Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Conservation of slow lorises/archive1

Comments by Sasata
Thank you for the thorough review! I wish I had your eye for copy-editing. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Slow lorises … are threatened by the wildlife trade, including … bushmeat." If you parse the lead sentence like this it sounds a bit odd... maybe "use as bushmeat"?
 * I'm fine with that. Changed. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Their conservation status was originally listed as "Least Concern" in 2000 because of the frequency in which these primates were found in animal markets and imprecise population surveys." How about putting the population surveys first (otherwise one might read it as the animals "were found in ... imprecise population surveys.")
 * Good point. Fixed. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * should spell out CITES on first use
 * The CITES article should probably be renamed as well... Anyway, it's done. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "…is used in traditional medicine to make everything from love potions to unproven cures…" use of the word "everything" doesn't sound encyclopaedic to use, how about something like "is used in traditional medicine to make products ranging from love potions to unproven cures" or similar?
 * You're a master at wording, as always. Changed. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Furthermore, a large number of slow lorises are traded" Don't think the initial "Furthermore" is needed (not so connected with prior sentence)
 * Removed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * we have an article on wildlife smuggling you may want to link to
 * Added for the word "trafficked". Good catch.  I missed that article when I searched. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Slow lorises lacking their teeth cannot be released into the wild." Sure they can. They'll probably die, but they can be released.
 * Good point. Re-worded. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Captive lorises also experience improper care and die from poor nutrition, stress, or infection." All of them do? Is there no facility in the world that knows how to properly take care of a slow loris? Would a qualifier like "most" or "many" be appropriate here?
 * That quote came from a section talking about the pet trade, but I made it more explicit and said "most" as you suggested just to be clear and fair. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Zoo populations of some species have not bred much recently" avoid using "recently"
 * Fixed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * add non-break spaces to the binomials throughout
 * Done. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * perhaps link national park, population density, aphrodisiac, gall bladder
 * Good suggestions. Done. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "to predict the remaining available habitat for lorises" -> slow lorises
 * I thought I had caught myself on all of those. I guess not.  Good catch. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Phnom Penh should be linked earlier
 * Fixed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Slow lorises are commonly used in traditional medicine across their geographic range, a trend that has been reported since at least 1900." Don't think "trend" is the right word here, how about "practice"?
 * Changed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * wow... the traditional medicine section is gruesome
 * By Western standards, yes. Don't forget that our concerns for animal welfare have mostly emerged within the last century or so. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * link black magic, asthma (earlier), rice wine
 * Done. I linked the second "rice wine" because the first one was "loris rice wine." –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * two consecutive sentence start with "In the case of"
 * Re-worded. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Dr. Nekaris" I thought it was standard practice to not include titles?
 * Didn't know that was a standard practice, but I'm fine with that. Fixed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * " In order to give the impression"
 * Removed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "Slow loris diets are poorly understood in the wild." but well-understood in captivity? Do you mean "The diets of wild slow lorises are poorly known"?
 * Changed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "One of the first documented cases of slow loris smuggling was documented" repetitious
 * Oops! Fixed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "San Francisco had found 15 slow lorises"
 * Removed. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * caption: "Primatologist Anna Nekaris, in 2009 discussing the misleading information posted on YouTube." What information was posted on YouTube? I though it was just videos?
 * YouTube allows comments underneath the videos. These are popular places to sound-off about a video.  If you want, I can try to find a way to work it into the article.  I originally created the caption because it was hard to work into the text and the quote seemed to say what needed to be said. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "only 23% of offenders (9 out of 39 cases)" please specify what the offence was (smuggling? trading? hunting?)
 * That's talking about smugglers. It's been fixed. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * "The illegal wildlife trade has seriously jeopardized a US$310 million investment program by the World Bank for East and Southeast Asia biodiversity." any more details about this?
 * The source reads: "The WB invested over 310 million US dollars (USD) in East and Southeast Asia on biodiversity conservation from 2000 to 2005; a recent report, however, identified that success in these programmes is seriously compromised by the illegal wildlife trade. They suggest that failure to address this problem may be an impediment to future funding." I've made an attempt to provide better detail.  Let me know what you think. –  VisionHolder  « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)
 * link husbandry earlier; link taxonomy, hybrid, sanctuary
 * Done. –  VisionHolder « talk » 03:00, 31 March 2011 (UTC)