Wikipedia talk:Today's featured article/September 13, 2007

editprotected

Today's blurb is prone to fits of interesting English usage. Please consider some of the following changes:
 * 1) "Amanita phalloides is a deadly poisonous basidiomycete..." is redundant. "poisonous" is sufficient.
 * 2) "An adaptable organism, its range is expanding in other countries after it was accidentally..." is awkward. Also, what other countries?  Try rather "Adaptations have expanded its range outside of Europe after it was accidentally..."
 * 3) Wikilink mushrooms.
 * 4) "Unfortunately, these toxic mushrooms resemble several edible species commonly consumed by humans, increasing the risk of accidental ingestion." This is not what was meant to be said.  It is neigh impossible to ingest something as large as a mushroom accidentally; you would have to trip and fall in a very unlucky way.    Try instead, "Unfortunately, these toxic mushrooms resemble several edible species commonly consumed by humans, increasing the risk of accidental poisoning.'
 * 5) "A. phalloides has an infamous reputation for being one of the most poisonous of all known toadstools." Hyperbole, and contains needless words.   "A. phalloides is one of the most poisonous of all known toadstools."
 * 6) "It has been involved in a majority of human deaths..." Since there is only one majority here, "...the majority..." is best.
 * 7) "including several important historical figures such as the Roman Emperor Claudius and Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI." Subjective and needlessly wordy.  "...including the Roman Emperor Claudius and Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI."
 * 8) "No truly effective antidote is known." Redundant and oxymoronic.  "No antidote is known" suffices.

Below is the modified blurb. Cheers, &#10154; Hi DrNick ! 14:43, 12 September 2007 (UTC)



Amanita phalloides, commonly known as the death cap, is a poisonous basidiomycete fungus, one of many in the genus Amanita. Widely distributed across Europe, A. phalloides associates with various deciduous and coniferous trees. Adaptations have expanded its range outside of Europe after it was accidentally introduced alongside oak, chestnut, and pine. The large fruiting bodies (i.e. the mushrooms) appear in summer and autumn; the caps are generally greenish in colour, with a white stipe and gills. Unfortunately, these toxic mushrooms resemble several edible species commonly consumed by humans, increasing the risk of accidental poisoning. A. phalloides is one of the most poisonous of all known toadstools. It has been involved in the majority of human deaths from mushroom poisoning, including the Roman Emperor Claudius and Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI. It has been the subject of much research and many of its biologically active agents have been isolated. The principal toxic constituent is α-amanitin, which damages the liver and kidneys, often fatally. No antidote is known. (more...)

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 * It all looks reasonable to me. ✅ - auburn pilot   talk  19:13, 12 September 2007 (UTC)