Wikipedia:WikiProject Articles for creation/Help desk/Archives/2016 July 17

= July 17 =

06:08:05, 17 July 2016 review of submission by 68.229.28.220
Hello, I really need assistance to publish with my clients WiKi Page. I first was told that I needed news coverage on the page, Then I updated it accordingly also even added his notable accomplishments. Then second I was told to tone down the promotional tone of the page. And here is where I'm get stuck at. I give you the rights to correct what needs to be corrected because I'm totally Stumped At This Time. Please correct his page properly & publish this WiKi Page. My client is a very well known Actor/Entertainer/Model. He has broken many records & continues to do so. Also he is related a Legend. Please fix this page properly and publish. We would really appreciate that. Right now our hands are tied in confusion & desperately need your assistance, Thank You!

68.229.28.220 (talk) 06:08, 17 July 2016 (UTC)

68.229.28.220 (talk) 06:08, 17 July 2016 (UTC)
 * It sounds as if you may be writing in the wrong style. A professional writer should also be able to write in different styles, and also to use grammatically correct complete sentences.  Examples of words or phrases that should not appear are: "Legendary", "unique", "the best of them", "Not just in ... but especially ...", Scene, "a new bright beginning of acceptance", using capitals on every word in a sentence, using all capitals in names, "most if not all major". See WP:Peacock for what kind of writing to avoid. We are going to have to have references that are not user generated content (ie not Wikipedia, YouTube or IMDB).  The reference that shows that number of visitors to Las Vegas increases makes no mention of the person having boosted the numbers, so yo will need a better reference to prove that. The spelling and grammatical errors are not the reason that this was declined. But if you are writing this for money I would advise you that Wikipedia is highly visible, and everything should be correct. Graeme Bartlett (talk) 08:25, 17 July 2016 (UTC)
 * I have a small point beside the tone issues, and the notability issues. In the third paragraph, you used capitalization in a way that is Unconventional In English, and Capitalized Almost Every Word.  If your native language is English, you may have done that on purpose for emphasis, but it isn't appropriate in Wikipedia, and is similar but, but more obvious than, peacock language.  (It isn't as bad as ALL CAPITALS, but it isn't appropriate.)  Robert McClenon (talk) 14:04, 17 July 2016 (UTC)

Thank you for your insight on the corrections needed. Also, I'm Phillips manager & I'm not being compensated to write this WiKi page. The grammer we can fix, but your saying it's rejected because his name or commercial wasn't mentioned in the Las Vegas count of more visitors in 2014 website makes it a not strong enough reference. I could understand that. But, on the Ispot website it credits Phillip as a actor in that commercial (The Check Out). Also, The commercial was one of the reasons why we seen the spike of visitors of all types in that year. I believe I seen a article that says that commercial was a reason why Las Vegas had the most visitors ever that year, and the folks in charge of the Las Vegas visitors are stating that in this article I'm speaking of. The Fox 5 news made a article and broadcasted about the commercial. (Already listed as a reference). So, if I can find the article stating the spike in visitors was because of the commercial and/or is one of the reasons why we seen the increase, would that & the grammer corrections be sufficient enough to correct the issues of the page i'm having & could get his WiKi published then? Because Ispot covers him as a credited actor in the commercial & Fox 5 covered the news about the commercial, So all what I would need is that article?

68.229.28.220 (talk) 10:25, 17 July 2016 (UTC)


 * The most obvious flaw with the draft is that it fails to state what Hall is notable for. The opening section claims that he is related to Sheila Lambert and Jimi Hendrix, but provides no reliable source for either claim, and anyway notability is not inherited. Maproom (talk) 10:57, 17 July 2016 (UTC)

Request on 16:52:50, 17 July 2016 for assistance on AfC submission by RachaelDudding
Hello and thank you for any help i may receive in trying to create this page. I believe miss Ede is notable as in the term of a known transgender female. She has been in major newspaper articles and tv worldwide which there is plenty of evidence online. I think its important to have LGBTAdvocates visible so as to help others in the same situation as her. She continues to show visability by tv and other media. In no way am i saying everything she has done is good as some of it is very controversial. But i do believe she deserves a place on here to carty on Advocating. I am not very good at this as only know basic computer skills so really would appreciate any help of people who are very experienced on here. Thank you very much in anticipation Rachael Dudding

RachaelDudding (talk) 16:52, 17 July 2016 (UTC)
 * There are a few problems with the draft, both as to establishing notability and as to tone. The references are poorly formatted.  The tone is too informal for Wikipedia.  The comments about her going to Mars are initially very confusing, until one reads that she was simply on a list of people who applied to go to Mars.  Put the references into standard in-line (footnote) form, and organize the draft in the way that existing Wikipedia articles are organized.    She does not deserve a place in Wikipedia to carry on advocating.  That isn't what Wikipedia is for.  If she is notable, she deserves a place in Wikipedia to summarize what has already been written about her.  If you have any more questions, we will try to answer.