Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Pale Crag Martin/archive1

Blurb
The pale crag martin (Ptyonoprogne obsoleta) is a bird in the swallow family that is resident in northern Africa and in southwestern Asia. It breeds in  mountains, other rocky areas and towns. It is 12 – long, with mainly brown plumage, paler below, and with white "windows" on the tail that show as it hunts along cliffs for flying insects. It builds a deep bowl or quarter-sphere nest on a flat surface, vertical rock face or wall. The nest is made with mud and lined with grass or feathers. Normally a solitary breeder, small groups may sometimes nest close together. The two or three eggs of a typical clutch are white with brown and grey blotches, and are incubated by both adults for 16–19 days prior to hatching. Both parents then feed the chicks. Fledging takes another 22–24 days. This species faces no major threats, and because of its large range and apparently increasing population, it is assessed as Least Concern on the IUCN Red List.

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

 * "It breeds mainly in the mountains, but also at lower altitudes, especially in rocky areas and around towns, and, unlike most swallows, it is often found far from water." - THat's a lot of commas. This should be reworded.
 * Now two sentences  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * Two paragraphs in a row starting "this martin"
 * Changed one  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * from near Cairo, Egypt. - Sounds odd to me, perhaps "found near" or "collected near".
 * "collected" now  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * Procne - Worth a redlink (Procne (Greek mythology) probably)?
 * OK, done  Jimfbleak  -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * The paragraph starting "The genus Ptyonoprogne is closely related" may be able to be worked into the paragraph before, not sure if that's desirable though
 * I'd rather keep separate, the taxonomy is quite hard going  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * it is now usually split as a separate species. - Considered a separate species?
 * Done  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * The Pale Crag Martin of the nominate subspecies P. o. obsoleta - You describe this one, but the other six are essentially left high and dry
 * The end of the first para of "Description" says The other subspecies differ from the nominate form as detailed in the table above I'm reluctant to itemise the fairly minor differences in what is bound to be stodgy and repetitive text as well as the table  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)
 * Alrighty. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:18, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * habitat - Wouldn't this be habitats?
 * Done  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * I guess I'll do a few more
 * Any reason for not sticking to exclusively templated references? The Peregrine Falcon one is still manual
 * Templated <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)
 * Argas (A.) africolumbae - What's with the parenthetical A.?
 * Don't know, removed <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak  - </b> talk to me?  15:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)
 * The Pale Crag Martin has a very large range of 5.9 million km - Shouldn't this be in the distribution section?
 * We invariably put the area in "Status" because a restricted or shrinking range is a factor that leads to various vulnerability assessments, and I don't want to repeat it under distribution, which is more about where it occurs than the extent of the range <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  16:06, 28 November 2012 (UTC)
 * It colonised southern Israel, - Would "It has colonised" work better?
 * Done<b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  16:06, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * That's it for today. Not finding much to pick at. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:15, 28 November 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for reviews and helpful comments <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  16:06, 28 November 2012 (UTC)


 * These martins (in behaviour) - Any reason for the change from the singular "this martin" to "these"?
 * No, changed <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:19, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * The clutch is usually two or three buff-white eggs blotched with sepia or grey-brown particularly, at the wide end. - I'm having trouble parsing this sentence. Perhaps the comma is misplaced? "The clutch is usually two or three buff-white eggs are blotched with sepia or grey-brown, particularly at the wide end."
 * stray comma from old edit, fixed as suggested <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:19, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * The average egg size for Asian birds - Anything for African birds?
 * The data for African birds invariably refers to the nominate subspecies of what is now the Rock Martin. Any differences between North African and Arabian eggs are likely to be minimal. I'll keep looking, but I'm not optimistic <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:19, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * "When breeding, birds often fly back and forth along a rock face catching insects in their bills and feed close to the nesting territory" - Perhaps "Breeding birds often feed close to their nesting territory, flying back and forth along a rock face catching insects in their bills" would read better?
 * Done as suggested <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:19, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * mosquitoes and other flies - Are mosquitoes flies?
 * Yes, family Culicidae of the fly order Diptera <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:19, 29 November 2012 (UTC)
 * I never knew that. Perhaps state diptera first; I don't think mosquitoes are recognised as flies in common usage. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 08:54, 29 November 2012 (UTC)
 * I've just taken out "and other". I had to check, so better to make it separate <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  09:55, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * A study of nine bird species, including four hirundines, showed that the more young there are in a nest, the more frequent are the parents' feeding visits, but the visits do not increase in proportion to the number of young. - Maybe it's because it's five a.m. here, but I'm not getting this sentence.
 * see next reply <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:26, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * subspecies of the Rock Martin (P. f. fusciventris) - Wouldn't this be "subspecies of the Rock Martin (P. o. fusciventris)" per your above comment? Or is it P. f. and thus not entirely relevant to the article? I don't see how this is directly related to the Pale Crag Martin
 * No, I've tried to shoehorn this in and it doesn't really work, removed paragraph <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  08:19, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * This is an astoundingly well written article and I followed really easily, despite having next to no background in the subject. Just a few minor (nit-picky, mostly) trifles. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:18, 28 November 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for kind words, I'm blushing <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak  - </b> talk to me?  08:26, 29 November 2012 (UTC)
 * The shame of the duplicated links! I ran the script, found the dups... and forgot :( <b style="font-family:chiller; color:red;"> Jimfbleak - </b> talk to me?  09:55, 29 November 2012 (UTC)