

Thanks,

Superbeecheese McGuinty. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Superbeecheese (talk • contribs) 10:37, 30 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I have moved the article to Under the Skin (film) per our naming conventions, and made a few minor changes. You're off to a great start here at Wikipedia! Regards, decltype (talk) 11:02, 30 September 2009 (UTC)

Knowledge to Action
Knowledge to Action http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:FollenA/Knowledge_to_Action

29/09/09

really new to this and finding it all a bit confusing any help is greatly apprecaited FollenA (talk) 15:39, 29 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Hi FollenA. Articles about companies, like all articles on Wikipedia, must be notable, meaning they have sufficient coverage in reliable sources (see WP:Corp for more info).  Doing a quick search on my own, this seems to be a borderline case, so it's imperative to add as many third party sources as possible and cite them appropriately.  For this I'd recommend you take a look through WP:CITE or just look at some well developed articles and see how the inline citations work and look. Just as a word of warning: as you can imagine, Wikipedia gets a lot of spam from self-promoters who want themselves or their company, organization, etc, to have an article, and so a new user trying to create such articles are inevitably viewed with some suspicion (see Single-purpose account).  This need not be the case as long as you follow the basic rules of neutral point of view, notability, and of course add reliable sources.  Feel free to ask any more questions you might have. Joshdboz (talk) 23:20, 29 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, I will have a go —Preceding unsigned comment added by FollenA (talk • contribs) 12:21, 30 September 2009 (UTC)

Hello Joshdboz,

I have made some changes please could you let me know if it is okay to publish? and if it is how I go about this???

Thank you —Preceding unsigned comment added by FollenA (talk • contribs) 14:35, 30 September 2009 (UTC)


 * The refs are looking good. Again, in a case like this it will be up to the community to decide whether or not it passes notability, but to create it all you have to do is put "Knowledge to Action" in the search box, search, and then click on the redlink at the top of the results.  Now you are editing a blank article with the title you searched for, so you can just copy/paste from your user page and click the save button. Joshdboz (talk) 19:56, 30 September 2009 (UTC)

UNITS Mobile Storage
UNITS Mobile Storage

Looking for feedback that this article is notable and unbiased. Thank you! --Usmatlanta (talk) 20:52, 30 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I believe you mean User:Usmatlanta/UNITS Mobile Storage—the article is in your userspace. I am reviewing it now—please wait.  Intelligent  sium  01:38, 1 October 2009 (UTC)
 * On review, I have detected the following problem(s): The article seems promotional in tone or style; the article may contain close paraphrasing of unfree sources. As even userpage are eligible under the G11 criterion of speedy deletion, I strongly suggest you rewrite it. Thank you.  Intelligent  sium  01:42, 1 October 2009 (UTC)

Sonja_Lyubomirsky
Sonja_Lyubomirsky --Bcjordan (talk) 01:36, 1 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Please read WP:PROF for our notability guidelines on academics.  Intelligent  sium  01:44, 1 October 2009 (UTC)

George Nene
Please provide feedback and more information for the article on Zimbabwean artist George Nene George Nene. News, historical sources, and other information from Zimbabwe can be difficult to obtain, even about people like Nene who were memorialized on a national stamp.

In particular, it would be helpful to add non-copyrighted images of Nene's work.

Thank you for your assistance,

NetSpatial (talk) 03:38, 1 October 2009 (UTC)


 * Finding images will be difficult - a challenge for many wikipedia articles. Looks like you have some references in there, but they need to be cleaned a bit. Look at Referencing_for_beginners for figuring out a consistent, single formatting method. Also, you can't cite Wikipedia as a reference, sorry. But great work for just starting out, keep up the good stuff! JoeSmack Talk 04:06, 2 October 2009 (UTC)

Robin French
Hello,

I set up a page for Robin French. I would just like someone to check that the writing style is OK and to confirm it as an accepted wikipedia page.

Many thanks, 62.31.46.121 (talk) 12:04, 1 October 2009 (UTC)
 * I made quite a few manual of style changes and provided transparent attribution for the references but I gotta run. If someone else could categorize, stub tag, etc. that would be good.--Fuhghettaboutit (talk) 12:36, 1 October 2009 (UTC)


 * I have added a category. Writing style looks fine to me, but I think it needs more references from independent sources to clearly establish notability. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:42, 1 October 2009 (UTC)

Robin French again
Thanks very much for the above commentary!

