Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Abebe Bikila

No consensus to promote at this time - Gog the Mild (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 12:20, 6 September 2020 (UTC) &laquo; Return to A-Class review list

Abebe Bikila
Instructions for nominators and reviewers
 * Nominator(s): 

I am nominating this article for A-Class review because I believe it meets the requirements and would like to move to FAC before September 10. It was on that date 60 years ago this hero of Ethiopia and member of the Imperial Guard won an Olympic marathon in Rome barefooted. He entered the history books, and solidified his place in Ethiopian and Olympic mythos. Not satisfied with just one gold medal, he won the marathon again at 1964 Tokyo Olympics. Abebe is a name that brings pride to any Ethiopian's heart. I would appreciate any suggestions for improvements. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:19, 2 July 2020 (UTC)
 * I will let the coords decide if this is in scope, since it barely discusses the military, but if you want to get it to FAC sooner rather than later I would just nominate it there, since reviews here are lagging a lot. (t &#183; c)  buidhe  22:23, 2 July 2020 (UTC)

Comments by CPA-5
Lead A sporter and a soldier that's a while ago that I've seen such kinda type.
 * Abebe Bikila (Amharic: አበበ ቢቂላ; August 7, 1932 – October 25, 1973) was an Ethiopian marathon Link Ethiopian.
 * Linked to People of Ethiopia. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Per MOS:LEAD the lead should summarise the whole article this includes his early life section.
 * Added place of birth and more about his military service to the LEAD. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Abebe was also a member of the Ethiopian Imperial Guard From when to when?
 * Added when he started his service. AFAIK, he died a guardsman but I will double check. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)

Early Life Will continue later on. Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 21:03, 3 July 2020 (UTC)
 * then part of the Selale district of Shewa --> "then part of the Selale District of Shewa"
 * Done. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * During the Second Italo-Ethiopian War, his family was forced to move to the remote town of Gorro Could you at least give us a year. Some people print our articles and a printed book has no links to the subjects.
 * Done. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:47, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Is Jato a red link?
 * It is too small to be notable. I doubt it still exists. By now, it has probably been swallowed up by the metropolitan area around Addis Ababa.—አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * played with goalposts sometimes miles apart Because this isn't US, British or Liberian related I think we should use kilometres because Ethiopia uses kilometres even though it is written by English speakers.
 * Done. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * he joined the 5th Infantry Regiment of the Imperial Guard Is there a link for the unit?
 * Redlinked. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Abebe ran 20 km (12 mi) from the hills of Sululta Per MOS:UNITNAMES Kilometres should be here fully written unless the comment two comments above is addressed it shouldn't be fully written.
 * Comment above addressed. —አቤል ዳዊት (Janweh64) (talk) 08:46, 7 July 2020 (UTC)

Comments from Ykraps
Lead:
 * "...an elite infantry division that safeguarded the Emperor of Ethiopia". We have been told it's an infantry division in the previous sentence. To avoid the clunky repetition, can we say elite force or similar?
 * "Enlisting as a soldier before ..." sounds odd to me. Seems like a mixture of tenses. He enlisted might be better
 * "He placed second on his first marathon in Addis Ababa, won twelve other races..." Is it not 'in' rather than 'on'. Also, what do you mean by other races? I assume they weren't marathons, otherwise you would presumably say, He placed second in his first marathon in Addis Ababa, won his next twelve, then finished fifth....
 * "In July 1967, he sustained the first of several sports-related leg injuries that prevented him from finishing his last two marathons". I would be inclined to state which two marathons. If one has to read the article to find out, the lead is somewhat redundant.
 * "Abebe was a pioneer in long-distance running". In what way was he a pioneer?
 * "...long-distance running. Mamo Wolde, Juma Ikangaa, Tegla Loroupe, Paul Tergat, and Haile Gebrselassie..." See MOS:SOB
 * "New York Road Runners' Abebe Bikila Award...." More SOB. As New York Road Runners' is redundant, the simplest solution is to remove.
 * ".....are a few of the athletes who have followed in his footsteps to establish East Africa as a force in long-distance running". More odd phrasing. Do you mean, that like Abebe Bikila, they have helped establish East Africa as a force in long-distance running?

More to come.--Ykraps (talk) 18:11, 21 August 2020 (UTC)

More in the lead:


 * "While he was receiving medical treatment in England, Abebe competed....", 'he was' is not necessary here.


 * "He is the subject of biographies and films documenting his athletic career". Of course he is. If someone else was the subject, it wouldn't be about his career. Just say, he is the subject of biographies and films or his career is the subject...

Early life:


 * "During the mid-1950s...." 'Throughout' might be better here.

1960 Rome Olympics:


 * "Abebe and ben Abdesselam remained together...." What is ben?


 * "...which included Great Britain's Arthur Keily, Moroccan Rhadi Ben Abdesselam, Ireland's Bertie Messitt, and Belgian Aurèle Vandendriessche..." More SOB! Countries are not normally linked. See MOS:OVERLINK.


 * According to this [], he was the first black African to win a gold medal at the Olympics. Why is that not in the article and, indeed, the lead?

I see you haven't edited for a few weeks. Ping me if you intend to continue working on the article.--Ykraps (talk) 15:10, 22 August 2020 (UTC)

may have different opinions, but I don't think this fellow really fits in the scope of the project, as his military service was not significant in any way. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:18, 5 September 2020 (UTC)
 * I agree. I understood that we didn't include biographies simply because the subject had served in the military. (Otherwise the scope of the project would become infeasibly large.) Obviously the dividing line can be a little fuzzy, but in this case the subject's military career is barely mentioned in the main article. Gog the Mild (talk) 09:52, 5 September 2020 (UTC)
 * Agreed. I don’t see the notability of his military service. Векочел (talk) 11:04, 5 September 2020 (UTC)
 * Moi, aussi--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:32, 5 September 2020 (UTC)

Closed with no consensus to promote. Gog the Mild (talk) 11:37, 6 September 2020 (UTC)