Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Backlog elimination drives/September 2023

My CE of Suguru Geto
Hi, I'd like some feedback of my copy edit of Suguru Geto. You can see the comparison of the original versus my revisions here. Thank you in advance. 123Writer talk 17:08, 4 September 2023 (UTC)
 * I only had time for a quick look, but it's a definite improvement. In the "Creation" section, though, "however" should have a comma before and after it; "underwhelmed" sounds unencyclopedic. Thanks for your help and all the best,  Mini  apolis  00:43, 5 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thank you, I've changed He however felt underwhelmed by the result to However, he was disappointed by the result. 123Writer talk 01:44, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

Instructions
If the article is from the GOCE Requests page, place *R (using plain text) after the word count. If it was tagged in XXXXX and XXXXX, place *O (using plain text) after the word count. What do the X's mean? I think the X's are meant to be changed to whatever the date range is, right? 123Writer talk 01:49, 5 September 2023 (UTC)


 * Also the Reviewers sign-up section has no content. I don't want to touch anything as I'm not a coord. 123Writer talk 01:50, 5 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Fixed. The XXXX appeared because whoever created the page either did not use the normal template or did not fill it in per my detailed but sometimes overbearing instructions. The instructions for the Reviewers sign-up section appear as a comment when you edit the section. That could be better, I imagine. – Jonesey95 (talk) 03:26, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

Copyedit for Technological Revolution
Courtesy link: Technological revolution I'd like some feedback on this article, if anyone is free to do so. It was tagged as a personal essay, which I think I changed most of, but I'm still not entirely sure if the tone is neutral enough. 267 03:55, 11 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Good work after a quick look, and thanks for your help. One change I'd make is to substitute "It" for "They" in "They have been shown to increase productivity and efficiency". Starting two consecutive sentences with "It" isn't ideal, but it agrees better with "A technological revolution" at the beginning of the paragraph. All the best,  Mini  apolis  20:01, 11 September 2023 (UTC)

Copyedit of Nakkeeran Gopal
For Nakkeeran Gopal, I would like some feedback for my copyedit, as I am not sure if the tone can be considered encyclopedic. Mox Eden (talk) 13:22, 14 September 2023 (UTC)
 * There is a lot that could still be improved: "shot to national fame" (came to...), "took interviews with sandalwood and ivory smuggler Veerappan" (interviewed sandalwood...), "hoodwinking the police" (eluding the...), "clearing a pre-university course" (completing a...), "he later graduated" (leave out "later"), "Apart from academics" (Apart from his academics), "involved in artworks" (involved in creating artworks). That's just the lead paragraph and the first paragraph of the following section. What you've done so far is taking it in the right direction, but there's still a lot that could be done. Dhtwiki (talk) 00:24, 15 September 2023 (UTC)

User:Area 51 Machan
Hi, I joined GOCE last month and began work on some of the articles in Category:Wikipedia articles needing copy edit from August 2022. I managed to eliminate three from the category and also made some progress with 2013–14 FC Basel season. I have been unavailable since the end of August and could not join this drive until now. I'm still not fully available but, last week, I saw the FC Basel article in my watchlist and was glad someone else was working on it. However, after checking the changes made by User:Area 51 Machan (A51), I had no alternative but to undo their edits and comment that a great deal of proofreading and copyediting is still required. The article had been removed from the August 2022 category and I have reinstated it. As I am interested in football, I will continue to develop the article when time allows.

This morning, I checked A51's edits again and I remain convinced that I was right to revert. I can give detailed reasons if necessary. I was by now aware of the drive so I thought I should look at A51's other contributions because, obviously, the whole point of the drive is to IMPROVE the articles, not make them worse. A51 has also edited Sultan Bathery, although that is in a later GOCE category, and has removed its copyedit template. To provide you with an example of the quality of his copyediting work (|see diff), he changed a sentence in the opening paragraph of the lead to It is one of Keralam's cleanest town. He also reduced the second paragraph to a single sentence which reads: Once known as a strategic location for defense in the Malabar region,it isnow known for its tourism and commercial activities. I've copyedited this article myself.