I have now added in 5 independent references. Please let me know if these suffice as criteria for notability. Also, I could add in more about his background (i.e. education) and other works of his if the page requires more information.

Thanks again. Felicity Waters (talk) 16:20, 1 October 2009 (UTC)


 * Looks pretty good to me, but as always the more the better. There is no fixed firm amount. Put more in, by all means! Also, put sections into the article. One for education, one for career, subsections into theater and tv, etc. Great work Felicity, great work! JoeSmack Talk 03:58, 2 October 2009 (UTC)


 * going the right way, but could use expansion and more citations to specific factual claims. And be careful that references actually back up exactly what the article says - the academic one backed up a related point, but not the original sentence (I've corrected it). Rd232 talk 08:07, 2 October 2009 (UTC)

Chiron Review
User:PoetryFan61/Chiron Review

Input and advice appreciated regarding grammar and source/footnote format and any other problems you see.

PoetryFan61 (talk) 06:19, 2 October 2009 (UTC) Jeremy Michaels, Oct. 2, 2009


 * I've wikilinked the authors, removed your signature from the bottom (not needed in articles or article drafts) and moved the page to the right name (still in your userspace). Generally looks a pretty good start, but sourcing for the authors published is lacking. Rd232 talk 08:14, 2 October 2009 (UTC)

ObjectFX
ObjectFX I'd like some feedback on this article on the first of an number of major contributors to the Open Geospatial Consortium please. Kcroth4809 (talk) 20:56, 1 October 2009 (UTC)


 * It looks like it has been deleted. Try starting it in your namespace first (Subpages) by clicking and starting it with this link. When it's ready, ask for feedback here so you can make sure it won't get deleted again! We'll help you out! JoeSmack Talk 04:12, 2 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Or the Article Wizard has an option to create a draft in your userspace first. Rd232 talk 08:08, 2 October 2009 (UTC)


 * The page is at User:Kcroth4809/ObjectFX. My feedback is:
 * Format - looks okay.
 * Style - reads too much like a corporate brochure. For example, "Record of Innovation" is a brochure heading, and the list contains several unsubstantiated claims of "first x".
 * Contents - should say more about what the company actually does. What is "ObjectFX technology" ? Did the company develop this technology, or does it only market it ? Also, there is a possible copyright violation, as parts of the content seem to be copied from the ObjectFX web site.
 * Notability - needs to have more independent sources to establish notability. Advertorials, opion pieces and press releases are good sources for facts, but do not establish notability. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:02, 2 October 2009 (UTC)


 * (Copied following from my talk page so discussion can stay in one place. Gandalf61 (talk) 18:29, 2 October 2009 (UTC))
 * My thoughts regarding your comments are imbedded below:


 * Style - reads too much like a corporate brochure. For example, "Record of Innovation" is a brochure heading, and the list contains several unsubstantiated claims of "first x".


 * {these innovations are the very things that make this member of the Open Geospatial Consortium notable and worthy of an entry in Wikipedia. Another member would be ESRI aka Environmental Systems Research Institute, who is already listed in Wikepedia.  I'm having a hard time understanding the difference.}


 * Contents - should say more about what the company actually does. What is "ObjectFX technology" ? Did the company develop this technology, or does it only market it ? Also, there is a possible copyright violation, as parts of the content seem to be copied from the ObjectFX web site.


 * {I will rephrase to provide better description. btw, the text has not been copied from the ObjectFX website, so there is no copyright violation.  Can the article reference the website?  The ESRI entry definitely does.}


 * Notability - needs to have more independent sources to establish notability. Advertorials, opion pieces and press releases are good sources for facts, but do not establish notability.


 * {I don't see much difference between the ESRI entry and the ObjectFX text}


 * Thank you very much for your help. Kcroth4809 (talk) 15:46, 2 October 2009 (UTC)

Seco Tools
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seco_Tools

Seco Tools

I've added this article, please provide feedback, thank you.

