Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Michael Schumacher

Michael Schumacher
Current GA on the controversial and recently retired German racing driver. We're making a final push to get this article to FA standard and found previous reviews from this group on Tom Pryce and Clay Regazzoni particularly useful. Particular points of interest are: has a neutral point of view been achieved? Does the article cover the topic in the right level of detail for a general Wikipedia audience? Thanks in advance for your comments. 4u1e 15:06, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

Comments
This article is really nice, good job! The detail level seems quite reasonable. As for the POV concerns, other than a few very minor wording issues, I didn’t really see anything that would concern me.

A couple concerns I had: some unlinked (potential) jargon you might want to check out: “canteen” "the season finale", "wet races" "Silverstone test", "first podium" vs. "first victory" how are they different?, “black flag”, “downforce”, “pole position”. Also, in the "career section" I kind of felt cheated, like the ending was given away at the very beginning, I would start with his debut (this could even be the section "intro") and work chronologically.
 * Pole position, black flag linked. Downforce already linked at the first appearance. Canteen's not jargon, it's just another word for cafeteria. Silverstone test seems to have disappeared, so I guess Buc's covered that. Buc's also covered wet races, although I did think that was very clear from the context! Podium = finishing in first three, Win = win: I'll try and clarify that, if it's not done already. Thanks for taking the trouble to comment! 4u1e 16:38, 23 April 2007 (UTC)

A few other nit-picks:
 * For continuity, perhaps repeat his vitals in the first paragraph of the "early years" section, (Michael Schumacher was born January 3, 1969, in Hürth Hermülheim, Germany to parents....), also you might want to mention his brother Ralf here since he is discussed later in the article.  Change: "Schumacher was served as the president…”
 * "Jordan challenged Benetton in the UK courts, but lost the case." - Why did he challenge them, I must have missed something what was his beef? "the more advanced and powerful Williams of Hill and Prost," please include first names here. "Electronic trickery" - edges on POV, could an example be provided? A mention of the deaths of Senna and Ratzenberger should probably be first, before the cheating allegations, plus no citations?
 * Jordan challenged Benetton because he already had an agreement in principle (a form of legal agreement) with Schumacher for the rest of the season, which he felt was broken by Schumacher signing with Benetton. That was all in the article, but I've rearranged a bit: Does it read clearer now?
 * --DO11.10 19:21, 23 April 2007 (UTC)
 * Hill and Prost in full at first appearance - Done.
 * change order of cheating and deaths. Done.
 * 'Electronic trickery' (the term is taken from McLaren's own site by the way, so isn't really intended to be derogatory or imply cheating!) and citations I will cover as I go through doing hardcopy references. 4u1e 16:13, 23 April 2007 (UTC)
 * Done4u1e 17:41, 25 April 2007 (UTC)


 * “Leading by a single point going into the final race in Australia, Schumacher and Hill collided, both drivers taken out of the race. Schumacher thus became the first German to win the Formula One world championship.” - Who was leading? How exactly did the collision affect the outcome, there is a bit of a disconnect here?
 * I think this has been dealt with. 4u1e 17:41, 25 April 2007 (UTC)


 * “…Finnish driver Mika Häkkinen joined the list of Schumacher's rivals” - “rivals” sounds a tiny bit POV, serious contenders? Change: “The championship fight came would come down to the race in Japan.  “In December 2006, BusinessF1 magazine claimed Scuderia Ferrari President Luca di Montezemolo pushed for Schumacher's ousting.” - citation?
 * “The helmet keeps the driver breathing and cool by funneling directed airflow through fifty holes to cool” - reword, this sounds odd
 * “Family and off-track life” feels a bit listy could it be better worked into prose?

All in all, this is a great article. Good job and good luck! Please feel free to contact me if you need clarification of any of these points.--DO11.10 03:56, 21 April 2007 (UTC)