Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Early life of Jan Smuts

Early life of Jan Smuts
This article, part of a series on the life of Jan Smuts, has recently been up for FA nomination. It failed (3 for - 2 against). The problem is that there were no clear reasons for failure - neither editor identified common features that they objected to (one thought that the prose wasn't up to scratch and there were too few references, the other had stylistic objections to the lead). The eventual intention is to raise Jan Smuts and its detailed sub-articles to FA status, but before I consider putting this up again, I'd appreciate any input that you could provide. Are there any real problems or is it just that the article didn't raise enough interest with reviewers?

X damr talk 17:32, 3 October 2006 (UTC)

Celithemis

 * I agree with the FAC comment that the lead should not discuss Smuts's later life at such length. Early life of Joseph Smith, Jr. seems to be the only Early Life FA, and I think it strikes about the right balance: a couple of sentences to establish who the subject is and why he's notable, but establishing right away that this article is about his early life and spending most of its time summarizing that.


 * I'd suggest a link to Jan Smuts up near the top, for people who might get to this article through a search engine -- or, ultimately, through the Featured Articles list.


 * I also agree with the FAC objection to the heading "Spreading his Wings."


 * There is quite a bit of unsourced interpretation, e.g.: "He was happy with having any female acquaintance, especially someone who gave him self-confidence" and "...an attitude which perhaps was the main barrier between him and the English undergraduates."

 &mdash;Cel ithemis  08:31, 5 October 2006 (UTC)
 * The term coloured definitely needs a Wikilink, and I think also a brief explanation, to avoid confusing non-South African readers.


 * Thanks for the comments, sorry for not responding sooner (Real-life pressures). The unsourced interpretations were taken from one of the main texts; as you point out though, there are no citations - something which I will sort out.  Reccomendations per links accepted.  'Spreading his Wings' - I suppose here we are dealing with the fine line between a writer's self-expression and the requirement to write encyclopedically.  I'll reflect on a few alternatives over the next couple of days.


 * As far as the lead goes, I find it difficult to understand the need for change. The objections seem to centre around the first paragraph, a paragraph which notes that he was a military leader, SA Prime Minister, and International statesman.  My view is that this establishes exactly who he was and why his early life is notable.  WP policy is that articles should be stand-alone, a proper understanding them should not be dependant on referring to other connected articles.  By cutting down, a proper understanding of this article becomes dependant on referring up to Jan Smuts.  I honestly don't think that cutting this down would be a change for the better - at most we could possibly remove the reference to the War Cabinet and the formation of the RAF, but everything else seems (to me at least) to be essential.


 * I'm not sure that Early life of Joseph Smith, Jr. is a good guide. It was promoted to FA back in Dec 2005 and, as I'm sure we're all aware, standards for FA status are getting tighter all the time.  Futhermore, the style of lead for Joseph Smith ("The early life of Joseph Smith, Jr. covers the period from his birth on December 23, 1805, to the end of 1827, when Latter Day Saints believe ..."), attracted severe criticism in the Early life of Jan Smuts FA nom. (an editor implemented that style in an attempted rewrite of the lead).


 * X damr talk 14:00, 16 October 2006 (UTC)