Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Grand Theft Auto IV/Archive 1

Grand Theft Auto IV
Well this article has had a few failed GANs, mostly due to stability. The article is quite different and much more stable since then, and I'd like to try and get a successful GAN, but I'd like to know what should be added, refined, changed or removed entirely beforehand. -- .: Alex  :.  17:02, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

Review by Noj_R

This is a large article, so I am going to try and address major issues.

Lead


 * the first in its fourth generation - Does this refer to how many console generations the series span? It might be better to negate and lead into the next sentence.
 * The Lost and the Damned and fifteen game types - these link to subsections in the same article. I believe it would be better to not link them.
 * TopTenReviews - is listed as a source. I believe there was a discussion going on regarding its reliability. I would be careful with this site until a consensus is made.

Gameplay


 * Gameplay section - is too large. I know there is a lot of material in this game, but try condensing it. Sentences like When major collisions on motorbikes occur, Niko will most likely fly off in any direction... or There is also a parody of Ric Burns' New York: A Documentary Film running continuously... are trivial. This section should focus on core gameplay topics and avoid fluff.
 * Niko can pick up prostitutes and pay for three different levels of sexual service... - How is this relevant to the title's gameplay? If this material caused some controversy it should probably be mentioned in the controversy section. Otherwise its just fluff.
 * Wanted levels operate differently from previous GTA games - This statement assumes the player has previous knowledge of the series. Try to reword.
 * The player can focus the camera on the target during chases - Who or what is the target in a chase? This needs clarification.

Synopsis


 * fair-use images - should be used sparingly, two is usually enough. The screenshot in gameplay is fine since it demonstrates the duck n cover system. However the images of Niko on Happiness island and the image of Niko and Dmitri are not necessary and should probably be removed. The picture of liberty city would probably fit in better in the development section considering its caption deals with that section. Also, stagger the images in the article to balance them with the text. It really does look nicer.
 * Grand Theft Auto IV follows the story of Niko Bellic... - is one long run-on sentence. There are more sentences like this, split them up.

Development
 * development section - is a bit large and could use some organizing. Try creating more sub-sub-sections and organizing it. Try to cut fluff out.
 * On 27 October 2008, Rockstar released...On 15 November 2008, another patch (1.04) was released...' - Convert these lists into prose.
 * Images - Consider their inclusion and purpose; not all of them have to be used.

Reception
 * PlayStation Official Magazine (UK) also gave the game 10/10 - Many of these scores are mentioned in the review table already. Remove the redundancy by removing the table or removing the scores from the prose.
 * critical reception section -- the last paragraph needs citations.
 * Grand Theft Auto IV broke the Guinness World Records for "Highest grossing video game in 24 hours" and "Highest Revenue Generated by an Entertainment Product in 24 Hours". It sold 3.6 million copies on day one - "3.6 million copies sold" was already explained in the above paragraph. Try integrating the Guinness World Record statement into the above paragraph instead of mentioning it later.
 * As of 31 May 2008, the title has sold over 11 million copies to retailers and then As of 16 August 2008, the title has sold over 10 million - Sales data should be explained chronologically. The paragraph containing these statements is confusing.

Awards
 * IGN has given... GameTrailers has given - Convert this list of awards into prose and try to avoid redundant wording.

Controversy
 * According to police, the teens claimed that they were "inspired" by Grand Theft Auto IV. - this and the preceding sentence need a citation.

Conclusion: This is a dense article, but a good one. I recommend condensing the article first. Cut out all the fluff and leave only the important parts. Organize the article as you do this. Then give the article a nice copy-edit. Great work so far, I hope my comments prove useful and I look forward to reading it again in the future. Cheers, - Noj r (talk) 08:20, 2 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks! There's some very nice suggestions there. I changed The Lost and Damned link to link to the actual article, rather than section. I also cut down on stuff like you suggested, as it is a large article. Will make further edits soon. With regards to images, I'm curious whether this one is visible to you, as it hasn't been for me for the last couple of months. It just appears as pure white for some reason. -- .: Alex  :.  08:18, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Interesting. I can see the image just fine. -- Noj r (talk) 17:31, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Comment — fair use images should be at low resolution. I think 300px wide, as that's what size some people have their thumbnails.  Jolly  Ω   Janner  22:15, 19 February 2009 (UTC)