Talk:Burundi/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review[edit]

I cannot yet recommend Burundi for GA status for the following reasons:

General[edit]

  • The article moves between British and American spellings. Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article, such as: neighbor (A) (British: neighbour); favorite (A) (British: favourite); meter (A) (British: metre); pretense (A) (British: pretence); ization (A) (British: isation); analyze (A) (British: analyse).
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Not done There are still instances where the UK spellings are used (like neighbour) when US spellings are used (like program), and I'm pretty sure that "World Food Programme" uses the UK spelling no matter what -epicAdam (talk) 02:05, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I used British English throughout the whole article. bsrboy (talk) 12:06, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Could we stick to U.S. English? I significantly researched rewrote this article in American English. I nominated this for GA. I knew this was going to be placed on hold, and I would make the changes. However, bsrboy your changes are doing more harm than good with this article, and I would kindly ask you to stop doing so, because that would mean I would have more work to do. Thanks. miranda 12:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I promise I won't edit, unless it's vandalism. bsrboy (talk) 13:07, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

 Done miranda 14:27, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Make sure to provide data in U.S. standard converted into metric (or vice-versa). Your choice. Currently, the article is mixed.
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's highly recommended that citations appear after punctuation.
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done double-checked. miranda 14:27, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Images[edit]

  • Copyright: The coat of arms of Burundi does not appear to have a valid copyright. The supposed "author" of the work cannot legally release it into the public domain. Further, a previous version of the file had been deleted from Wikimedia Commons due to copyright violation. You may want to re-upload the file for use only on Wikimedia and provide a fair-use rationale.
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Not done I am actually working on that with the people on Wikimedia Commons right now. miranda 00:31, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I am e-mailing the embassy where the logo is taken from, and I will forward that to OTRS. Also, I have begun a discussion here. miranda 02:30, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Lead[edit]

  • Vague: "country's formation many centuries ago."
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Vague: "was occupied by Europeans" all Europeans? Say which countries
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Redundant: "Economically,"
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Redundant: "political civil wars"
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Non sequitur: "Predominately a Christian nation, Burundi's residents enjoy football as a favorite sport." How does playing football have anything to do with Christianity? Wikilink football so that it is not confused with American football.
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

History[edit]

