Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Life of Joseph Smith, Jr. from 1827 to 1830

Life of Joseph Smith, Jr. from 1827 to 1830
I'd like a good going-over for this heavily-cited article. Nearly all the referenced works are online, and there are links to them. This may seem like a very narrow article, but it's actually a very important part of the biography of Joseph Smith, Jr., for which a lot has been written by historians. Want to achieve FA status, like its sister article Early life of Joseph Smith, Jr., which was featured on the front page.  CO GD EN  02:06, 6 January 2007 (UTC)

Yannismarou
Wow! Great! Excellent work! Some suggestions:
 * I think the lead could be a bit more expanded per WP:LEAD. The article is quite long and I don't think that two very short paragraphs offer a comprehensive summary.
 * (Addressed.  CO GD EN  23:08, 8 January 2007 (UTC))


 * "Once Smith said he had obtained the Golden Plates from the angel Moroni": I know the article discusses a part of Smith's life, but IMO the way it starts, its very first sentence after the lead is a bit abrupt.
 * (Addressed.  CO GD EN  23:08, 8 January 2007 (UTC))


 * The article is heavily referenced and this is a nice think. But often these references are in the middle of the sentences, and interrupt the prose in a bad way. Couldn't they be (at least some of them) combined somehow, so as to avoid excessive interruptions in the middle of the sentences?
 * Some minor format inconsistencies again with the citations. Compare these two cases which are the same, but in the first one we have one parenthesis and a combined citation, which does not happen in the second one: "( Smith 1853, p. 113; Roberts 1902, p. 19)", "(Howe 1834, p. 264); (Jesee 1976, p. 3)".
 * You say too often "reportedly". It becomes tiring.
 * "Smith loses 116 manuscript pages, and his gift to translate", "Early transcription and translation in Harmony, Pennsylvania": I do not know if headings like these ones are in accord with WP:MSH. I quote from there: "In general, heading titles should be nouns or noun phrases. See also is an exception to this rule. Thus "Effects of the wild", not "About the effects of the wild". "The", "a" and "an" should be omitted from the beginning of heading titles. Thus "Mammals", not "The mammals". Avoid restating the subject of the article or of an enclosing section in heading titles. It is assumed that you are writing about the same subject, so you usually do not need to refer to it again. Thus "Early life", not "His early life"."
 * (Addressed.  CO GD EN  19:55, 10 January 2007 (UTC))


 * Avoid disamb. links like Lehi (fixed that one).
 * (I think that's addressed.  CO GD EN  21:04, 10 January 2007 (UTC))


 * Try not to re-link already linked articles (like King Benjamin, Golden Plates, Harmony, Three Witnesses, seer stone etc.). This is over-wikifation. Even Joseph Smith, Jr. is repeatedly linked?!
 * (I think that's addressed, although I don't want readers to have to cross section boundaries to find a link. I think I have about one wikilink per section now.  CO GD EN  21:04, 10 January 2007 (UTC))

--Yannismarou 15:43, 7 January 2007 (UTC)
 * "Meanwhile, a group of people in Harmony began to threaten the progress of Smith's translation." How? What did they do? Vague.
 * Oups! What is that: "Smith deposited a copy of the title page in Utica, New York[citation needed] ". Fix . And another one: "He also attempted unsuccessfully to have acquaintances pre-order copies of the Book of Mormon [citation needed]." And a wholke paragraph: "Later in January 1830, a group of Palmyra citizens passed a resolution calling for a local boycott of the Book of Mormon (Smith 1853, p. 150). As a result, E.B. Grandin stopped printing in January 1830.[citation needed] In addition, Martin Harris was coming to realize that the full share of the $3000 cost of printing the book would fall on his shoulders when it came due in early 1831, and under the prodding of his wife Lucy, was considering breaching his contract to pay his share.[citation needed] In response, Smith traveled once again from Harmony, Pennsylvania to Palmyra, and placated Harris by entering into a contract on January 16, 1830 stating: "I hereby agree that Martin Harris shall have an equal priveledge with me and my friends of selling the Book of Mormon of the edition now printing by Egbert B. Grandin until enough of them shall be sold to pay for the printing of the same" (Smith 1830a). Smith and Harris then went to Grandin's office, and convinced Grandin to resume printing (Smith 1853, p. 150–151), which he did on January 26, 1830.[citation needed]" And in note 19:"The factual accuracy of this second-hand account by Addison Everett has been questioned, as there are some anachronisms.[citation needed]". And 13:"Some commentators interpret the Book of Mormon to contain anti-Masonic references [citation needed]". And 22: "Although the intended destination was west of the Mississippi, where Andrew Jackson had recently relocated several Native American tribes, the delegation didn't make it that far.[citation needed]".
 * "the Book of Mormon of the edition now printing by Egbert B. Grandin until enough of them shall be sold to pay for the printing of the same" (Smith 1830a)" Isn't there a page number here?
 * Again Native Americans leads to a disambiguation page. Lamanites=Native Americans? Is that correct, because that is what I understand from the text.
 * "Smith then dictated a series of revelations chastizing David Whitmer" Who was he and why chastizing him? How chastizing him? What did he do wrong?
 * "Although the baptisms were performed after dark "because of persecution"" What persecution? Who persecuted them and how in this particular case?
 * "Although Smith did not give a date for this event, it could have occurred during this time when he was thinking about exorcisms and appearances of the devil near the Susquehanna." Citation please?
 * Great comments. Thanks. I'll start addressing them.  CO GD EN  19:26, 8 January 2007 (UTC)