Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2018-12-24/Essay

Originally started in December 2007 by, twelve editors have contributed to Requests for medication as of this version. Do you want to suggest an essay you would like republished in The Signpost? Perhaps you would like to write a story or even just an "in brief" item? Edit next month's edition in the Newsroom or leave a tip on the suggestions page.

Requests for Medication is the most important step in formal dispute resolution on Wikipedia. High volumes of stress can often manifest when the desire to continue to have the privilege of editing Wikipedia overrides the body's innate desire to choke the living shit out of some bastard who really has it coming. Medication is administered by members of the Medication Committee and has proven time and again to aid in resolving content disputes, curing headaches and averting the occasional natural disaster. Side effects may include: Before requesting medication, you should invite some friends over so that they may benefit from the humor of your behavior, tease you about it for the remainder of your life and post pics on your talk page. If medication fails to bring about a resolution to your dispute, tell the other guy to. If this still doesn't work, then try taking up a different dispute or a hobby; you're probably wrong anyway. I mean, really, I lost a dispute and started knitting instead and I'm much happier. With the proceeds from the sweaters that I sell, I've accumulated enough money to pay my ISP again.
 * watery eyes
 * blurred vision
 * not giving a crap anymore
 * smiling too much
 * missing work the next day
 * not giving a crap anymore
 * staying home instead to edit Wikipedia
 * loss of Internet access or residence due to non-payment.