Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Sidney Mashbir

Sidney Mashbir
I'm a new editor to wikipedia, I have read through many guides on wikipedia but I wanted to know if my edits are on track and ways I can improve this article. I have a lot of resources and information regarding Sidney Mashbir but I am not quite sure how much should be put into the article. I believe Sidney Mashbir was an important figure, along with the Allied Translator and Interpreter Section (which I plan to write shortly) in US/Japan World War II history and I would really like to improve this article to B-Class or GA Status. I informally asked User:AustralianRupert earlier today to give it a look, who rated it as Start-class. I am looking for further peer review on the article, anyone with knowledge of US WWII Military Intelligence in the Pacific would be greatly helpful! Thanks -- Aeonx (talk) 11:20, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

YellowMonkey
I found a lot of hits on googlebooks, some that are in preview mode about him. Why are more of those not used? Much of the article is based on veterans sites, personal websites etc  YellowMonkey  ( new photo poll )  06:43, 22 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I haven't fully investigated all of the entries that appear on a search related to Mashbir on googlebooks at this point, although I am aware there is A LOT more information that could be added to the article and I am sure there are several notable feats Mashbir made during his early career and during WWII that are not yet covered. At the moment, I feel most of the article is based on his autobiography (as reviewed by James P. Finley, the Command Historian for the U.S. Army Intelligence Center and Fort Huachuca and Director of both the Fort Huachuca Museum and the Military Intelligence Historical Holding). The fact it was reviewed by James P. Finley (who seems to be a very good military historian from my initial investigation) is the reason why I decided to focus primarily on this source and I have referenced it dozens of times in the article.


 * Additionally I've used Secret Missions: The Story of an Intelligence Officer By Ellis M. Zacharias to collaborate on the article somewhat. Both biographies are listed in Further reading and are heavily cited in the citation I made in James P. Finley's 'Sidney Mashbir and Some Lessions in Joint Intelligence'. Perhaps I should cite the original source directly? I may be able do this soon, as I am expected to obtain a copy of Mashbir's Biography from my national library achieves in the coming weeks. -- Aeonx (talk) 14:04, 22 October 2010 (UTC)

AustralianRupert

 * For a successful B class rating, all paragraphs need to be cited, as such I feel that citations should be added to the following sentences:
 * "In late 1916, Mashbir applied for a commission in the Regular Army and was accepted with General Funston's support despite the Army’s policy that married men not be accepted. After attending the Army Service Schools at Fort Leavenworth, he joined the 22nd Infantry Regiment, which was stationed at Governors Island, New York, but was soon detailed for counter-espionage duty and recommended to join the Counter Intelligence service that was being formed";
 * Fixed. I feel I can probably improve the references in general some more I'll work on that further in the next few days/week. -- Aeonx (talk) 16:40, 24 October 2010 (UTC)
 * "Sidney Mashbir died on 13 June 1973 and was laid to rest at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery, Point Loma, San Diego County, California";
 * Fixed. -- Aeonx (talk) 16:40, 24 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Is there any information about his early life that could be added to the main body of the article (in an Early life section, perhaps). E.g. date and place of birth, parents names, occupations, siblings, schooling, etc? These are not essential, but many higher rated biograqphies have at least some of these details. AustralianRupert (talk) 07:52, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I've added some information about his family history and education in an Early life section as suggested. Mashbir did have a son, Don Stuart Mashbir(1931-2008) with his second wife, not sure if that is relevant though. I could not find any records of siblings. -- Aeonx (talk) 16:40, 24 October 2010 (UTC)

Cuprum17

 * A minor point; the section on World War II uses the term Attack on Pearl Harbour which is not American English spelling of the location Pearl Harbor but rather, UK English spelling. I suggest a change to agree with the American usage, since that is where it is located.
 * I'm Australian, so its also the spelling we use. I agree with the change though. -- Aeonx (talk) 00:48, 26 October 2010 (UTC)


 * In the subsection titled 'Early service' the sentence "He enrolled in the Military Intelligence Reserve G-2 and become a Lieutenant Colonel.", with the words 'Military Intelligence Reserve' red-linked. Later in the article the term Military Intelligence Division G2 Reserve is used.  Are these the same intelligence units or services under a different name?  If they are the same then it should be changed for consistency and to eliminate the red-link.
 * It is indeed the same intelligence unit, I have fixed the redlink. -- Aeonx (talk) 00:48, 26 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Perhaps it should be noted somewhere in the article that although he served as a Lieutenant Colonel (temporary rank) during World War I that after the war he was reduced in rank to Captain, his permanent rank at the time. This was common practice and not a reduction as a result of disciplinary action. A sentence about this might help the reader understand the situation better. Cuprum17 (talk) 16:05, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes I've seen this presented well in another article (see: Service summary of Douglas_MacArthur, I may try to follow something similar. Not sure. I will evaluate based on the information available. -- Aeonx (talk) 00:48, 26 October 2010 (UTC)

Ian Rose
Hi there, we've already come into contact re. this article as I did a light copyedit before giving it a B-Class rating (made possible by your improvements following comments made above). Just to clarify some of the points from that copyedit so as to avoid similar things in future: I look forward to seeing more of your work -- welcome! Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:08, 7 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Make sure your date style is consistent throughout the article. Although the general US date format is month day, year the US military uses Commonwealth format, i.e. day month year. This means that you can reasonably use either format in an article on a US military person, the main thing is to keep it consistent within the article.  In this case, you were predominently using day month year, so I changed non-conforming dates to that format when I edited. In the case of Ellis M. Zacharias, you predominently used month day, year, so I changed a few Commonwealth-style dates to that format. Best choose one and stick to it in all your US military articles (Hawkeye, who edits a lot of US military articles, uses Commonwealth format all the time, so that might be a guide).
 * Always spell out states like California, rather than using abbreviations that might not mean much to a non-native.
 * Take care not to use overly formal or euphemistic language, even though this might be present in sources, e.g. use "buried" or "interred" rather than "laid to rest" -- that sort of thing.
 * Remember that section and subsection headings are always sentence case except where they employ a proper term.
 * Date ranges take endashes, not hyphens. Where it's just year–year, don't use spaces around the dash; where it's a full date, use spaces.