AChildress (talk) 18:26, 2 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Sorry, but my first reaction is that this reads more like a publicity brochure than an encyclopdia article. Please take a look at Notability (organizations and companies) and note the requirement for "significant coverage in reliable, independent secondary sources". Perhaps that exists but there's no evidence of it in the article.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:10, 2 October 2009 (UTC)

Hal M. Becker
User:Janneyw/Hal_Becker

I am looking for feedback for an article I wrote about Hal Becker in my userpage which i am hoping to post on Wikipedia as a new article. I am new at this and would appreciate your advice. Thanks

Janneyw (talk) 21:31, 2 October 2009 (UTC)
 * I see OrangeMike is already proving some help. He moved your article to a user subpage, which is where it belongs. The user page is about you, subpages are for draft articles and other material.


 * The style comes across like a marketing brochure, but that can be fixed. It looks like he may be notable (but we need clearer evidence—see Notability). I'll fix up some of the references.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:59, 3 October 2009 (UTC)
 * I edited the reference above to reflect the current location of the article.
 * I made some changes to the article, fixing the reference section, wikifying some links and adding citations
 * I added some discussion to the talk page of the article User_talk:Janneyw/Hal_Becker-- SPhilbrick  T  14:52, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

User:Thelema12/Utah Education Association
Working on stub about UEA - User:Thelema12/Utah Education Association - all feedback appreciated! --Thelema12 (talk) 21:37, 2 October 2009 (UTC)
 * You seem to have two "References" sections. More in a bit, if I don't leave for some reason.  Intelligent  sium  01:32, 3 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Our Manual of Style suggests that stub templates should be under everything in an article.  Intelligent  sium  01:40, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the help. I've made those edits. --Thelema12 (talk) 16:50, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

Wellspring Learning Community of Beirut
Capitalization is the only change. Am not good with this code stuff, and cannot figure it out, and am about to pass out from frustration.

I created the page before, and it was deleted for lack of referenced notability, after I requested a "stay of deletion" while school admins. got me some references. They did it today.

Are you applying these deletions willy-nilly? Take a look at "Cabot Elementary," just as one example. Luckily, I saved my file as a Word doc.

best, Paul Psmeers (talk) 14:02, 4 October 2009 (UTC)


 * I have moved the article to Wellspring Learning Community, Beirut. For future reference, page moves can be requested by following the instructions at Requested moves. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:28, 4 October 2009 (UTC)
 * I don’t believe deletions occur in a willy-nilly manner, but when literally thousands of people are making decisions in a non-hierarchical organization, it is inevitable that one person might propose deletion of an article another might choose to keep. In addition, standards evolve over time, so I see today more emphasis on the need for references (I support that goal), while some articles created years ago might still have none. I can imagine it is frustrating to be held to a higher standard than some existing articles, but I support improving the below standards articles rather than allowing new articles below standards.


 * I added a no references template to the Cabot Elementary page SPhilbrick  T  13:41, 6 October 2009 (UTC)

Help!
Can anyone help me? I need some advice with my article. Its http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napkin_PC Macka77 (talk) 07:41, 5 October 2009 (UTC)


 * What sort of advice are you looking for ? I have done some general tidy up on the article. My feedback is that it has two main problems:
 * It does not describe its subject in enough detail. The reference to paper and pens made me think at first that this was a "joke" concept describing ordinary paper. But then the later references to electronic ink etc. made me wonder whether it is in fact some form of rollable display. The article is not sufficiently clear about what it is describing.
 * More seriously, more than one source is needed to establish that the concept is notable. As it stands, the article does not establish the notability of its subject, and notability is a key criteria for inclusion in Wikipedia. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:43, 5 October 2009 (UTC)
 * I would make the Gizmodo link a web link. Literally, I would, and tried, except my browser doesn't support Cite so it failed. SPhilbrick  T  13:48, 6 October 2009 (UTC)

Robin French
Hello again,

Thanks for previous comments.

I have now added background, sections and another quoted source. Please advise if I need to do anything else for it to be considered acceptable.

Thanks, Felicity Waters (talk) 14:01, 2 October 2009 (UTC)
 * The phrase "gained a first" will not be known to many readers. Perhaps "gained first-class honours"?-- SPhilbrick  T  15:10, 2 October 2009 (UTC)

Many thanks. I have made this change as suggested. Please can someone have a look at the page and confirm if it is now acceptable? It is still showing the tag 'This article may not meet the notability guideline for biographies'.