  • Vague: "and provided the country's first language." Surely the land was occupied sometime between 70,000BC and 3,000BC, and that those people had some variation of language?
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • MoS: "sixteenth century." -> "16th century" (without wikilink)
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • MoS: "seventeenth century" -> "17th century" (without wikilink)
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • MoS: "nineteenth century" -> "19th century" (without wikilink)
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Vague: "The disputes eventually lead to European takeover, and in 1899, the kingdom of Burundi became a German colony."
    • How did the disputes lead to a takeover?
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Shouldn't this be in the next section about European takeover?
Used this as a transition for the next section. There were some grammar errors as well, and I have fixed those as well. miranda 18:55, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Oops, those grammar errors were mine. bsrboy (talk) 18:59, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Vague: "European influences caused major cultural differences within Burundi's formation." Wasn't Burundi already formed? What cultural differences? Source(s)?
 Done Influences from European countries transitioned Burundi into the twentieth century miranda 19:45, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Vicouriat of Kivu"
 Done clarified. miranda 19:11, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Later, Germany gave Burundi to Belgium in World War I in 1916." How/why did that happen? I know why, but other people may not.
 Done I explained. miranda 19:32, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Chiefdoms were in charge of land (pays)" What are pays?
 Done Deleted pays. They were in my notes and in the author's words. I was going to look it up, but alas did not have the time. miranda 19:44, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Source: "Allowing factions to occur in Burundi would be one of the main influences for Burundi's independence from Europe."
This is a transition sentence to the next paragraph. It's foreshadowing. miranda 02:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Redundant: "The 1950s and 1960s provided to be crucial decades to Burundi's independent development."
 Done The fifties and sixties were crucial decades for Burundi's independence. - I used. miranda 02:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Mwami Mwabusta" who??
 Done spelling error. This has been fixed. miranda 18:54, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Six months later, parties begin forming." How does separating the country lead to parties forming?
Parties forming helps to begin the move for independence. miranda 15:36, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: UNARU - don't leave abbreviations
 Done African National Union of Ruanda-Urundi miranda 15:51, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "During Burundi's fight for independence, unstableness in the Burundi-Rwanda region grew." What? The fight for independence hasn't even been mentioned yet in the article!
 Done clarified During Burundi's push towards being an independent nation, unstableness in the Burundi-Rwanda region grew between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes. miranda 15:49, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "In November 1959, a revolt occurred in Rwanda with Hutu teachers." What kind of revolt? Over what?
This is an example of the ethnic clashes b/n Hutus and Tutsis over occupation. During Burundi's fight for independence, unstableness in the Burundi-Rwanda region grew. As a result, ethnic persecution occurred between Hutus and Tutsis. For example, in November 1959, a revolt erupted in Rwanda between Hutu teachers and Tutsi soldiers over land possession. miranda 15:36, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "The Union for National Progress (UPRONA), a multi-ethnic party led by Tutsi Prince Louis Rwagasore and the Christian Democratic Party (PDC) was formed. Following an UPRONA victory in legislative elections, Prince Rwagasore was assassinated in 1961.[8] Ruanda-Urundi was changed to Burundi in 1962.[13] The country claimed independence in the same year on July 1.[8] King Mwambutsa IV was named the first ruler.[12]"
 Done The Union for National Progress (UPRONA), a multi-ethnic party led by Tutsi Prince Louis Rwagasore and Christian Democratic Party (PDC) members, became popular throughout Burundi. Following an UPRONA victory in legislative elections, Prince Rwagasore was assassinated in 1961 by a Greek national named Georges Kageorgis. The country claimed independence in July 1, 1962, thus legally changing names from Ruanda-Urundi to Burundi. miranda 15:27, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Prose here is just awful. Tighten up to improve flow.
Tried to improve this. miranda 05:02, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Why isn't this in the information about the civil war and independence?
 Done I moved the paragraph about independence in the European conquest section. miranda 15:27, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "During Mwambutsta's reign, ethnic violence occurred throughout the region, and the Hutus escaped to Rwanda to avoid persecution." Who and when?
 Done miranda 06:23, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "This revolution by the Hutus lasted from 1959 to 1962." What revolution? It hasn't even been mentioned before!
 Done During Mwambutsa's reign, ethnic violence occurred throughout the region, and from 1959 to 1962 the Hutus escaped to Rwanda to avoid persecution. miranda 06:17, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "In Rwanda, the Hutus murdered thousands of Tutsis, causing them to flee to Burundi While in Burundi, retaliation occurred. Many Tutsi soldiers killed Hutu peasants."
 Done In Rwanda, the Hutus murdered thousands of Tutsis, causing the Tutsis to flee to Burundi for freedom. While in Burundi, Tutsis fought against the Hutus. Many Tutsi soldiers killed Hutu peasants in retaliation for Hutu violence in Rwanda. miranda 15:27, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "As a result, an estimated quarter of a million people perished for almost thirty years." "for" -> "over"?
 Done As a result, an estimated 250,000 people perished for over thirty years. miranda
  • Revise: "The transitional government was placed on trial for five years, until 2005" You mean, in court? Or or a trial basis?
 Done The transitional government was placed on a trial basis for five years, until 2005. miranda 06:17, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "PALIPEHUTU-National Liberation Forces" Who are these guys? They're not mentioned before.
 Done As of 2008, the Burundian government is talking with the Hutu-led Palipehutu-National Liberation Forces (NLF). miranda 06:17, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Overall: So is Burundi at peace or not? The information seems vague as there are elections and unity government yet the article also says that there are ethnic tensions and what looks to be an ongoing civil conflict.
 Done They are continuing. I put To this day, conflicts between the Hutus and the Tutsis continue. miranda 06:17, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Politics[edit]

