Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Michael Collins (astronaut)/archive2

TFA blurb review
Michael Collins (born October 31, 1930) is a former astronaut and test pilot. Before enrolling in the U.S. Air Force Experimental Flight Test Pilot School at Edwards Air Force Base in 1960, he flew F-86 Sabre fighters at Chambley-Bussieres Air Base. His first spaceflight was on Gemini 10, practicing orbital rendezvous; his second was as the Command Module Pilot for Apollo 11. While he stayed in orbit around the Moon, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin left in the Apollo Lunar Module to make the first crewed landing on its surface. Collins is one of 24 people to have flown to the Moon. He was the seventeenth American in space and the first person to perform more than one spacewalk. He became the director of the National Air and Space Museum in 1971 and held this position until 1978, when he became undersecretary of the Smithsonian Institution. In 1980 he took a job as vice president of LTV Aerospace, and in 1985 started his own consulting firm.

Any thoughts or edits? - Dank (push to talk) 20:28, 11 April 2019 (UTC)

Here's my version: Michael Collins (born October 31, 1930) is a former astronaut and test pilot. He is one of 24 people to have flown to the Moon. He was the seventeenth American in space and the first person to perform more than one spacewalk. A 1960 graduate of the U.S. Air Force Experimental Flight Test Pilot School at Edwards Air Force Base, he became an astronaut in 1963. His first spaceflight was on Gemini 10 in 1966, during which he made two spacewalks; his second was as the Command Module Pilot of Apollo 11 in 1969. While he orbited the Moon in the Command Module Columbia, his crewmates Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin left in the Apollo Lunar Module to make the first crewed landing on its surface. Afterwards, he became Assistant Secretary of State for Public Affairs. In 1971, he became the director of the National Air and Space Museum. Under his guidance, the museum opened on time and on budget for the United States Bicentennial in 1976.


 * I didn't think his Air Force career was that remarkable, but wanted to mention his time at the State Department, and achievements at the NASM. Added name of his spacecraft and some dates, and pointed to the spacewalks on Gemini 10. Also, I don't think we need to link "Moon"; I'm pretty sure the readers know what it is.  Hawkeye7   (discuss)  22:19, 11 April 2019 (UTC)
 * Looks good, thanks. - Dank (push to talk) 23:58, 11 April 2019 (UTC)