Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/2nd Battalion 9th Marines (United States)

2nd Battalion 9th Marines
This article has passed the good article nomination and the editors feel that it is ready to go to the next step. So it has been requested that the group conduct a peer review so the weak areas can be addressed. It would be nice to get a unit article up to FA status.--Oldwildbill 05:15, 12 August 2006 (UTC)

Grafikm_fr

 * There is way too much lists. If you want to go with the next step (that means FAC, right?) these lists must be converted to prose. For instance, the MoH recipeients could be converted into a nice chunk of text, while the ribbons could be converted into a kind of ribbon bar with a chunk of text next to it (if you have award dates it is even better - where and when did the unit get this or that ribbon?) Generally speaking, I think that lists should be either converted to prose, or to a chart (for instance, the unit composition could be drawn in a nice graph with some prose explaining it), as some reviewers don't like lists at all.
 * 9 inline citations is OK for a GA but might be insufficient for a better article.
 * Unless really needed, a section title should not start with "The" (see WP:MOS).

That's all I can think of at the moment, I might have some other ideas later on :) -- Grafikm  (AutoGRAF)  12:22, 12 August 2006 (UTC)

Kirill Lokshin
I'll reiterate what Grafikm said about lists and inline citations. These are two issues which are very easy to spot, and which will consequently be jumped on at FAC. A few other points: This is off to a good start, but still needs more work to be up to FA level. Kirill Lokshin 14:43, 12 August 2006 (UTC)
 * The "Unit composition" section really needs to be filled out. There isn't an actual description of what the battalion is in there.
 * The references are fairly weak for a topic of this nature. Are there published works which deal with this topic?
 * Lots of copyediting is needed; there are things like unlinked dates throughout the article.

UberCryxic
Kirill and Grafikm have identified the major technical problems, but this article needs major help with prose.

-"Formed during World War I the unit was to play an instrumental role in the defeat of the Japanese forces in the Battles of Guam and Iwo Jima during the World War II." Just say "played," not "was to play."

-"The battalion, who was to distinguish itself in the defense of Khe Sanh during the Vietnam War," See above.

-"With the advent of World War I, the United States saw a necessity of expanding its Armed Forces." For expanding, not "of."

And I could go on. Before you take this article to FA, spend some time implementing the suggestions of Kirill and Grafikm, by which point this article will look completely different, and drop a line on my talkpage. I'll give it a thorough copyedit.UberCryxic 19:04, 13 August 2006 (UTC)