Wikipedia:WikiProject Greece/Peer review/Aristotle Onassis

Aristotle Onassis
The Aristotle Onassis article has had some edit warring associated with it. The current version is stable with semi-protection. A review of the article by a neutral editor to identify deficiencies and direction on corrective action would go a long way to improving the article. It is currently rated high on the importance scale for Wikiproject Greece. -- Whpq (talk) 17:17, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

User:Yannismarou
The article needs a lot of work. These are only some of the many remarks I could do. But it is a nice start. Keep up the good job, and when you feel the article is significantly improved, come here once again for a fresh review.--Yannismarou (talk) 01:13, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Short lead. Expand it per WP:LEAD.
 * Your references are not properly formatted. Read carefully WP:CITE and WP:REFERENCES, and make use of a series of very useful templates: Template: cite book, Template: cite encyclopedia, Template: cite news, Template: cite web, and Template: cite journal.
 * Can't you try to find any free use image of him. If you are not familiar with copyrights in WP, tell me to elaborate.
 * "He once said: "It is hard to maintain vitality when you are always hungry". Uncited quote. Provide a source. And do not italicize.
 * Your prose is problematic. Start first with your structuring sentences and paragraphs. Your paragraphs are stubby, making the prose choppy. Merge these small, stubby paragraphs or expand them, and gradually improve the flow of your prose. After the article is further improved, you'll definitely need a copy-editing.
 * "After hearing from an Argentine film distributor and a senior executive at Paramount in New York reporting the film star Rudolph Valentino saying that everything from the Orient was in evidence at that moment". I lost you here.
 * "His power and influence rapidly increased". How? Can you expand?
 * "he was present at important social events, and in 1925 he received Argentine and Greek citizenships". Source?
 * "According to Peter Evans (his official biographer) and Christian Cafarakis (a former employee)[6] a considerable part of the tobacco was smuggled,[7]". Try to place the citations at the end of the sentences.
 * "In 1929 the Greek government announced a 1000% increase in tax of imported products from countries with no trade agreement with their country" Which is "their country"?
 * Multi-referencing problems in "success".
 * When you cite printed sources, add pages.
 * "Success" does not give me a comprehensive idea about how he achieved "success". You should re-organize and re-write the section, making the reader follow Onassis road to success.
 * "According to the Evans biography, four days after his marriage with Jacqueline". Who is she? I know who she is, but have you properly introduced the person to the reader? And, is the story of his career over, since you go to an isolated incident?! There is no concrete and comprehensive story to follow here. The biography seems like a collection of trivia.
 * Do not wikilink dates (read WP:MoS).
 * "According to Greek Fire: The Story of Maria Callas and Aristotle Onassis by Nicholas Gage, Callas gave birth to their child, a boy, who died hours later on March 30, 1960." You have the citations section to source your assertions; it is inconsistent to introduce a book in the main article in the way you do it.
 * "Onassis never recovered from the death of his son." Just a sentence (seamlessly connected with the rest of the article) for this issue?
 * "It was said[". WP:WEASEL.
 * "Popular Culture" is badly written! A collection of trivia, without even a proper order.
 * Do not put in "See also" articles already linked in the main text.