Talk:Dany Bahar/Archives/2016

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Suggested Changes

Hi. If somebody could please review my suggested changes to the Dany Bahar article, outlined in more detail below. My additional content and references have been highlighted in bold and are focused on the Personal Background and Career sections of the article.
If you have any questions then do contact me on my Talk Page. Many thanks Vivj2012 (talk) 17:00, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Personal Background

Dany Bahar grew up in the picturesque Swiss town of Silvaplana following his parents relocation not long after his birth. He is married to Anett Johansson (daughter of recruiter Björn Johansson) with whom he has three children. Dany divides his time between Switzerland, where he holds citizenship, Austria and Dubai, balancing family life with various business interests.[1]

Career

He achieved a Bachelor in Economics and Marketing and then went on to gain an MBA in Economics and Marketing studying in both Vienna and Geneva.[2] In the early 90's, he began his professional sports marketing career working in inline-skating before moving on to work for the President of the International Roller Sports Federation.[3] In mid-2001 Dany Bahar began working for the Fritz Kaiser Group (FKG), a wealth management company based in Lichtenstein. At FKG, Bahar took on the responsibility for some of the company’s most important client accounts including that of Red Bull owner Dietrich Mateschitz. [4] Mateschitz recruited Bahar in late 2002, making him Head of Corporate Projects Business at Red Bull GmbH with responsibility for overall corporate business development and branding. During his time at Red Bull, Bahar led the diversification of the brand into NASCAR and football with the acquisition of teams in Salzburg, New York and Ghana.[5] He also orchestrated Red Bull’s purchase of the Jaguar and Minardi F1 teams, which were rebranded as Red Bull Racing and Scuderia Toro Rosso. [6] In 2006 a move to Ferrari followed where Bahar took on the role of Senior Vice President, Commercial and Brand responsible for worldwide car sales and aftersales. In addition to this, Bahar oversaw the road car and F1 marketing activities, licensing and merchandising.[7] Bahar’s emphasis at Ferrari was ensuring that the products were client-led rather than engineering-led and ensuring that the needs of the client were paramount. He took a fresh outlook to Ferrari’s traditional approach to activities such as car launches with the online launch of the California allowing the car maker to appeal to a wider, younger audience. Bahar also increased the merchandising activity. In 2009 Bahar was approached by Group Lotus owners Proton Holdings Behad. After putting together a five-year business plan to return the company to profit, Bahar accepted the offer and began his tenure as Chief Executive Officer of Group Lotus where he remained in charge until June 2012.[8] [9]

References

  1. ^ Inside Parade Platz
  2. ^ Auto Blog
  3. ^ Bilanz
  4. ^ Girl racer Girl Racer
  5. ^ Auto Blog
  6. ^ italiaspeed.com
  7. ^ Auto Blog
  8. ^ Evening News 24
  9. ^ Auto Blog
information Note:This change needs much work to be accepted. Firstly the references need to be fixed then we will address the neutrality issues. Use Reflist talk. If you really want to make changes to this article you will need to improve your wiki knowledge.Geremy Hebert (talk | contribs) 23:25, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
There are a few suggestions I would put forward with these changes:
  1. As per Geremy's suggestions, you need some help with writing footnotes. Help:Footnotes is a good place to start, as is the template documentation at {{Cite web}}.
  2. It's difficult for non-German speakers to evaluate whether these references [1] [2] are reliable sources. Perhaps someone fluent in German who is listed in the Local Embassy can assist with this.
  3. This source [3] is to a message forum, which is a self=published source and not considered reliable. It mentions information from "Italispeed" so if that source can be located, link to it and then it's reliability can be evaluated.
  4. This source [4] looks like a press release aggregator and the actual source is here [5].
  5. Adjectives like "renowned", "reputable", "right hand man" and "driving force" are considered peacock terms because they only serve to inflate the importance of what they're describing instead of imparting objective information.
I would rewrite your submission with these suggestions and resubmit it here for further evalution. --Drm310 (talk) 00:00, 3 March 2013 (UTC)

I've been asked about the reliability of the cited sources. Bilanz.ch is a reputed Swiss financial news magazine, and a reliable source. insideparadeplatz.ch is probably ... semi-reliable: it's a news website run by a veteran economic affairs journalist, de:Lukas Hässig, who has been associated with noted scoops as well as some reporting failures, according to the sources cited in the de.wp article. It has no editorial oversight, but meets the conditions of WP:SPS: "Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established expert on the subject matter, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable third-party publications."  Sandstein  20:03, 3 March 2013 (UTC)

information Note:Reads much better now and is a concise rendition of what's already in the article. The only two remaining hang ups I see at this time are
1) the use of the term headhunter. Although business oriented minds may very well be familiar with this term I think the word recruiter or recruited would be more suitable for mass consumption on Wikipedia. It's a lowest common denominator issue. We can't use the wikified headhunter because it leads to a disambiguation page.
2)That lead sentence is just one long run-on sentence with no less than 4 commas. Chop up that Personal background and fill it out with some content. I know you're in PR and this must seem like shackles on your wrists. A watered-down version of what's best for your client but this is Wikipedia. A powerful tool if used right, no doubt. There are caveats to using the website ranked 7 in traffic in the US, 6th in Global traffic[1]. This current submission, although not the fanfare common from the PR engine will most likely be approved by unassociated editors. Another to consider is an infobox and get a nice picture of him up if you wish. That wouldn't by against NPOV policy. Upload it to wikicommons.Geremy Hebert (talk | contribs) 15:34, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

References

  1. ^ http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/wikipedia.org#

Hi Geremy, thanks for these further suggestions – I've now made those changes. Let me know when you're happy for me to update the article accordingly. On your last point concerning PR – my primary intention has been to remove glaring inaccuracies, inserted anonymously, that had compromised the article and which no other users were in any hurry to rectify. We have met with Jimmy Wales in person; our relationship with Wikipedia is completely transparent and we are fully aware that working with the community is the only way to go. No one’s being shackled here – I appreciate your help and understand and respect the caveats you're talking about. Thanks again.Vivj2012 (talk) 16:55, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

You don't need my permission to proceed you've followed SOP to avoid action against you. You've satisfied the concerns of the editors involved, thanks for contacting me.Geremy Hebert (talk | contribs) 13:31, 5 March 2013 (UTC)
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