Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/1740 Batavia massacre/archive2


 * Resolved comments from Mark Arsten (talk) transferred to talk page at 23:27, 24 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Comments: I did some copyediting before this article's last FAC, but that was long enough ago that this seems completely new to me.
 * "The massacre's legacy in popular culture is found in Dutch literature, in which it has figured heavily, and in the names of several areas in Jakarta, which historians have suggested evoke the massacre." Just a though, but I'd suggest breaking this into two sentences.
 * Done


 * "at least 10,000 ethnic Chinese were massacred and that only 600 to about 3,000 survived" Kind of a large range of survivors, any way to put this less awkwardly?
 * How's this?


 * "the number of ethnic Chinese in Batavia grew rapidly. (It reached a total of 10,000 by 1740.)" I'd nix the parenthesis and combine these two.
 * Fixed.


 * "while the Chinese were perceived as occupying some of the most prosperous neighbourhoods in the city." Perceived by whom? I assume just the natives. Mark Arsten (talk) 01:54, 22 April 2012 (UTC)
 * How's this? Crisco 1492 (talk) 07:32, 22 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Fixes look good, I rephrased one of your fixes a little.
 * Ok, looks like second time may in fact be the charm. I made a few copyediting changes and have a few questions below, but I'm close to supporting.
 * "and stronger measures to control them" Who does "them" refer to here?
 * Chinese


 * "Large numbers of Chinese began to arrive from nearby settlements" Where did they arrive?
 * Fixed


 * "Although the Chinese evacuated to Paninggaran" This is the first we've heard of Paninggaran, what is it?
 * An area. Added "nearby" to imply that it is an area.


 * "while at least another 500 were seriously wounded. Between six and seven hundred houses were raided and burned.[40][41] Vermeulen gives a figure of 600 survivors," Why are you switching between figures and prose expression of numbers here?
 * Oops. Fixed


 * In that paragraph you talk about deaths and survivors, you're talking about Chinese, right? Because you only say that after the fourth number.
 * Added Chinese x2


 * Would it be worth linking Chinatown?
 * Considering pecinan is linked right next to it (and has more value, as this is in an Indonesian context) I don't think its necessary.


 * Pakubuwono II Was he Chinese? What was he the ruler of?
 * Expanded.


 * "The massacre also led to the naming of numerous areas in Jakarta." Not sure I like this sentence, can't immediately think of a better way to say it though.
 * How's this?


 * "One possible etymology for Tanah Abang" should Tanah Abang be italicized? Mark Arsten (talk) 01:50, 24 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Not sure on this, as it is the name of an area. How's this?