Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Strings (band)

Strings (band)
I would like a formal peer-review of the above article to gather shortcomings for it to become at least a GA article. Please comment on anything, from the grammar in the article to the referencing. I would surely work with you guys on this.

Thanks, Arun Reginald (talk · contribs) 14:10, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

User:Yannismarou

 * Either use mdashes without gaps or ndashes with gaps in a sentence. But when ndashes connect single years they do not need gaps. Fix these things (I did some tweaks in the lead). Read WP:MoS, and have a look also here.
 * "While the initial band was riding on the new wave of Pakistani pop music, the later formation ushered a new revival in the music industry of Pakistan." Prose repetitions, and what do you mean exactly? Aren't now interested in pop? Didn't they revive the Pakistani music industry during their first formation?
 * "As ambassadors for Pakistani pop music". Officially recognized as such?!
 * "Acclaimed world over for their stringed rhythms, their songs ... " I lost it here. You need a good copy-editor.
 * "In Karachi however, things were shaping up rapidly and people idolising veteran singers like Nazia and Zoheb, Alamgir and Muhammad Ali Shehki were keen to ride the new wave of Pakistani pop music." Vague and uncited.
 * You seem to rely a lot on a ytube video. You need something better IMO in accord woith WP:VERIFIABILITY and [{WP:Reliable sources]].
 * Songs shouldn't be in italics but within "". Again read WP:MoS.
 * Try to have at least one citation in each paragraph.
 * "The band acted as goodwill ambassadors from Pakistan" Appointed by the Pakistani government or on their own initiative?
 * "With their massive presence in the Indian pop music scene, Strings were mistaken for an Indian band but being a Pakistani band singing in Urdu gave the Spider-Man film an even greater appeal in Pakistan as well - something that the Columbia TriStar Films and Sony Pictures had not envisioned." Citing needed.
 * I would like a section analyzing their style, influences, critical acclaims etc.
 * "Personal life" is stubby. Merge somewhere else or expand.
 * "Junoon and Vital Signs had only been famous in the United States of America with a significant following in Europe, whereas String took their gigs to India, all over Asia and the Middle East, and the rest of the world making Pakistani pop music a truly remarkable genre." Again cite please. And how exactly pakistani pop music became a "truly remarkable genre". Wasn't it before? What changed?
 * Another problem with the sources: Ref. 7 is a blog. Replace it! Any reliable source saying that they actually were "the most favourite band amongst crowds"?
 * "So were they popular in Asia that they were given an award for being Asia's most favourite band at the MTV Asia Awards." I suppose you can easily cite that.
 * "Awards" is badly written. Turn it into prose or make it a proper list.
 * "Other Projects" is listy. proper prose is needed. If it gets stubby incorporate it in another section.
 * "See also" goes before notes.--Yannismarou (talk) 10:35, 23 July 2008 (UTC)