Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Dead Head Fred

Dead Head Fred
This article's been rebuilt from the ground up. I'd appreciate any comments on it. Thanks! — Levi van Tine (t – c)  13:58, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I suggest that you should flip-flop External Links and References to make it look better. GamerPro64 (talk) 16:48, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Oops you're right, thanks! — Levi van Tine (t – c)  05:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Also, can you find any total sales from Dead Head Fred? GamerPro64 (talk) 14:20, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I've been looking, but haven't found any. I'll keep on it. —  Levi van Tine (t – c)  07:00, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * It also occured to me that something's the matter with the article's Template and External Links. GamerPro64 (talk) 05:05, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Update: Nevermind. I fixed it. GamerPro64 (talk) 01:15, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey thanks, I wasn't exactly sure what you meant anyways. — Levi van Tine (t – c)  07:23, 9 March 2009 (UTC)


 * Here's a few things I noticed:


 * It could use a bit of copyediting. In the lead, for example, I noticed this: "The game is a wholly single-player experience and features the title character, Fred Neuman, as a recently deceased, decapitated, amnesiac private investigator who has the ability to switch heads." The flow of this is interrupted several times, and I would say that it tries to incorporate too many ideas into a single sentence. I wouldn't mind doing a little copyediting on the article, if you want. A fresh pair of eyes is always helpful.


 * I cleaned up that sentence, but I would definitely appreciate some copyediting if you have the time.
 * In the second sentence of the Gameplay section, you make mention of the game's engine. Wouldn't this be better suited for the development section?


 * Moved.
 * In the Setting subsection, you make mention of one "Vinni Rossini", labeling him as an "influential citizen". If possible, could you elaborate? What exactly did he do?


 * Added a little elaboration. The game itself provides few details as to Rossini's profession, but he is referred to as a "town benefactor".
 * In the plot section, there is an aside about The Maltese Falcon. I would suggest that it be shortened, and perhaps moved. Like so: "The hunchback introduces himself as Sam Spade (a reference to The Maltese Falcon)". Or something like that.


 * Reworded.
 * The development section doesn't discuss the game's technology or game design philosophy. You have a lot of good information in there now, but expanding on these details, if at all possible, wouldn't hurt.


 * Moved that bit about the engine. Couldn't find much more about the tech.  The philosophy seems clear...at first the designers wanted a kid-friendly platformer, then an adult noir game.  They didn't want a whole lot of combat but added it later when focus groups complained, etc.
 * Actually, by philosophy, I meant something like Bungie's famous "30 seconds of fun" design process. Or Looking Glass' "player-powered gameplay". For example, Vicious Cycle might have remarked that their "goal was to create a game where the player was allowed to express themselves through their choice of heads", or something. An overriding philosophy that directs the game's development. If nothing like that exists, the detailed creation process you already have in there will do. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 11:31, 12 March 2009 (UTC)


 * Aside from those points, it's pretty good. Nice work. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:45, 11 March 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks! — Levi van Tine (t – c)  07:41, 12 March 2009 (UTC)


 * I've copyedited the page. My copyediting abilities are fairly limited, though, so if you're shooting for FAC, I would definitely recommend finding some other people to work on it. I'd recommend someone, but until recently I'd been inactive for something like two years; I don't really know anyone, anymore. Anyway, good luck on your article! JimmyBlackwing (talk) 13:18, 12 March 2009 (UTC)