  • Redundant: "Over time, Burundi's political system has changed from a monarchy to a presidential representative democratic republic."
 Done Burundi's political system is a transitional presidential representative democratic republic and based upon a multi-party state. Burundi president is the head of state and head of government. Burundi currently has twenty-one registered parties. miranda 02:22, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "In 1992, Tutsi coup leader Pierre Buyoya established a system, where more parties could be involved with the political process instead of a single party." How so? Did he establish the 1992 constitution?
 Done In 1992, Tutsi coup leader Pierre Buyoya established a constitution,[30] which provided for a multi-party political process.[31] miranda 16:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Six years later on June 6, 1998, the constitution was ratified to include ramifications" What ramifications? Ramifications means "effects"... not sure it's the right word here.
 Done "changed" miranda 04:45, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: Don't use "first", "second", "third" (not necessary)
 Done deleted. miranda 19:47, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "transitional Senate serves an unlimited amount of years." What??? So Senators serve for life?
 Done explained. miranda 04:45, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: Is the President popularly elected?
 Done explained. miranda
  • Explain: "are located in three different sites."
 Done Three Courts of Appeals exist in Burundi and are directly below the Supreme Court. miranda 02:07, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Disambig: "2,638 collines (hills)" I don't think the wikilink for "hills" is meant to link to the geographic feature, is it? If so, it doesn't need to be wikilinked.
 Done deleted wikilink. miranda 15:27, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comment: The region's political system is unstable. Currently doing research for more facts to explain the region's politics, as they are quite complicated. miranda 19:47, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Geography[edit]

  • MoS: Makes sure there are non-breaking spaces here: "(8809 ft/2685 m)"
 Done bsrboy (talk) 19:30, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Source: "Called "the heart of Africa"," Who?
"Located in the center of Africa" miranda 12:53, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Convert: "230 square miles" also add non-breaking spaces
 Done bsrboy (talk) 19:30, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Economy[edit]

  • Explain: What is the country's GDP?
 Done bsrboy (talk) 19:20, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "arguably makes the Burundi the poorest country on the planet." It's not arguable. Burundi either is the poorest country on the planet, or it isn't.
 Done Due to economic conditions in the country, landlocked geography, and lack of resources, makes the Burundi one of the poorest countries on the planet. miranda 20:02, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise and source: "Coffee is the nation's biggest revenue earner with 78% of all exported goods."
That's in the Eggers's citation. miranda 20:02, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Coffee is the nation's biggest revenue earner, making up 78% of Burundi's exports. miranda 20:09, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Source: "(of which Burundi is one of the world's ten largest producers)"
 Done deleted miranda 14:09, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Convert: "Burundi's currency is the franc (BIF).[1]" Helpful to know how much it's worth.
 Done bsrboy (talk) 19:28, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Demographics[edit]

  • Explain: "However, The Anglican Church of Burundi[44] claims over 10% of the population as members and recent reports indicate the Christian population may be as high as 90% with most of the remainder being Muslim."
    • This information contradicts what was said in the previous sentence. Why providing both figures? Why the discrepancy?
 Done The Anglican Church of Burundi claims over 10% of the population as members. This was a run on sentence, and has been fixed. miranda 19:49, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Culture[edit]

  • Move: "Most Burundians live in rural areas, since six percent of the population live in urban areas." This belongs in demographics.
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "When several Burundians of close acquaintance meet for a gathering, impeke is a beer that is drank from a large container — each person receives a straw."
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Redundant: "Music and dance have influences in Burundi's culture."
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "high paced" -> "fast-paced"
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Revise: "For learning, Burundians rely on oral traditions."
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Many types of literary genre exist, such as imigani, indirimbo, amazina, and ivyivugo."
Ties into the literary/oral tradition. Fixed with Imigani, indirimbo, amazina, and ivyivugo are types of literary genres existing in Burundi. miranda 20:18, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Redundant: "As far as religion,"
 Done bsrboy (talk) 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I will put this article on hold in hopes of getting it up to GA standards; however, to be perfectly honest, the prose in this article, especially the history section, is currently sub-standard. Topics are introduced with little to no explanation. People, events, political parties, etc. seem just "stuck into" the text, without a previous mention. Further, there are some standard WP:MoS issues that need to be corrected. -epicAdam (talk) 21:15, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've done some of the things suggested. If anyone else wants to clean this up, I got down to the fifth bullet point on history. Thanks for the review. bsrboy (talk) 23:33, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Bsrboy, I am actually cleaning this up as well, since I nominated the article for GA. But thanks for your help. miranda 00:33, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, please take it in good faith. I'll leave you to it. bsrboy (talk) 00:42, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Second review[edit]

Lead:

