Wikipedia:WikiProject Firearms/Peer review/Draft:Florida Carry

Draft:Florida Carry
Page draft for gun rights organization Florida Carry Stogiec (talk) 15:29, 23 December 2014 (UTC)
 * This article requires major work. Here are a few examples, but this isn't exhaustive:
 * Florida bill would require anger management courses for bullet buyers
 * So? What was the involvement of this organization, and which media source reported on it? The section on lobbying and legislative activity need to be based on secondary sources and describe the group's significant involvement. A few quotes from a spokesman, which is what the cited source contains, don't convey any particular significance. If there are several such citations you could write something like, "Spokespersons for Florida Carry have been quote in media sources commenting on a variety of pending bills, including X, Y, and Z." Or "Florida Carry is credited with helping the passage of the XYZ Act."
 * GeorgiaCarry.org v. US Army Corps of Engineers- Florida Carry Amicus brief to 11th Circuit Court of Appeals seeking to strike down Corps of Eng. Gun Ban - Filed Nov 12th, 2014
 * So? Who cares? If the Amicus was quoted in the decision then that'd be significant. Otherwise, it'd be better to summarize this kind of material by saying something like, "Florida Carry has submitted Amicus briefs in a number of Florida state and other cases, including X and Y. Its brief in Z was quoted in the court's opinion."
 * FSU changes firearm policy[69] 
 * So? What does that have to do with Florida Carry? As suggested by the reviewer, write a history of the group using those citations as sources. Something like, "Florida Carry was instrumental in gaining students the right to carry concealed weapons on campus.[1][2][3]" where "[1][2][3]" are the media sources which have made the assertion.
 * Does that all make sense? Rezin (talk) 23:38, 23 December 2014 (UTC)


 * Also, this is not prose:
 * New Florida Gun Law Begins Oct. 1st, Cities, Counties Cite Safety[60] No firearms signs short-lived at health department[61] You Can Take Your Gun to Miami Parks and Government Buildings Beginning November 17[62] Fla. law allows backyard shooting ranges[63] Sanford police chief flips on gun ban for neighborhood watch[64] Florida Local Officials Face Threat of Removal From Office Over Gun Rules[65] You can now carry your gun at Florida State Fair[66] Florida State Fair Allows Guns on Grounds[67]
 * There isn't a complete sentence in the whole paragraph. Instead, it looks like a list of headlines. That doesn't do the reader any good. Rezin (talk) 23:42, 23 December 2014 (UTC)