Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Reptile (Mortal Kombat)

Reptile (Mortal Kombat)
Need to be hammered with whatever fixes and so forth to improve this article so when I nominate for FA the prose will be up to snuff. So hit me with whatever qualms you have about the article to fix the prose, and I'll fix it as soon as possible.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 21:01, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments by Noj_R

Sorry about the wait, I've been meaning to get to this.

Lead
 * "debuted in the first game" - I think saying Mortal Kombat is better.
 * "as a hidden boss, appearing in subsequent titles" -> "as a hidden boss and appeared in subsequent titles"
 * "has also appeared" then "as well as" - Reword to include only one "also"
 * "Reptile is a Raptor, a bipedal humanoid race of reptilian creatures" - I think it would be better to mention this earlier in the first paragraph. Otherwise readers must wait until the second paragraph before they find out what sort of creature he is.
 * "pretense of the revival of his race" -> "pretense his race will be revived"

Conception and history
 * "Included in the first game late" - This sentence could be worded much better.
 * Sub-Zero links to Noob Saibot, not Sub-Zero
 * "using extreme conditions" - What kind of extreme conditions?
 * "character was not included" - If he was not included until version 3, how were players encountering him under extreme conditions?
 * "His clothing consists" - Since he doesn't appear as a palette swap anymore, I believe it would be "consisted"
 * "Onaga controlling" - Who is Onaga? He appears out of the blue.
 * "amalgam" -> "amalgamation"

In Video Games
 * "occurs every eighth cycle of the game's stages." - What does this mean exactly?
 * "Outworld and enslaved by Shao Kahn." - What is the Outworld and who is Shao Kahn? Remember, readers unfamiliar with Mortal Kombat should be able to read this article and understand what is happenening.
 * "Shang Tsung's bodyguard" and "kill Kitana" - more non sequitur appearances of other MK characters.

Cultural Impact
 * The figure comes with" - The action figure is no longer being sold so -> "The figure came with"
 * "it includes an alternate head" -> "it included an alternate head"

Conclusion:
 * This article contains a lot of in-universe language that is confusing to me, a gamer unfamiliar with the material, let alone a non-gamer reader. I also feel that an entire paragraph detailing Reptile's appearance is a bit much. The cultural impact section seems ok. I would recommend devoting some time to copy-edit the article. Try to see things from a non-MK player's point of view. I commend you for writing about a fairly obscure character and thank you for your hard work. I look forward to reading this article in the future. Cheers, -- Noj r (talk) 07:39, 10 February 2009 (UTC)