Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Prem Rawat

Review 1

Prem Rawat
The first phase of the peer review was completed, see archive above.

Look forward to phase II and your comments about structure, reorganization, lead, prose, etc., as suggested during the first phase by Sandy and Yannis. ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 15:11, 31 October 2006 (UTC)
 * Than

From SG
Plange and Yannis will be more helpful at how to best organize a bio; I typically go to the bottoms and work my way up, looking at the referencing (I don't like to read an article until I'm certain the references are in order :-)
 * References section seems very long: are all of those used to source the article, or should some of them be listed as Further reading?
 * These are all references. ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:45, 31 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Do these have ISBNs? Aagaard, Johannes, Who Is Who In Guruism? (1980), in Update, Vol. 4.3, October 1980  and Cameron, Charles (Ed.), Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji? (1973), Bantam Books, Inc.  On any other books that don't have ISBNs, can you doublecheck that enough info is given to allow anyone to find the publication?
 * Some of these do not have ISBN numbers as these are articles in journals (Aagaard), and others becase these are books pre-ISBN and were not reprinted (Bantam) ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:45, 31 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Expand all blue links in refs to full bibliographic entries (I would have done it for you, but I hate Citeweb :-) Example, Opposition to Maharaji and his message – Detractors and the negative message they convey, please give biblio info like name of website or author and last access date.  This should be done on all weblinks.
 * I hate citeweb as well, but it needs to be done. Will find some time do do these. ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:45, 31 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Some refs need page nos, example (there are more), LansVolgelingen van de goeroe, pp. and Levine, Life in the Cults.
 * Levine I can find, as I have the book. The other ones, I do not, but I know the editor that added that ref and will ask hiem to provide. ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:45, 31 October 2006 (UTC)


 * As examples (there are more), expand these refs, we need name of site or author or title of the page and date of press release and date of last access (having as much info as possible makes it easier to re-locate the info in case the link goes dead in the future):
 * Prem Rawat Honored by International University of Peace
 * Prem Rawat Interviewed on National TV in India Press release
 * US Patent Office
 * Sure. Will do. ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:45, 31 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Avoid ibid - I saw some in the references - the problem with ibid in Wiki is that another editor could insert another line of text sometime in the future, invalidating the ibid. Use named refs instead.
 * Not sure how to handle Criticism - Plange and Yannis may have ideas - but there's that whole business of Jimbo saying Criticism sections should be avoided, as they are POV magnets, and criticism should be woven into the text.
 * Not in this case. This is a summary of a spin-off article, as per Content forking.≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:47, 31 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Excerpts is a strange heading ?
 * Any suggestions? Maybe "Quotes" ≈ jossi ≈ t &bull; @ 23:47, 31 October 2006 (UTC)

I'll look more closely at the prose next week - have pending travel. Sandy (Talk) 22:18, 31 October 2006 (UTC)

Comments

 * Though not a FA criteria, usually lead should have as less citations as possible. Here we have 17 citations in the lead only. This should be curbed. Also the size of the lead is big.
 * techniques of Knowledge should be wikilinked on first appearence (in Childhood in India).
 * Rarely some copyedits needed. eg, "...mourned his father death..."; a space lacking after the citation superscripts following the sentence "Between January 2004 and June 2005 alone, he delivered 117 addresses in Asia, Europe, and North America"; etc
 * "In October 1969 he sent a mahatma..." - what is a mahatma?
 * "...India Gate in Delhi..." - wikilinks needed.
 * The section: "The 1970s" is choppy, with many short paragraphs. Please try to merge some.
 * All website references should have access dates.

Regards.--Dwaipayan (talk) 16:18, 14 November 2006 (UTC)