Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Herbie Hewett/archive1

Comments from Sarastro1, moved from Featured article candidates/Herbie Hewett/archive1 to save space.

Lead
 * "a belligerent left-handed opening batsman..." Belligerent is possibly cricket speak and may not be understood by the general reader.
 * Changed to 'battling' how's that?
 * Still a bit cricket-speak. Determined? Resillient (possibly the same problem)? Aggressive? (And are we talking Paul Collingwood battling or Jessop battling?)
 * I've left battling in for the moment: the greater of the two issues as I read it is the ambiguity between the two styles of 'battling' as you identified. I've quite significantly rewritten the opening paragraph: can you cast your eye over it once more, it has all the same information, but hopefully it flows a little better now.  Harrias  talk 21:22, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I think this works better, and batting fits a little more. --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:38, 13 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "but was also inclined to be argumentative off the pitch..." By the sounds of it, on the pitch as well. Also, "also inclined to be" is not really necessary. And I'm not sure that this connects with the rest of the sentence, which concerns his batting and this is irrelevant to his argumentativeness. Would this fact link better with his captaincy?
 * "demoralising the best bowling" Presumably the bowlers, rather than the bowling, would be demoralised.
 * Changed to bowlers.


 * "score a large total in a short time": Very minor, and ignore it if you like, but what about "make/hit/post a large score in a short time"?
 * Changed as suggested.


 * "on the game" possibly unnecessary?
 * Removed.


 * "However, in 1889 he was made captain..." However may not be the best word. Even so? Nevertheless?
 * Changed to 'even so'.


 * "He remained as Somerset captain" "as" unnecessary?
 * Removed.


 * "In 1892, they put on 346...": "they put on" may be better as "scored" or "shared a partnership".
 * Changed to 'shared a partnership'


 * "The stand remains...": Needs a date, i.e. "...as of February 2011"
 * Added as a footnote.
 * Works for me, but some people prefer it to be in the main text. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:13, 11 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I'd rather take the fact out than have it in the main text to be honest: my personal opinion is that having "as of" makes the encyclopaedia look tacky and dated.  Harrias  talk 11:07, 13 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "He continued to play first-class cricket for three more years..." "Continued" not necessary, reads better as "played first-class cricket for..."
 * Changed as suggested.


 * "Another disagreement that centred on a wet pitch when captaining an "England XI" at Scarborough prompted Hewett to feel insulted, and he left the match at lunch-time on the first day.": Long sentence which is a little difficult to follow.
 * Have completely rewritten this bit. Hopefully it scans better now.  Harrias  talk 09:38, 11 February 2011 (UTC)

Early life


 * "house match": Any links for this?
 * Linked house.


 * Any more details on his school career? The fact he played for Harrow would be a big plus in his favour at the time. For example, any school averages?
 * Not from me!
 * I won't strike this yet, just in case Nigej or someone else can dig this out. However, this is not something I would oppose over! --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:13, 11 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Done by Nigej. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:51, 14 February 2011 (UTC)

Oxford and Somerset (1884–1888)


 * "and also claimed two wickets, his only ones in first-class cricket" "the only two wickets in first-class cricket" may sound better.
 * Tweaked.


 * "at a batting average of 35.28; one of seven seasons": not sure about semi-colon.
 * What would you suggest as an alternative? Just a comma?
 * A comma would work. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:13, 11 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Changed to a comma.  Harrias  talk 11:07, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Captaining Somerset


 * Seasickness: over-detailed? It isn't really relevant for his performances, as while Woods blamed the journey for the loss, Hewett did relatively well.
 * Maybe, but given we know relatively little about Hewett the person, I was quite interested in even the smallest glimpse!  Harrias  talk 11:07, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Fair enough. I'm not sure I'd link it though. --Sarastro1 (talk) 13:04, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Batsman of the Year


 * "in three university matches during May": This suggests matches he played for the University, since he played for them before. "...matches against the Universities"?
 * Changed as suggested.  Harrias  talk 11:07, 13 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "The fall of Hewett's wicket brought to an end a partnership of 346, a record for the first wicket in first-class cricket, surpassing W.G. Grace and Bransby Cooper's 1869 total of 283.": What about merging with previous sentence: "Hewett scored 201 out of a partnership of 346, establishing a record for the first wicket in first-class cricket." The next sentence also needs dating, like the lead, "as of Feb 2011".
 * Changed as suggested, and added as a footnote again.  Harrias  talk 11:07, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Departure from Somerset
 * "returning to Taunton due to the death of his brother-in-law, George Wood replacing him as a substitute" On first glance, it reads like George Wood was his brother in law.
 * Have reworked this sentence a little to make it more clear: don't know if the new version is very good English though?  Harrias  talk 21:31, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I think it works; substitute is a noun and is the role Wood took, so it is correct. I think. --Sarastro1 (talk) 22:00, 13 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "..and with the talents of Sammy Woods": worth mentioning his Australian background?
 * Added Australian-born; not too sure how relevant it would be to go into too much detail on him also having played for Australia?  Harrias  talk 21:31, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Just realised it is a little ungrammatical. It may be better to say "with the Australian-born Sammy Woods playing for Somerset". Anyway, Australian-born is enough detail.
 * How about: "..and with the talented Australian-born Sammy Woods playing for Somerset, .."  Harrias  talk 22:16, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Just realised this is a noun-verbing, so fixed it. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:51, 14 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "but that his lack of self-control may have limited his long-term captaincy abilities" Abilities is not the right word. Prospects? I think the sentence is suggesting he would not have lasted long but for his temper?
 * Yeah, changed to prospects. Harrias  talk 21:31, 13 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "Hewett did not bother with such threats, and left the field, got changed and departed from the ground." Presumably he never returned, so it may be worth making explicit that he took no further part in the game.
 * Clarified.  Harrias  talk 22:21, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Later cricket career and life
 * "His obituary in The Times describes only Hewett's cricket career, and does not give any details about his later life. It does not mention a spouse or any children" Is this necessary?
 * It was recommended at the peer review.  Harrias  talk 22:21, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

General
 * How did Somerset perform during his captaincy in 1891 and 1893? And, reaching a bit, how good was his captaincy? what difference did it make? Working wonders with few stars or out of his depth? How was he regarded?
 * I've added a bit more about this (and slightly touching on the point below too) at the end of Personality and style. There isn't a great deal to work with, and this may be a bit too mechanical, but is it a move in the right direction?  Harrias  talk 22:57, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Seems pretty good. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:51, 14 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Also, the quote from Foot which ends with "unlike some of his predecessors": could more be made of this? If they were a bit of a rabble in playing terms before Hewett took over, could this be directly pointed out?
 * See above.  Harrias  talk 22:57, 13 February 2011 (UTC)


 * "Also" seems a little overused in places. Some of these could be cut.
 * Removed a few cases of 'also': those that are left I think are necessary?  Harrias  talk 22:57, 13 February 2011 (UTC)