Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/4th Missouri Infantry Regiment (Confederate)/archive1

TFA blurb review
The 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment was an infantry regiment that served in the Confederate States Army during the American Civil War. Organized on April 28, 1862, the regiment was present at the Battles of Farmington on May 9, and Iuka on September 19. The regiment participated in three charges against Union lines on October 3, 1862, during the Second Battle of Corinth. On October 4, the regiment and its brigade attacked fresh Union lines. Despite initial success, their attack was repulsed by a Union counterattack. On November 7, 1862, the regiment was combined with the 1st Missouri Infantry to form the 1st and 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment (Consolidated). The combined unit served in the Vicksburg campaign in 1863, before surrendering at the end of the Siege of Vicksburg. After being exchanged, the men rejoined the Confederate Army and served in the Atlanta campaign and the Battle of Franklin in 1864. On May 9, 1865, the consolidated regiment surrendered during the Battle of Fort Blakeley.

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Hi and congratulations. A draft blurb for this article is above. Thoughts, comments and edits from you or from anyone else interested are welcome. Gog the Mild (talk) 19:44, 28 February 2021 (UTC)

SandyGeorgia
That’s it ... this is mostly nitpicking, and some may not make sense :). Expect to support, Sandy Georgia (Talk)  21:32, 20 February 2021 (UTC)
 * Could we avoid “infantry regiment was an infantry regiment” by doing this?
 * From ... The 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment was an infantry regiment that served in the Confederate States Army during the American Civil War. Formed on April 28, 1862, the regiment did not see action at the Battle of Farmington on May 9, and the Battle of Iuka on September 19. As part of Brigadier General Martin E. Green's brigade, the regiment participated in three charges against Union lines on October 3, 1862, during the Second Battle of Corinth.
 * To ... The 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment was formed on April 28, 1862 and served in the Confederate States Army during the American Civil War. The infantry regiment did not see action at the Battle of Farmington on May 9, or the Battle of Iuka on September 19, but as part of Brigadier General Martin E. Green's brigade, it participated in three charges against Union lines on October 3, 1862, during the Second Battle of Corinth.
 * I've changed the "infantry regiment was an infantry regiment" as suggested. I've actually added a bit to the Farmington/Iuka sentence, as it just occurred to me that without some context, it seems rather odd to point out battles that the unit didn't fight in.
 * First instance, “Union lines” is undefined in the lead ... needs a link, Union (American Civil War). (Union is linked a few sentences later).
 * Moved the link up
 * To avoid the appearance of proseline (successive sentences starting with dates, could it be changed to ... The following day, the regiment joined with the rest of Green's brigade to attack the new Union lines.
 * Done
 * Almost every sentence in the lead starts with a date ... how about instead of ... On November 7, 1862, the regiment was combined with the 1st Missouri Infantry to form the 1st and 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment (Consolidated); the 4th Missouri Infantry ceased to exist as a separate unit. ... to ... The 4th Missouri Infantry ceased to exist as a separate unit when it was combined with the 1st Missouri Infantry to form the 1st and 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment (Consolidated) on November 4, 1862.
 * Done
 * I am having to click out to understand “exchanged” (as a unit) ... makes no sense to me ... article is talking about prisoner exchanges, so this should be made clear in text so I don’t have to click. ???  After a prisoner exchange, the released men rejoined ... ???
 * I've rephrased this to use the exact (and I think fairly familiar) phrase "prisoner exchange" both in the lead and where it appears in the body; is the new version an improvement?
 * I think we can simplify the first background sentence ... from ... When the American Civil War began in 1861, the state of Missouri was politically divided, with substantial portions of the population holding either pro-secession or anti-secession beliefs. to ... When the American Civil War began in 1861, the state of Missouri was politically divided between those supporting secession and those wishing to remain in the Union.
 * Done
 * I am not sure why we need “transferred by local railroads” why not just “transferred by railroad”? Why the wordiness?
 * I'm not sure why, either. Especially since whatever railroad you are using at the moment is likely the local railroad.  Simplified.
 * Have to click on muster to see what it means ... how about instead ... An accounting of the regiment’s troops during a May 5, 1962 muster listed 547 men. ... so “muster” is understood without clicking out ...
 * Done
 * Another opportunity to avoid starting a sentence/para with a date ... from ... On October 4, Green was promoted to divisional command due to Hébert falling ill. to ... After Hébert fell ill, Green was promoted to divisional command on October 4.
 * Done
 * Command of Green's brigade then fell to Colonel William H. Moore,[17] who led a charge against the inner Union line, with the objective of the attack a fortification known as Battery Powell ... Command of Green's brigade then fell to Colonel William H. Moore,[17] who led a charge against the inner Union line, in an effort to capture a fortification known as Battery Powell ... I am not following if they accomplished this or had to switch their objective.
 * Done
 * Don’t like “in total” because redundant ... how about from ... At Second Corinth, the 4th Missouri lost 15 men killed, 87 wounded, and 27 missing, for a total of 129.  ... to ...  At Second Corinth, the 4th Missouri lost 129 men: 15 killed, 87 wounded, and 27 missing.
 * Done