Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/No. 4 Commando

No. 4 Commando
Another British Commando unit, for review possibly the most most experienced operationally, with the Dieppe raid, Normandy landings and the battle of the Scheldt, As all ways any comments welcome. --Jim Sweeney (talk) 20:05, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Trfasulo
There seems to be an abundance of complex sentences in the article, which can lead to some confusion to most readers. Personally, I wish people were more used to such sentences, but the world is changing. Plus, people read text on computer screens differently then they do on paper. Where possible, you might consider breaking down the complex sentences into shorter sentences. This produces a more 'active' style on screen and is easier to read. Some examples:


 * "By 1942 they were much more experienced and their actions during the Dieppe raid, when they silenced a German gun battery, was the only complete success of the operation, the raid was eventually aborted following heavy losses."

To:

"By 1942, they were much more experienced and their actions during the Dieppe raid, when they silenced a German gun battery, was the only complete success of the operation. The raid was eventually aborted following heavy losses."

Plus, should it be "their action" (singular) to be in agreement with "was the only complete success."


 * "In fact they were still there 82 days later, protecting the left flank of the beachhead, during which No. 4 Commando took over 50 percent casualties."

To:

"In fact, they were still there 82 days later, protecting the left flank of the beachhead. During that time period, No. 4 Commando took over 50 percent casualties.

Watch your commas, or absence of, too.


 * "By the autumn of 1940 more than 2,000 men had volunteered and in November 1940 these new units were organised into a Special Service Brigade consisting of four battalions under the command of Brigadier J. C. Haydon"

To:

"By the autumn of 1940, more than 2,000 men had volunteered. During November 1940, these volunteers were organised into a Special Service Brigade consisting of four battalions under the command of Brigadier J. C. Haydon."

Should "units" be deleted and and "volunteers" or "men" substituted? Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 01:27, 28 August 2010 (UTC) ✅ thanks Jim Sweeney (talk) 08:21, 28 August 2010 (UTC)

Fifelfoo

 * Citation presentation
 * Bibliography
 * Stroud, Barnsley and Santa Barbara require containing location, ie Nation or State


 * Short citations
 * A number are broken at wiki-markup level, this may be due to an ongoing copy-edit
 * Bracket / unbracket years to consistency
 * Internally link citations to bibliography or unlink for consistency
 * I think this was during the copy edit but all fixed now.


 * Otherwise looking pretty good on citation consistency / presentation. Fifelfoo (talk) 04:02, 8 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review. --Jim Sweeney (talk) 08:31, 8 September 2010 (UTC)