Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Thomas Dixon, Jr.

Thomas Dixon, Jr.
Over the past few weeks I have worked pretty hard to expand this stub. Though I doubt it has yet reached GA status, I think that it's time for a peer review HammerHeadHuman 09:28, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

Awadewit

 * "Although his life has been tainted by his racism..." - a bit awkward - perhaps you could reword last sentence of introduction?
 * "not a huge fan of slavery" - colloquial language; this kind of language recurs throughout - "make it as an actor" is another example
 * make it clear what "one of history's greatest tragedies" is
 * check small things (do a copyedit); e.g. "attempt disband" should be "attempt to disband" and "scandle" should be "scandal" and "veterans rights" should be "veterans' rights"
 * often the connections between events aren't clear because your connecting words aren't clear; e.g. "an experience that he hated, and that he later would say" should read "an experience that he hated, but that he later would say helped him to relate to the plight of the working man"
 * what was Dixon's MA in at Wake Forest?
 * be sure there are spaces between paragraphs
 * perhaps you could add more material on the lectures and the writings since that is what Dixon is most known for? I would also suggest combining these two sections since you outline his major themes in the "writings" section - do those themes cover the lectures as well? If they do, I would begin the entire section with those.
 * the "family life" information should be integrated into the story you narrate about his life
 * I appreciate the input, looks like I've got some work to do, hopefully in the next few days I'll get to it. HammerHeadHuman 05:50, 7 February 2007 (UTC)

User:Yannismarou
Nice start! This is my review:
 * Do not wikilink single years, as you do with 1915; only full dates January 1, 1915.
 * Do not use   for paragraph spaces. The gap button in your keyboard will do the job!
 * "Here he met and befriended future President Woodrow Wilson.[3][1][2]". It would be better like that: "Here he met and befriended future President Woodrow Wilson.[1][2][3]",a dn it would be even better, if you could combine these three citations in just one. See ways to do that in Tourette syndrome, El Greco or Battle of Edson's Ridge. The same problem here: "While he claimed to oppose slavery, he believed in racial segregation.[4][1][2]"
 * "But, sometime in the next five years Dixon began to become disillusioned with the church, and he began to feel that he could no longer belong to any particular denomination." A bit repetitive the prose here.
 * IMO, you don't have to merge "family" with "Early years" or any other biographical section; it can stand as it is.
 * Your printed sources have no pages. This could be a problem, if you go for FAC.
 * Online source in reference 7 is not properly cited. Accessdate? Author? Check Template:cite web and Template:cite news.
 * Alphabetize categories at the end of the articles.--Yannismarou 21:20, 10 February 2007 (UTC)