Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Frank's Cock/archive1

Addressed comments from TBrandley
Comments


 * "short film directed" missing "that was" after "film"
 * Not done, as it would be bloat. "That was" is implied. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "directed and written" shouldn't "written" by first, I've seen that, and it seems to make more sense, per the fact it is more notable?
 * Sounds fine, done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "and written by Mike Hoolboom and" too many "and" in there. At the last one, I'd change it to "being produced by ...", etc.
 * Done, though not with your word. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "including Best" add "the" before "Best"
 * Changed — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "tender lover" is that neutral?
 * Check out the script. It's the narrator's POV. Calling the villains in Munich anything other than terrorists would be an overly strict interpretation of the policy. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "In turn, the narrator" don't understand the first part
 * Dropped "in turn"


 * Per MOS:ACRO, spell out "HIV" fully with brackets at the end
 * I think WP:COMMONNAME should trump this here, and even MOS:ACRO allows exceptions. Something like 99% of our readership knows what HIV/AIDS is, and the full name would only confuse the matter. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "1988 or 1989" why is the year in question? Can that be explained?
 * Per the source, "he forgets when". — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "describe the film" should be "described"?
 * That paragraph is in the narrative present, has been changed to the simple past. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * How is "Official Website" a work? Also, speaking of that, it should be the actual website name, not "Official Website"
 * Changed to mikehoolboom.com — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)


 * Second image requires the adding of alt text per MOS:IMAGES
 * Done

TBrandley 23:56, 8 November 2012 (UTC)
 * I think I got everything. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)