  • "The country's modern name is derived from the Bantu language, Kirundi."
    • Does the name mean anything?
 Not done Chad, a featured article does not elaborate Chad's meaning. Just that the name comes from a lake. miranda 22:48, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • How long ago did people start calling it Burundi?
 Not done Redundant and not required. miranda 22:48, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Burundi was ruled as a kingdom by the Tutsis for over two hundred years."
    • From when to when? Dates are important.
 Not done The lead basically sums up the article. It is redundant to give dates if a separate article is provided, and the information will be explained below. miranda 08:39, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "which caused Burundi and Rwanda to be a European commonwealth known as Ruanda-Urundi."
    • Again, from when to when?
 Not done Redundant, see reasoning above. miranda 08:39, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Burundi is known as one of the ten poorest countries in the world."
    • How so? How is this calculated?
 Done linked to relevant article. miranda 01:20, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

 Done Sixty-two percent of Burundians. miranda 01:20, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

History:

  • "Up until the 17th century, the kingdom of Burundi expanded."
    • Expanded how??
 Done expanded in land size. miranda 01:29, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "For two hundred years, the Tutsi dynasty reigned."
    • Again, from when to when?
  • "The kingdom continued through lineages, until the late 19th century."
    • What?
 Done continued through dynasties. miranda 16:39, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done miranda 03:57, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he allied with the Germans to control his opponents[9] (Maconco and Birori) rebellions,"
    • What? This doesn't make any sense. Try to place the references after punctuation.
 Not done Two separate sources. Also opponents' with an apostrophe is possessive. miranda 03:57, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Vicouriat of Kivu"
    • I still have no idea what that is. As far as I can tell "Vicouriat" isn't even a word.
 Done fixed
  • What in the world is "Belgian League of Nations"?
 Done linked. miranda 01:30, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I think this is the wrong use for "League of Nations". The League of Nations did not belong to any one country. The term "Belgian League of Nations" makes it sounds like an organization similar to the British Commonwealth of Nations or the Francophonie. -epicAdam (talk) 16:43, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Following World War II, Ruanda-Urundi was a United Nations Trust Territory under Belgian administrative authority."
    • How was this different from its status after WWI?
 Not done I think readers can decipher that the Burundi changed possessions from Germany to Belgium. miranda 03:57, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On October 4, 1943, powers were split in the legislative division of Burundi's government. Chiefdoms were in charge of land, and lower sub-chiefdoms were established. Native authorities also had powers."
    • Explain how these created divisions. Were the Hutu in control of some chiefdoms and Tutsi in control of others?
 Done On October 4, 1943, powers were split in the legislative division of Burundi's government between chiefdoms and lower chiefdoms. miranda 22:28, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Burundi's ruler Mwami Mwambutsa IV"
    • Wait wait. I thought the country was under the control of the Belgians? If so, then who's this guy?
 DoneHowever, the Belgians allowed Ruanda-Urundi to continue the kingship dynasty. miranda 09:01, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Following an UPRONA victory in legislative elections, Prince Rwagasore was assassinated in 1961 by a Greek national named Georges Kageorgis.[1]"
    • What happened after this? Why a Greek guy? It seems like the country would have been thrown into turmoil.
 Done I deleted this because hardly any sources link to this to this fact. miranda 01:29, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Very Imortant: Incorporate the second paragraph under "Independence and civil war" into the first paragraph so the information flows chronologically. Currently, the prose jumps around and is still very confusing to readers.
 Done miranda 01:20, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I think you are confusing good article requirements with featured article requirements. miranda 01:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think so. Having clear prose is definitely a requirement for GA. The main differences between GAN and FAC are the quality of prose, the threshold for adequate sources, and the comprehensiveness of the information. Having said that, however, if information is presented, it should be explained clearly. I don't think providing a chronologically-ordered history section is too much to ask from a GA article. -epicAdam (talk) 16:43, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Politics

  • "Representation in the Transitional National Assembly is 60% Hutu, 40% Tutsi, 30% female, and 3 Batwa members."
    • Is this mandated by the constitution or just the way the voting fell into place?
Mandated by the constitution.  Done Changed: Fifty-two seats are controlled by other parties. Burundi's constitution mandates representation in the Transitional National Assembly to be consistent with 60% Hutu, 40% Tutsi, and 30% female members, as well as three Batwa members. miranda 21:33, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Members of the National Assembly are elected by popular vote."
    • Are they elected from single-member districts like in the U.S. or is it a parliamentary system?
 Done miranda 04:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Burundi's president appoints members to his Council of Ministers"
    • What members? Members of the Transitional Assembly or Senate?
 Done explains miranda 04:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "Six years later on June 6, 1998, the constitution was ratified to include ramifications" What ramifications? Ramifications means "effects"... not sure it's the right word here.
 Done Six years later, on June 6, 1998, the constitution was ratified, broadening the National Assembly's seats and making provisions for two vice presidents. Because of the Arusha Accord, Burundi enacted a transitional government in 2000.[32] miranda 22:21, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: "transitional Senate serves an unlimited amount of years." What??? So Senators serve for life?
 Done explained. miranda 04:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Explain: Is the President popularly elected?
 Done explained. miranda 04:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Economy

