Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Cato June/archive1

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Good job on getting the infobox perfect per the template's parameters. I am impressed that you were able to provide such in depth info from his youth. Nice workCptnono (talk) 01:45, 16 November 2009 (UTC) The amount of papers you go through is apparent with all of the facts you have provided. It is a thorough and complete treatment of the subject. I made a second pass through and saw need for some minor clean up. Consider the notes below and make any needed corrections. I expect that I will be popping in later tonight or tomorrow to support this nomination. The other article looks like fun so I will check it out, too. Cptnono (talk) 07:21, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Muskogee being part of the Great Plains might be disputed. The source says "Oklahoma plains" and definitions of where the Great Plains start differs. Not a big concern but something to keep in mind.
 * Based on my basic understanding of the term we are not far off, although strict interpretation of the map in the link belies the statement. I will leave it and let locals fight about it who might know unless you upgrade this to a big concern.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:01, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "barren field" Dirt? bad grass? divots?
 * What is the question?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:01, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "Anacostia's field was a barren, rugged prairie known by players across the city as the 'dust bowl.'" It can't tell if the source is saying patchy grass, dirt, or whatever. "Poor" might be a good replacement since "barren" raises questions and isn't usually associated with sports fields.
 * I have quoted the source to leave out interpretation isssues.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:49, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "As a high schooler with aspirations of making a mark in the NFL like Deion Sanders, he left his mark by writing "Big Time 1" on things whenever the opportunity arose" Is " like Deion Sanders" needed in the line?
 * I was inferring from the end of sentence ref that he viewed Sanders as his role model. Is this too much of a stretch from the source.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:31, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * The source mentions the poster. This borders on assuming and it doesn't seem necessary for this particular line.
 * Revised to use less inference and let the reader decide.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:43, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Washington "Huskes" to "Huskies"
 * O.K. done--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:32, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "In his senior season, June was noted for his individual effort to stop a bootleg play against Notre Dame on September 14" Who noted/why noted?
 * The source says "After a great individual effort by Michigan safety Cato June to stop a bootleg by Notre Dame quarterback Carlyle Holiday with just over two minutes to play, the Wolverines got the ball back down 25-23 at their own 30-yard line."
 * Revised as "In his senior season, one of June's notable performances was his individual effort to stop a bootleg play against Notre Dame on September 14, which forced a change of possession to give Michigan the ball with just over two minutes remaining."--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:40, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Wikilink "American Football Conference Championship Game"?
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:49, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "...when the Colts got to..." "Got" is typically seen in simple English. Any alternative?
 * Changed to arrived at.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:44, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * wikilink "Bye (sports) "
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:42, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * The images in the Tampa Bay section pinch the text. Consider moving the second image down a paragraph.
 * It could be argued that the "June's first regular season interception..." image should be moved to the right so that the eyes are facing the text but I believe keeping chronological order and staggering them is more important so I would keep it on the left as is.
 * Image moved down.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:06, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * wikilink passing down
 * Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:17, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Consider breaking "June made his first interception, which led to a touchdown scoring drive, during his second game as a Buccaneer, which was a 31–14 victory against the New Orleans Saints" into two separate sentences.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:27, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Consider striking "Cato is a family name;" and relying on "The name is of Nigerian origin and goes back for generations in his family."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:41, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "goes goes" type-o
 * Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:41, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * " In college, June and Hobson were roommates. They were known for having Madden 2003 for Playstation in an apartment known as "The Stadium". Interesting stuff right there. Add a line of detail?
 * What are you asking me to add?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:43, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Striking but see below
 * "Boxing training workouts" This almost reads like familiar title or phrase but it isn't common. Consider adjusting "Boxing training during/style workouts "workouts that consist of boxing."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:49, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * You could tie this into the paragraph by mentioning his other NFL buddies (seems to be the theme of the paragraph)
 * Not sure what you mean.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:49, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * This paragraph seems to bee a few rabdom facts thrown in together. It is all interesting stuff but it needs an introductory line or tweaking to explain how individual facts are related. "Off the field..." or something cute like that.
 * Does the "‹See Tfd›" tag need to be visible to the reader?
