Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Khalid ibn al-Walid

Khalid ibn al-Walid
I've listed this article for peer review because i am planning to forward it for FA nomination, i want to further improve it, it must be able to pass at least GA nomination. So suggestions plz....... regards. الله أكبر Mohammad Adil  20:39, 5 January 2010 (UTC)

As with some earlier articles submitted, you haven't used ndashes in the number ranges and some identical citations have not been combined  YellowMonkey  ( bananabucket )  01:38, 6 January 2010 (UTC)


 * ok my bad, just fixed it. any other issues or suggestions ?

الله أكبر Mohammad Adil  14:05, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

llywrch
A few points:
 * There are some style issues here, minor things like the lack of a/the in places, inconsistent date format, overlinking (you only need to link to an article once). I fixed a few of these, but you may want to seek further copy editing help.
 * I may have missed where you provided this, but surprisingly for an article about a successful general, I did not notice any discussion of his tactical "style". Did he have a particular skill or resource -- other than some snippets of Mohammed's hair -- which enabled him to be so successful?
 * I may know of another source for you to draw on. Let me first examine it to see if it would be worth your time to read.

Otherwise, a fascinating subject, presented in a straightfoward manner. Good luck. -- llywrch (talk) 22:56, 6 January 2010 (UTC)


 * Done, just added his military legacy dealing with his tactical and strategic analysis.
 * Any other suggestions plz ? الله أكبر  Mohammad Adil  15:14, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

Cplakidas
In terms of comprehensiveness, I think the article is very well done. A special "bravo" on the campaign maps, they are really helpful. I would however strongly recommend a thorough copyediting to correct style issues (the lack of a/the noted above, as well as some weird sentence structuring which makes reading difficult). Another point is that there are a few occasions were the last couple of sentences in a paragraph are not covered by citations. If you want to go for A or FA status, they should be attended to. Also a few issues related to Hira and Iraq: Iraq in English is mostly associated with the state, not the region, which is far better known as Mesopotamia. Also, Al-Hirah (and not Hira, which is linked in the article) was not actually the capital of Iraq/Mesopotamia as a whole as is repeatedly stated, but rather of the state of the Lakhmids in "Arab Iraq" south of the Euphrates (which, IIRC, as a term postdates the 7th century considerably). Ctesiphon was the actual capital of Persian Mesopotamia. And a minor quibble: the phrase "Malik was guilty of his anti-state activities" hit me int he eye. It reminds me more of the Soviet Union during Stalin's purges than something related to the 7th-century Muslim state. It is a bit redundant there too, so I'd suggest removing it... That's what I came up in a rather quick going-through, I'll try to find some time to do a more thorough review. Best regards, Constantine  ✍  14:02, 12 January 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the suggestions they were quite useful, i have replaced iraq with lower Mesopotamia in most of the cases, but in some cases its would make things confusing so i avoided, e.g in the section Campaigns in Armenia and Anatolia and section above it where Jazirah has been mentioned, which is actually upper masopotamia and army was sent to capture it from iraq.
 * Actually in arabic sources, present day iraq is refered as iraq even in 7th century while the region which is now northern iraq is refered to as 'al-jazirah
 * I will nominate the article for copy-editing shortly, see if u can help copy-editing it.

Regards الله أكبر Mohammad Adil  11:46, 13 January 2010 (UTC)