  • "Approximately 80% of Burundi's population lives below the poverty line."
    • What poverty line? Users have no idea what that means.
They should. However,  Done explained with Burundi's population live in poverty. miranda 08:39, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Second opinion[edit]

This biggest problem with this article, in my opinion, is that it does not meet 1a) of the good article criteria—"the prose is clear and the spelling and grammar are correct"—even after all of the work that's been done during this review so far. Here are a few examples:

  • "The country's modern name is derived from the Bantu language, Kirundi." Names don't derive from languages, they derive from words in languages. Does Burundi get its name from the name of the language?
' DoneThe name derives from Kirundi words. miranda 02:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
This actually caught me when I read it in the lead: which words? What do they mean? I think you'd be better off without this if you can't find any more detail. delldot talk 04:12, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I took the words out. miranda 21:34, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However, at the beginning of the twentieth century ...". In spite of being flagged above, there are still discrepancies between twentieth and 17th, for instance.
 Done I decided to use "twentieth", "seventeenth", etc. miranda 16:45, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The kingdom continued through lineages, until the late 19th century." No idea what "through lineages" means.
 Done fixed. miranda 16:49, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1948, Belgium allowed the formation and competition between political parties." Eh? "... allowed the formation ... between political parties"?
 Done In 1948, Belgium allowed the region to form political parties. miranda 08:01, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In April 2003, FRODEBU leader Domitien Ndayizeye had replaced Buyoya as Burundi's president." Had replaced?
 Done Deleted the word. miranda 06:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In order to end fighting between the Tutsis and the Hutus, steps towards peace were established." Seems almost tautological. "Establishing steps" doesn't seem very idiomatic either.
 Done To stop the Tutsis and the Hutus' fighting in Burundi, peace agreements were formed between both parties. miranda 08:24, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The current President of Burundi is Pierre Nkurunziza". As at when? 2008? Statements like that, that will date, should be avoided.
 Done As of 2008, the President of Burundi is Pierre Nkurunziza. miranda 02:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... 30% of the Senate must have female members". Must be made up of?
 Done Due to stipulations in Burundi's constitution, thirty-percent of Senate members must be female. miranda 16:49, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Nile is a major river in Burundi, where Lake Victoria is the source. Lake Victoria shared by three other countries—Kenya, Tanzania, and Uganda. Another river forked by Lake Victoria is the Kagera River." Doesn't really make sense.
 Done fixed. The Nile is a major river in Burundi.[36] Lake Victoria is also an important water source, which serves as a fork to the Kagera River.[37][38] Another major lake is Lake Tanganyika, located in Burundi's southwest corner. miranda 00:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The land is mostly agricultural or pasture, the creation of which has led to deforestation, soil erosion and habitat loss, due to rural populations." So which is it? Creation of agricultural land or pasture, or rural populations?
 Done Burundi's lands are mostly agricultural or pasture. Settlement by rural populations has led to deforestation, soil erosion and habitat loss. miranda 08:05, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

In summary, I think that this article still needs a great deal of work, and would benefit from the assistance of a strong copyeditor. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 22:18, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I agree with Malleus Fatuorum - the main issue is satisfying criterion 1a, and it would indeed be a great benefit if a strong copyeditor went through it - I see someone has begun copyediting already. This step would also be a start to bringing it up for considering at FAC at a later date. Ncmvocalist (talk) 09:49, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Since the article appears to be undergoing a pretty significant (but certainly needed) copy edit and peer review, I am going to end Burundi's GA nomination for now, but please renominate when the article is totally complete! Best, epicAdam (talk) 14:45, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I was done with the copyedit, and that was it from me as far as the review. Why not see if the points can be addressed rather than failing it before they are? delldot talk 15:05, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
That's okay, delldot. I will ask another GA reviewer who is very familiar with the process to GA review this article when I am done or others are done copyediting. miranda 20:24, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from delldot talk[edit]

