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Short description: American football player (born 1962)
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Thank you. My apologies if this is not the forum. Please delete: "preferring the stability of working as a sales representative for a wine company." as Mr. Shield immediately went to work in the Financial Services industry. Wisc1999 (talk) 18:51, 1 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Unless there is a reliable source indicating otherwise, Wikipedia should defer to the newspaper clipping from 1987: "sales representative for a wine company in Boston." However, since the current request is for removal rather than replacement, keeping that out as a disputed fact is acceptable. –Skywatcher68 (talk) 19:06, 1 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done; over to you! I like your writing style BTW; it reminds me of a modern version of User:Thebiguglyalien's current writing style for some reason. Template:LunaEatsTunaSig (talk), posted at 11:48, 25 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Da review:
Early life
"In high school, Shield" > "During his time there, Shield" – flows better.
I would wikilink most valuable player since it seems relevant enough, but I'll leave it up to you.
How about "and helped lead the team to two consecutive appearances in the state championship game, winning in 1978" – sounds better.
To better connect the last two sentences change the last one to "He then continued his education and participation in baseball and football at Worcester Academy in Massachusetts."
College career
"Shield attended Trinity College" > "Shield attended Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut" so that it is consistent with the other mentions of schools.
Wikilink passing yards.
"56%" > "56 percent" – for some reason (WP:PERCENT).
Because refs 4 and 5 are identical you should only keep the first and do pages = C1, C8 (or, alternatively, you can make the url = the first page and only do the external link for page C8).
Professional career
"Over 100 people, including family and friends" – I am being pedantic but "Over 100 people, including his family and friends".
"Shield was released" – I would use he here since Shield was just used as the last word in the previous sentence.
Moved from User_talk:ToBeFree