Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Second Ostend Raid

Second Ostend Raid
Article I created from scratch and hopefully the first of a series of articles on naval actions of the First World War. Am hoping to go all the way with this at some stage (though not right now) and any comments would be greatfully recieved.--Jackyd101 18:58, 13 September 2007 (UTC)

Roger Davies
A very promising and engaging article. My criticisms are mostly about style, which could easily be resolved with a rigorous copy edit. Please let me know if specific examples will help. -- R OGER D AVIES  TALK 22:58, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
 * The text is slightly repetitive and in places tends towards wordiness.
 * Some of the sentences are overlong (usually because of lengthy subordinate clauses) and could do with recasting.
 * Finally, it probably needs a map.

I have run through and copyedited the text, let me know if you think its any better. As for maps, haven't found one yet either free or fair use (cos if there was a fair use one I could copy it out), so not much i can do with that at the moment. Thankyou for your attention.--Jackyd101 15:25, 14 September 2007 (UTC)

Carre
Whilst not a member of this wiki project, I have an ongoing peer review, so I thought I'd contribute something in return, albeit very minor. First of all, I'd like to express my amazement at your having brought an article from nothing to this quality in such a short space of time; I am impressed. And now, a very slight MOS point:
 * Last paragraph, Bruges section - shouldn't have "the" in front of the date, per WP:DATE: dates don't use ordinals (5th, 3rd, etc) or articles (the).  In fact, without the ordinal, the article looks out of place anyway.

And that's it! I did think it looked under-referenced at first glance, but closer reading proved that first impression wrong. Carre 12:38, 14 September 2007 (UTC)
 * Thank you very much, I will remove that errant "the" immediately.--Jackyd101 15:25, 14 September 2007 (UTC)