Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Hughie Edwards

Hughie Edwards
I have recently been working on this article, and was seeking any ideas for improvement. Any and all ideas and comments welcome. Thanks, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:19, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Woody
Looks good. A few comments, not really much to be honest.
 * Might want to link "Ailerons" in Early life, it doesn't provide context otherwise.


 * "Due to the accident, he was declared unfit for flying until April 1940 when he was posted to No. 139 Squadron." This is slightly unclear, does that mean that in April 1940 he had recovered and was posted to 139, or he was posted to 139 to recover?
 * I think I have made it clear now, if not, can you please say so and I will go back and fix it up. Thanks, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)


 * There are a few jargon issues that I can say. A few more wikilinks to explain them would be helpful I feel: Substantive rank, General Officer Commanding etc
 * Although there is no page that I could find relating to substantive rank. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 08:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)


 * In the references you use two types of date format: ISO 2008-08-24 and the International 23 August 2008. This needs to be consistent, so use  instead.
 * I was meaning to fix this, but was a little slack. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)


 * The text generally doesn't flow in some paragraphs. It is just a list of appointments.
 * I agree; particually in the "Later career" section. However, I do not know how else I can write these sections, as I do not have any resources that state what else he did during this period of time. Any suggestions on how I can improve these areas? Abraham, B.S. (talk) 08:41, 25 August 2008 (UTC)


 * Nothing is written about his personal life. Did he do anything outside the RAF, get married perhaps? You mention his wife once, in the later life section. Did they have any children? Where did the couple live etc.
 * Again, I was meaning to include more in this area, but was slack. He was married twice and had two children, but his first marriage was in 1942 and I am not sure exactly when, so I was unsure how I was going to include his marriage in the World War II section without knowing when it was or where to place it. But, I'm sure I will think of something, and more will be included in this area shortly. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I have added more in this area now, so hopefully it should be ok. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 10:30, 25 August 2008 (UTC)


 * I am not so sure the ribbons are needed, but personal preference I suppose.
 * Personally, I don't like this section at all, but was afraid of retribution if I was to remove it. I will remove the section and use this peer review as a reason why. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)


 * Other than that, I really can't find many problems with it. There is limited scope for expansion, it is all there apart from the comment above about personal life. The references are there and reliable. So, I would clean up my issues and possibly head off to A-Class to see if there is anything I missed! Good work. Woody (talk) 09:56, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks mate! Do you really think it is good enough for A-Class if I fix the above areas? Thanks for your input Woody, I really appreciate it. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Borg_Sphere
Overall I think it looks pretty good. Comments below.
 * "Under heavy opposition," in the paragraph about the Philips Factory raid seems awkward, might despite heavy opposition be better?


 * Did anything notable happen to him in 1944? Everything is covered in detail up to February 1943, and then it skips to January 1945.
 * None of the sources I have on hand go into much detail nor do they mention this period of time. However, I have just purchased a copy of his biography which sould be arriving early next week, and I should be able to get some useful information out of this. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 07:31, 7 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Rather than saying his second wife was "knocked over," might it be better to say she was "hit by a car" or something like that, to clarify? Knocked over could be taken to mean that somebody came up and punched her, for example.
 * Changed to "after being knocked over by a car on a crosswalk". Lol, I like your example. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 07:31, 7 September 2008 (UTC)


 * The paragraph on the controversy over his knighthood needs to be cited. It's very debatable and one of the least cited places in the article.
 * This section was added quite sometime ago by another editor, and I contacted him to ask if he would be able to supply me with a reference. However, he was unable to find a published reference for this section by stated it was quite publicised in the media at this time. I was hoping I would be able to find something in the biography I have just purchased; otherwise I guess I will have to remove the section. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 07:31, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
 * The book has now arrived, and I have referenced this section. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 11:24, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

These were all the problems I was able to find besides the ones Woody mentioned. I think it's a great article, and has a decent shot at A-class. Joe (Talk) 01:56, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for having a look mate; I appreciate it. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 07:31, 7 September 2008 (UTC)