Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Frederick Birks

Frederick Birks
Was recently rated as B-class, and I am looking for advice as to how to reach at least GA-class. &lowast; \ / (⁂) 22:05, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Ian Rose
Very nice article. Without going through line-by-line, a few things that stand out: Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:41, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Writing quality is very good and structure is logical, but you really need a more extensive lead for GA, ideally a couple of paragraphs.
 * I'd strongly recommend making that first pic after the infobox left-justified, as its current right-justification will cause a great deal of white space on some screen resolutions.
 * First World War seems to make more sense than Military years as the main section heading, given that he had military experience pre-war, as mentioned in Early life.
 * Like to see a bit more detail on his experiences in all those campaigns, rather than just a sentence or two, if anything further is available. GA was designed as a showcase for quality articles that were considered too short to make FA, but even so this left me wanting a little more especially since, as I say, the standard of what's there is high.

Nick-D
My comments are:
 * I agreee with Ian's comment on the lead being too short
 * Which Royal Artillery unit was Birks in while in Wales?
 * I also agree with Ian's comment that the coverage of Birks' experiences during the war is a bit short
 * It would be better to provide a detailed description of the VC action - reproducing the citation is a bit lacking as it doesn't provide much context Nick-D (talk) 23:58, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Jim Sweeney
Comments
 * In the lead Welsh-born Australian soldier of the First World War does not read right how about; was born in Buckley in Wales and later emigrated to Australia and served in the Australian Army during World War I
 * Do we know why he emigrated ?
 * starting a relationship with sixteen year-old Suzy Gelvin. Is there any need for the girls age unless we are insinuating he was doing something wrong.
 * Wikilink Shrapnel Shrapnel shell also wounded by a piece of shrapnel to was wounded by shrapnel
 * stretcher bearer links to Combat medic this is not right historically, stretcher bearers had no or litttle medical training.
 * The MM award following the ref does state he was awarded it for constant good services this seems to devalue the award the external link also states it was awarded in the field. Which may reveal some other reason for the award, is there another ref that may show just why it was awarded ?
 * The Belgium section does not read right;

On 20 September, Birks' platoon was advancing in Glencourse Wood, Ypres, Belgium. Birks, accompanied by Corporal W. Johnston, rushed forward to attack a pillbox. They were attacked with bombs, and the corporal was serioudly wounded in the confrontation. Birks continued alone to reach the rear of the pillbox, forcing the garrison to surrender. On 20 September, Birks' platoon was advancing in Glencourse Wood, Ypres, Belgium. Birks, accompanied by Corporal W. Johnston, rushed forward to attack a pillbox. They were attacked with bombs, and Johnston was serioudly wounded. Birks continued on alone reaching the rear of the pillbox, he forced the occupants to surrender. Do we know how ? and disamb Pillbox
 * To

Not long afterwards, Birks attacked another strongpoint as a part of a small party, capturing up to sixteen men and wounding nine others. Part of a small party can we change party as it sound like they were going out to enjoy themselves. Could use unit, troop, platoon, section
 * and
 * Following the battle, Birks assisted in the reorganisation and consolidation of the allied units. How ?


 * All the external links look ok and overall a Good Article which just needs a bit of polish. Jim Sweeney (talk) 13:04, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Patar knight

 * The lede needs to be expanded with a short description of how Birks earned the VC, and where.
 * "He attended the local Anglican school in Buckley, without being absent or late." should be clarified. Was he never absent or late? Or just usually not absent or late?
 * The "Belgium" section should be clarified to tell the reader that it was during the Battle of Passchendaele.

Good job on the article, and good luck with the GA nom. --Patar knight - chat/contributions 21:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)