Thanks again, Felicity Waters (talk) 10:31, 5 October 2009 (UTC)

Hello!

Please please can someone check the page Robin French for me? I have now added in all advice however it still shows the tag 'This article may not meet the notability guideline for biographies'. I would like someone to comment or confirm that it is acceptable if possible... Many thanks!!!! Felicity Waters (talk) 01:02, 7 October 2009 (UTC)

Wellspring_learning_community_of_beirut
HI,

I created the page above, and need to change the title to —Preceding unsigned comment added by Psmeers (talk • contribs)
 * This question seems to be a fragment. As much as it sometimes seems, Wikipedia cannot read your mind... If your question is about moves, I think it is already resolved. Intelligent  sium  review 01:13, 7 October 2009 (UTC)

User name: "Bruce Cairney" being used to defame him
The User name Bruce Cairney has been used to put derogatory comments, contains photo of Bruce Cairney and make some editing in articles on wikpedia seem to come from Bruce Cairney when they have not. This has been continueing since 2006 and still no one does anything. What does wikipedia do about this type of internet stalking occuring within its pages? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bacmac (talk • contribs) 16:19, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

Previous request for assistance on this when docglasgow Dec/06 interviened on editing of user page ... Revision as of 14:53, 4 December 2007 (edit) (undo)Bacmac (talk | contribs) (→User name created to Slur an individual) User name created to Slur an individual You visit the user page for Bruce cairney before and removed 'unhelpful comments' how about deleting the user completely it is obvoiusly only created to sling mud and BS —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 124.152.12.41 (talk) 09:05, 25 December 2006 (UTC). oops, I see I did not sign - this user name is still being used to slur an individual -- Bacmac Bacmac 14:53, 4 December 2007 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bacmac (talk • contribs) 09:36, October 4, 2009


 * I don't think you are in the right place. This page is intended to provide comments and constructive criticism about articles - it is not a general help page or noticeboard. The page on which to report persistent vandalism of articles is Administrator intervention against vandalism. The page on which to report an improper username is Usernames for administrator attention. The page on which to report other incidents that may require admin intervention is Administrators' noticeboard/Incidents. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:16, 4 October 2009 (UTC)

- Thank you! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bacmac (talk • contribs) 14:06, 7 October 2009 (UTC)

Aaron Fish (producer)
I created a new article several days ago for Aaron_Fish_(producer), a living, Canadian entertainment producer who runs multiple companies. After much review of the Wikipedia guidelines on notability and article writing/structure/format, I feel the article in question meets the necessary criteria.

However, I would greatly appreciate any input from other contributors/editors that could assist in improving the article as it now stands. Thank you in advance for your help.

Maninga (talk) 17:46, 6 October 2009 (UTC)


 * The article looks fine to me - well written, NPOV, sourced. You had some duplicate references - it is better to have a single reference which you can then cite at multiple places in the article, so I have changed this, and removed the unreviewed article tag. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:32, 7 October 2009 (UTC)

ObjectFX
ObjectFX

I have made some edits that were suggested and also would like to cite the Wikipedia entry for Environmental Systems Research Institute entry as another member of the Open Spatial Consortium as a precedent for including ObjectFX into wikipedia: Kcroth4809 (talk) 15:00, 5 October 2009 (UTC)
 * We don't "cite precedents" here; that's a more formal way of saying, "Other stuff has articles, so this should too!" We do not regard the "other stuff exists" article as a valid argument for retention of an article; instead, you should argue for its retention on its actual merits as far as verifiability, notability, and so on. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  00:20, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Camp Salmen House
This is my first article: User:SCPS70458/Camp_Salmen_House I had some difficulties in finding proper formatting, etc. and would appreciate any and all feedback. I was not sure how much information to put into the article, so I tried to be concise.

Thank you for your help.