Adiramapattinam railway station, a very short stub, required attention from User:Mox Eden to fix A51's errors, especially in the lead paragraph. This article is now in good shape after Mox's work.

In Captain (2022 film), A51 has written Gourav patidar produced the film through his studio The Show People, with association of Think Studios and SNS Movie Production LLP and The Film earned 1000 crores in boxoffice from India. Again, aside from his own errors, the article needs much more work before it can be delisted. I have reverted his edit because it will be easier to copyedit the previous version.

In this edit, A51 has altered the second sentence in the lead section of R. Madhesh from the acceptable He is mainly known for his debut film Madhurey (2004) and Vijayakanth's 150th film Arasangam (2008). to the convoluted and incorrect He entered the film industry through the tamil film Madhurey (2004) and is mainly known for Arasangam (2008) which was Vijayakanth's 150th film.

In all these cases, A51 provides "updated" as his edit summary. This tells the reader nothing at all. He should be saying that he is copyediting the article as part of the GOCE drive and should certainly say he has removed the copyedit or grammar template whenever he has done so.

You rightly say in your conditions that participants must be competent in their use of English grammar, spelling and punctuation. Sorry if I seem harsh, but allowing someone like A51 to participate is completely defeating the object of the drive. PearlyGigs (talk) 10:36, 18 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the detailed analysis. It would be polite to notify the editor in question at User talk:Area 51 Machan, explaining why you reverted their changes. A link to this discussion, rather than repeating the above, is fine. – Jonesey95 (talk) 19:10, 18 September 2023 (UTC)
 * You're right. I should notify him directly and will do that. Thank you. PearlyGigs (talk) 19:16, 18 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Please see Help:Diff for creating diffs, which are easier to examine. Reverting and Revert only when necessary are essays, but have good advice; it's more tactful in a collaborative project like WP to correct, instead of reverting (which is more appropriate for vandalism). All the best,  Mini  apolis  19:47, 18 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thank you, Miniapolis, those are useful. I have these four articles on my watch now so I'll pick them up and try to improve them myself. I'm working on the Basel season review in any case. PearlyGigs (talk) 00:22, 19 September 2023 (UTC)

Request for review
First-timer here. Could someone please provide feedback on my CE of Evgenia Antipova? I can't put my finger on it but something about it feels off. -- Nsophiay (talk) 23:03, 18 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Looks improved to me. What about it feels "off" to you? Thanks for your help and all the best,  Mini  apolis  00:54, 19 September 2023 (UTC)
 * This sentence in the lead, maybe? She was known for her genre compositions, portraits, landscapes, and still life paintings, which she created using oils and watercolours. Among her favourite themes were apple orchards and Crimean landscapes. I'm not sure how to make the oils and watercolours part fit in. Thanks for taking a look! -- Nsophiay (talk) 16:17, 19 September 2023 (UTC)
 * I would just replace "using" with "with".  Mini  apolis  02:05, 20 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the feedback! -- Nsophiay (talk) 14:10, 21 September 2023 (UTC)

Add August 2023 request bonus?
Almost all of the June and July requests are answered, and the drive ends in about eight days. Tarantula TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 00:59, 23 September 2023 (UTC)
 * I'm seeing 39 left, from an original population of 154. We've done 75% of the articles (115/154) in 73% of the month (22/30), and the remaining ones are probably more time-consuming. I recommend waiting until the original months are actually cleared. – Jonesey95 (talk) 01:49, 23 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Seconding Jonesey's point, none of the six remaining August 2022 articles is less than 5,000 words in size, and two (the Marvel character lists) are 15k and 19k in size. Dhtwiki (talk) 05:29, 23 September 2023 (UTC)(edited 05:31, 23 September 2023 (UTC))
 * I agree with Jonesey and Dhtwiki. The most difficult articles are generally the last ones left on a backlog, but they still need to be done. Requests are important, but so is the backlog. All the best,  Mini  apolis  12:59, 23 September 2023 (UTC)