Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/PJ Haarsma

PJ Haarsma
As I'm a bit new here, I am looking for a review of this article to see what can be done to make it a Good Article by WikiProject Biography standards. I'm in the process of writing a more in depth article about Haarsma's work The Softwire series, but it's not ready for review as of yet (hence why I still have it in my User namespace). Any critiques or suggestions for this article would be much appreciated. Thank you. Kethra ( talk ) 03:32, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

Review by Anne Teedham
Hi, Kethra. I've been in the background watching carefully, and have now determined that your article has progressed quickly to the B class level. I have given it a Top Priority importance because I feel that Mr. Haarsma's work is very noteworthy, and compelling, and timely. I expect modern-day readers will want to know in the future as much as possible. The Rings of Orbis, and Johnny T, and Mr. Haarsma sound exciting. I believe that you should concentrate on the criteria for the Good Article, essentially No. 6: "Illustrated, if possible, by images." I would like to see your current image (The Rings of Orbis screenshot) enlargened so that the artistry is more visible. Also, I think that I would like more explanation about the game. I am confused slightly: Why would the primary winner of the game want to be the best Citizen? It would seem to me that the object of the game would be for the winner to be somehow Johnny T always escaping his pursuers. Concentration on item No. 6 may lead to more images (as well as more in-depth) detail (and greater length of article), and these, in turn, could quickly move your article into the category Featured Article. I have one problem at the moment with the expression: "lugging around". To me, that expression is close to slang because of the word "around"; and I would offer just "lugging" instead. However "lugging" does not convey as much as say "muscling" but perhaps there is another far more explicit verb to convey the image suggested by the expression "lugging around". This expression is perhaps something the other editors will ponder.

Also, I added WP:Persondata to the main article, but I believe you should alter the details to your likely. For instance, the date of birth might be nice to have month and day. Inquisitive readers like those kinds of things. Anne Teedham (talk) 14:05, 5 December 2008 (UTC)