Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Kevin Whitrick

Kevin Whitrick
I've done a great deal of reformatting based on the Biography project template, and I think this is a few steps above a stub now. How did I do? BodyPride 11:07, 27 May 2007 (UTC)

Yannismarou

 * Isn't there any public space or allowed to use image? By the way, there are better ways to introduce external images like the one of BBC. Check Roman-Spartan War.
 * The article needs a proper structure. For instance, the lead is almost as long as the rest of the article (check WP:LEAD), and "Marriage and children" is too stubby.
 * Format properly you on line sources, using Template:cite web or Template:cite news.
 * "The death has been widely reported in the press and is notable due to the fear of it inspiring other suicides, [5] the possibility of the web cam footage being made available on the Internet,[6] and discussions over the culpability of web users who encouraged the man.[7]" I think you could expand on all these issues. These are interesting parameters of the incident.
 * "At the time of his death, he was survived by his former wife, Paula, and 12-year-old twins." If you want to write a proper biography, you should tell us some more things about his life.--Yannismarou 18:29, 4 June 2007 (UTC)