 * That is a notice that will be visible while the TFD discussion is going on. It may last up to a week although I could easily see a WP:SNOW closing of the debate.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:22, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "When June was a member of the Buccaneers and the Colts had their Super Bowl ring ceremony, June flew to Indianapolis and back without missing any practice." Source might be dead (I'm having connection issues so can not verify). Are you trying to say that he has a good work ethic? This could use a quick line explaining its relevance.
 * I think I have fixed the link. It just seemed like an interesting fact.  Not sure what to add.  Suggestion?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:56, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "Bucs defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin said. 'Cato got his ring and then showed up here in time. That's how dedicated he is. He's a Buccaneer. He fits right in, plays with a lot of enthusiasm and loves football. He could have had an attitude, but he was very respectful of our veterans.'" - Maybe move this out of personal and into the Bucs section. He is a dedicated player is probably the most relevent peice of info to use. Cptnono (talk) 06:41, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:59, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * I do a lot of U of Michigan and Chicago area athletes and have trolled through a lot of newspaper archives to do so. For most guys who went to high school in the last ten or twenty years this kind of detail is easy to find with the source I use. I tend to do athletes off the beaten path.  I have not taken on athletes that are surefire HOF or anything where reviewing all their newspaper articles would be impossible.  Since I do athletes where you can read every newspaper article, starting with the first one I can find is pretty easy.  For Evan Turner, I was even able to find a youth league source and for Tate Forcier, I found stuff from his midget days.  I am still looking for someone who wants to help me overhaul Rob Pelinka.  If you want to do a co-nom, I would love some help overhauling his article.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:59, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * It mentions that he was a sophomore twice in the opening Early life paragraph. Is that needed?
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:34, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Is "$81,490 in current dollar terms" in the second paragraph of Early life up to date?
 * I believe the template is updated regularly by someone.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:36, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * This looks like it could be broken up and is too much info for one sentence: "He was selected as The Washington Post All-Met Defensive Player of the Year and USA Today District of Columbia Player of the Year and Second-team All-USA for not yielding a touchdown all season and collecting five interceptions (two for touchdowns), 84 solo tackles, 39 assists in addition to his offensive statistics, which included 889 yards and 12 touchdowns."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:15, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * 2 concerns in the later paragraph discussing his senior year of high school:
 * "June was also honored by the The Pigskin Club of Washington, D.C" should come before the basketball mention.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:58, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "He was a starting small forward on the three-time DCIAA championship basketball team." Should be moved to the next paragraph that discusses other sports he played his senior year.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 14:58, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "June graduated as salutatorian." Should this be moved up a paragraph along the other scholastic achievements? Alternately, it could stay as it is to close out the section.
 * I like it where it is to close out the section.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:12, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "At Michigan, defensive back June's head coach, Lloyd Carr, was a former defensive backs coach." This could cause confusion with him being a defensive back and the possessive being coupled. Wikilinks might be helpful for people who don't understand the structure. Maybe "As a defensive back at Michigan, June's head coach was the former coach for the position" or some other light rewording?
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:18, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "Although a total of nine starters were lost, June was a welcome addition to a lineup with eight returning defensive starters" (third paragraph of College section) could be read as contrasting the loss of 9 starters and him being a welcome addition instead of losing nine starters but keeping 8 others. Consider reworking to remove the "Although".
 * Reworded.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:22, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "and losing who Marcus Washington" in the second paragraph of Indianapolis Colts. "who" and "Marcus Washington" need to be swapped.
 * Good eye.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:24, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "June recorded two more interceptions, one of which changed the momentum of the game because quarterback Marc Bulger was injured trying to chase June, and both of which led to touchdowns as the Colts beat the St. Louis Rams 17–0." Consider separating this into two sentences. "...trying to chase June. Both interceptions led to.."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:26, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * The first Tampa Bay image does not need a period in the caption from my understanding of Captions. It is an extended nominal group not a sentence.
 * It is a complete sentence. If signs were signing it would be unnecessary.  Would you prefer that the caption was changed?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:28, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * "Over the course of the 2007 season June and Brooks divided up time at linebacker during nickel defense coverage." 3rd paragraph in the Tampa Bay section. Simply "divided is OK and "up" can be removed.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:29, 18 November 2009 (UTC)