Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Murray William James Bourchier

Murray William James Bourchier
The article has been substantially rewritten expanded since initially assessed as Start class. Suggestions for improvement would be appreciated. Dbromage 05:46, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by Canadian Paul
Here are my suggestions:
 * The lead should be expanded per WP:LEAD. Specifically, it should mention what exactly was notable about him. At the very least, it should include something along the lines of "Bourchier was the Deputy Premier of Victoria from 1935 – 1936" so that it at least differentiates him from any old politician.
 * The early life section needs to be directly referenced and could use a lot more information. What was his home life like? What were his parents like? What were his siblings like? How did his early life influence his later career choices/actions? What were his financial circumstances? What were his parent's education levels (this makes a difference - if he was educated was this what was expected of him or did he go out on his own?) What kind of work did he do at Woodland Park and how did it effect his future life? Perhaps the answers to all of these specific questions are not available, but those are the type of questions I would ask if I wanted to know about Bourchier.
 * As a side note, red links in the Infobox should be de-linked. They can be red linked somewhere in the article if you believe that there is a possibility of an article.
 * The World War I section is interesting, but the big block quotes break up the information and make it difficult to connect from one idea to the other. I'm not sure exactly what you might want to do about that, but it's just my observation.
 * Anything that can be expanded upon in the post-war section would be great. What did he do on the farm while was there? (Farming, I'm assuming, but you can do lots of different jobs on a farm too). Any details about interesting things that happened during his military posts and why he was promoted through the ranks would be useful too (again, subject to the constraint of available information). This section should also have in-line citations.
 * The Political Career section should be expanded to include his political actions and decisions and should be fully cited and referenced.
 * You may want to merge the Personal Life and Early Life sections together to create one large "Personal Life" section. Also, citations and references will be needed.
 * The trivia section should be incorporated into the Early/Personal Life section and the In Popular Culture section should be have a mention in the Political Career section after mention of his death. For both of these, citations and references will be required.

Hope this helps! Cheers, CP 18:58, 24 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated review
The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question. You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 07:15, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
 * Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
 * Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
 * If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
 * Per Wikipedia:Context and Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
 * As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
 * Generally, trivia sections are looked down upon; please either remove the trivia section or incorporate any important facts into the rest of the article.[?]
 * As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
 * Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]