Well done, and much respect for taking on this very difficult and important article! Some comments because I can't figure out how to fix them myself:

  • civil war erupted in Burundi throughout the middle twentieth century - Not sure about erupted used with throughout. If civil wars was plural, this would give the impression that they kept popping up. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done emerged. miranda 06:51, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can we have a parenthetical explanation for 'pygmoid'? delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I linked to pygmy. miranda 01:00, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • occupied the region and provided the country's first widespread language. - is there a better word than provided? delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done However, approximately 5,000 years ago, the Hutu, a Bantu-speaking people from the mountainous regions of central Africa, immigrated and provided Burundi's first language. miranda 01:00, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The kingdom continued through dynasties, until the late nineteenth century.--Can this be reworded? Continued through dynasties is vague and unclear. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done substituted with rulers. miranda 04:06, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Early settlement under History has a lot of choppy sentences. The last sentence wasn't totally clear; I reworded it, please rv me if I've changed the meaning. May want to clarify who/what Maconco and Birori were (political parties? Individuals?) What does 'take away Burundi's throne' mean? Is this referring to the King? delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Kind of fixed the flow. They were the king's opponents. miranda 01:01, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 1948, Belgium allowed the formation and competition between political parties.--Awkward, can't think of how to reword though. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done In 1948, Belgium allowed the region to form political parties. miranda 08:02, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Clarify that Rwanda and Burundi together comprised Ruanda-Urundi in the first paragraph under European conquest; it's not clear until the third. I think a clarification early in this section of what the countries' relationship was would be helpful. The third paragraph discusses refugees entering Burundi from Rwanda before 'the country' gained its independence--wouldn't they still have been one country then? delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done adnarim 00:39, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Six months later, political parties formed in order to bring attention to Burundi's independence from European control.--I'm not sure this sentence is accurate. To gain support for the movement to gain independence maybe? delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done reworded. adnarim 00:27, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Following an UPRONA victory in legislative elections, Prince Rwagasore was assassinated in 1961 by a Greek national named Georges Kageorgis.[7] The country claimed independence in July 1, 1962,[7] and legally changed its name from Ruanda-Urundi to Burundi. - this appears to be a non-sequitur, or else I'm missing the significance of the assassination. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done deleted. adnarim 00:27, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is it intentional that the article sometimes uses 'the Hutu' and sometimes 'the Hutus'? delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done singular. adnarim 22:48, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • There's repetition of some facts from the previous subsection in Independence and civil war, e.g. the assassination, the refugees. Maybe it would be helpful to arbitrarily select a year to stop one subsection and start another. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I moved the last paragraph to the next section to make sense. adnarim 23:52, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done FRODEBU leader Melchior Ndadaye, a Hutu, became Burundi's first elected President. miranda 07:54, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The killing was a pretense for the Tutsi army to start a new genocide against the Hutu. Tutsi extremists massacred thousands of Hutu civilians. - sounds kind of pov. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Ndadaye's murder strained ethnic relations between the Hutu and Tusi, which resulted in a mass amount of Burundians killed. miranda 08:14, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The August 2000 peace deal info is repeated in Peace agreement and present day from the previous section. So is Fighting between the Tutsis and Hutus continues to the present day. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
 Done miranda 22:27, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, I meant to just give this a copy edit, but ended up not being able to resist giving it a review too. I'll come back with more tomorrow if you want. delldot talk 05:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I moved this sentence to group it with other discussion of agriculture products: The nation's largest source of revenue is coffee, which makes up 78% of Burundi's exports. I wasn't sure if the ref from the next sentence covered it too, so I didn't copy the ref to this sentence. Either way, it needs a reference from somewhere. delldot talk 13:41, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

 Done Fixed ref. and data. miranda 21:20, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

More comments:

  • Citation needed for this sentence: Roughly 85% of the population are of Hutu ethnic origin, and 15% of the remaining population are Tutsi. delldot talk 13:58, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Cite 49 covers that. miranda 08:27, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The reader expects to read something about Batwa in the Demographics section because there's the image there. delldot talk 13:58, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I deleted that image and placed some new ones. miranda 08:27, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  1. ^ Cite error: The named reference state was invoked but never defined (see the help page).
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Burundi/GA1&oldid=1136302178"