--SCPS70458 (talk) 17:13, 6 October 2009 (UTC)
 * I see it is a NRHP, so please take a look at Template:Infobox nrhp/doc. I realize you are new, and this may be daunting; I'm not in a position to help much more now, but if you don't have other help by this weekend, I'll see if I can help. Take a look at WP:Layout -among other things, the TOC should not be first. SPhilbrick  T  22:26, 6 October 2009 (UTC)

Thank you so much for the direction. I admit to great difficulty in finding all the corners where information is available for new contributors. I have downloaded the template and am in the process of ensuring compatibility with standards. The template I used has the TOC in the beginning and am now trying to figure out how to move it. I also took you advice and sent a request for feedback to the National Register group. --SCPS70458 (talk) 22:39, 7 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey, it's looking good. I see you figured out the template. I'm still not sure why the TOC is at the beginning; maybe someone else will take a look at it and figure it out. Nice job. I think the National Register group is fairly active, so I hope they can provide you with additional specific ideas.-- SPhilbrick  T  01:30, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

mr budgie
Mr Budgie



(Jennymorgan (talk) 21:11, 7 October 2009 (UTC))


 * It looks as if your article Mr Budgie has been deleted because it did not explain how the subject of the article is important or significant or sufficiently notable to be included in Wikipedia. There are notes explaining this on your talk page, and you cen read the notability guidelines that are linked from those notes. If you then want to try creating the page again, I suggest you create it as a sub-page of your user page (there are instructions on how to do this here) and then ask for feedback on it again. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:03, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Puyravaud
Puyravaud (Puyravaudcarp (talk) 10:38, 8 October 2009 (UTC))

It looks like you are trying to promote your business and that is NOT what Wikipedia is for.  Teapot  george Talk  10:47, 8 October 2009 (UTC)


 * Agreed. You have created an article called Payravaud which has been marked for speedy deletion because of concerns that its text is a copyright violation. Even without the copyright concerns, the article is unlikely to be acceptable in its present form because it reads like an advertisement. To create an article that is suitable for Wikipedia you need to (a) write it in a more neutral tone and (b) show that the subject meets Wikipedia's notability standards. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:53, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Puyravaud

Thanks for your feedback it was initially declined since then I have changed it. Do you not think this is of interest to anyone? and should I give up?

(Puyravaudcarp (talk) 11:00, 8 October 2009 (UTC))

Bougainvillea
I wonder if anyone knows why my Bougainvillea is losing its leaves? I live in Central Pennsylvania and brought the plant inside when it started getting cold. I haven't overwatered it; the soil is still moist but it has been losing its leaves everyday. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Cricketbrown666 (talk • contribs) 15:53, 8 October 2009 (UTC)


 * Sorry, but I don't think you are in the right place. This page is intended to provide comments and constructive criticism about Wikipedia articles. You could try our article on Bougainvillea, or you could ask your question at the Science Reference Desk. Gandalf61 (talk) 15:59, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

arbob cultural palace
I've written an article, i'd like some feed back on before passing to the main site

The article is at arbob_cultural_palace

It's definitely a notable place, as everyone in Tajikistan knows about it. It's even appeared on bank notes. However i'm struggling to find references beyond the guide book which i've included.

TomEspley (talk) 08:29, 29 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Link: User:TomEspley/Arbob Cultural Palace, Khujand. I looked on Factiva and found 4 brief mentions of politicians etc visiting the place, but no good facts for the article unfortunately. I will make some style improvements to the article though. Hopefully someone else can give some full feedback.--Commander Keane (talk) 09:05, 29 September 2009 (UTC)

Hi guys. Made a couple of changes and added a couple of references - hope you don't mind - on the page TomEspley created here.

I agree, visiting politicians and tourists are not worthy of note but an official ceremony probably is (considering the lack of any other contemporary references). Feel free to disregard my changes if you like.

I also added a few more links - allowing for continued movement through articles once this one is published (which in my opinion you probably have enough for already - there are many articles far less comprehensive than this one). There are plenty of significant references in your article that refer to other people or places for which Wiki pages already exists - don't get excessive but do try to link things back through to other articles of note.

Looking good though - nice work.

Stalwart111 (talk) 23:37, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Count Antoine Seilern (1901-1978)
Count Antoine Seilern (1901-1978)

94.143.1.120 (talk) 06:53, 30 September 2009 (UTC)

September 30, 2009 js@byronfunds.com

Suggestion: Should probably be simply Count Antoine Seilern (without the date) or even Antoine Seilern without the title or the date, so the first line of the article can read:

Count Antione Seilern (b 1901, d 1978) was the x Count of x...

... and you can always add redirects.

There are a few references to him already on Wiki so I would suggest an article would fill a little hole. Stalwart111 (talk) 23:47, 8 October 2009 (UTC)