Wikipedia talk:United States Education Program/Courses/Global Enterprise and Sustainable Development (Ming Xu)/Sandbox Brundtland Commission

We found this wikipedia page to be very complete and informative in terms of its content. This group subdivided the various elements of the topic into very concise and appropriate categories while still providing a sufficient and comprehensive overview of the Brundtland Commission.

Thus, we only have a few criticisms.

The first has to do with formatting. Wikipedia has automatically creates an index for the article at the top, so it is not necessary to have the sections listed as you do. Instead, it would be more appropriate to have the introduction section placed in that section before the index. It would also help the page to be more organized more if some of the headings were organized as sub-headings (for instance, "events before..." could go under "history").

In addition, although we are early in the assignment, it is important to cite things. We are sure your group is planning on doing this, but it would have been great to see some of them here as well. Also remember that figures / schemes are necessary for the final page.

One other criticism involves use of language. In the "History" section of this page, I found that the use of the word "we" made this page sound slightly informal and more like an opinion than a neutral article. This can easily be avoided by simply re-writing the statement in third person. Along the same lines, avoid phrases such as “it is surprising that” because they reflect the opinion of the writer.

There should also be more examples added to statements that state that progress has been made, or that something has occurred due to the influence/impact of the Brundtland commission. These statements should specifically explain what progress has been made or what the commission did in order to influence/impact the situation. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kcmarion (talk • contribs) 22:45, 27 November 2011 (UTC)

We would also like to see the "Sustainability Efforts" section subdivided into three categories based on content (i.e. economic, environmental, and social). While this is already done to some extent within the writing, it would be beneficial to simply headline these categories to make these topics more explicit within the Sustainability section.

Finally, it might be helpful to make information in some sections more concise, and then go into more detail. For example, the introduction, while informative, could place more emphasis on the function of the Brundtland Commision, rather than focusing on its prominent members. We use Wikipedia to get key information about complex topics quickly and this article features a lot of solid text. Use of bullet points could maybe break up some sections.

Overall, this group has done a great job on this page! 9.5/10