Talk:Dirrty/GA3

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Chasewc91 (talk · contribs) 20:28, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I will begin reviewing this article shortly. Chase (talk | contributions) 20:28, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
See comments below (and note that more will be added later).

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
Drop "and legacy" from the music video reception section. It comes across as puffery and just "Reception" sums up the section.
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
Refs 117, 121, 125, and 127 are bare URLs. Is there a web version of ref 13 (Boston Globe) that can be accessed?

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
Aguilera was displeased with not taking control over her own image, therefore desiring to create a "down and dirty" song that would represent her "real" persona. Quotations always need to be cited, even in the lead. (You can replace the second quote with "authentic," sans quotes.)

C. It contains no original research:
"Dirrty" received mixed reviews from music critics. – SYNTH violation since there's no source that summarizes the reviews. "Dirrty" was Aguilera's first single to fail to enter the top twenty of the US Billboard Hot 100. – This may be factually accurate, but this is insignificant unless this fact has been reported by a source. This implies commercial failure, which should be gauged by sources, not Wikipedia editors. Likewise, The single was a commercial success outside the United States. is unsourced. Make sure to fix these issues in the lead as well.

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
The second paragraph of "Development" is more about the Stripped album than the song.
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
There is no need for an audio sample unless it illustrates a specific musical aspect of the song (not its genre) described in the section. Otherwise it falls WP:NFCC#8, as its inclusion does not take away from the reader's understanding of the song.

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
On hold until the above issues are addressed. Chase (talk | contributions) 21:45, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Since there weren't many glaring grammatical errors in the rest of the article that I didn't look at beforehand, I went ahead and copyedited the rest. Prose should be fine.

Here's what's left:

Unless a specific part of the music needs to be demonstrated to the reader with a sample, the sample fails NFCC and needs to be removed. We don't include samples for the sake of including them, or to ensure readers are at the correct article.
The bare URL references still need to be filled out with a citation template.
Synthesis/original research issues are still present.

Chase (talk | contributions) 20:31, 25 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Prose comments[edit]

Lead

"Dirrty" is a song recorded by American singer Christina Aguilera and rapper Redman – Why is Aguilera's nationality relevant and not Redman's? Either don't include it for either or include it for both. To avoid repetition, you can say something along the lines of "American musical artists Christina Aguilera and Redman".
Despite the successful career debut from 1999 to 2001 – Despite Aguilera's first three years of commercial success or some variant would be clearer.
displeased with not taking control over her own image – displeased with the lack of control over her image.
therefore desiring to create a "down and dirty" song that would represent her "real" persona. – This should be a new sentence, starting with In response, Aguilera desired... or some variant. (Note the suggestion to replace the second quote above.)
suggested utilizing Redman's 2001 song ... as a guide – should be "using" in this context.
The final result is "Dirrty" – The final result, "Dirrty", ... reads better.
Lyrically, the song is about sexual activities. – implied. remove.
"Dirrty" was sent to US radio stations in September 2002 by RCA Records – avoid passive voice and rewrite this: RCA Records sent the song to American radio stations in September 2002.
It was later made available for CD sales in October and November 2002 by RCA and Sony Music Entertainment. – again, avoid passive voice. RCA and Sony Music Entertainment later released the song as a CD single (avoid "in October and November" as this is confusing without further information)
A music video for "Dirrty" was directed by David LaChapelle and was intended to publicize Aguilera's new image, depicting several sexual fetishes, from mud wrestling to muscle worshipping. – Long, awkwardly worded sentence. The music video for "Dirrty", directed by David LaChapelle, was intended to publicize Aguilera's new image. It depicts sexual fetishes such as mud wrestling and muscle worshipping.
The controversial video eliminated her previous image as a bubblegum pop singer and generated criticism and a ban from Thai television stations owing to its overtly sexual content. Also long and can cause confusion. Consider The controversial video eliminated her image as a bubblegum pop singer. It received criticism from [specify] and was banned on Thai television due to its sexual content.
Justified and Stripped Tour (2003), The Stripped Tour (2003), and Back to Basics Tour (2006–08). – the Justified and Stripped Tour (2003), the Stripped Tour (2003), and the Back to Basics Tour (2006–08).

Development

American singer Christina Aguilera rose to prominence with the success of her August 1999 teen pop eponymous debut studio album, which peaked atop the US Billboard 200 and was certified eight times platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America. – Another run-on sentence. Replace the awkward her August 1999 teen pop eponymous debut album with her self-titled debut album and end the sentence there. Replace peaked atop with topped.
Despite the successes – Despite the success; we're talking about her album, are we not?
Aguilera was displeased with not being able to assume control over her own image but being marketed as what her then-manager Steve Kurtz desired – Aguilera was displeased with being marketed as her then-manager Steve Kurtz desired, and felt unable to control her image is clearer and more concise.
She told The Sydney Morning Herald her dissatisfaction with being a part of the late 1990s teen pop trend, "The label [RCA Records] wanted to push the cookie-cutter, [...] almost virginal kind of imagery that wasn't me. I really wanted to squirm away from that, because I really thought it was really fake and superficial and untrue of what I was about." – "...kind of imagery that wasn't me," Aguilera said. (who she told isn't particularly relevant) "I really wanted..."

(As noted above, you should remove the second paragraph here as it's not particularly relevant to the song.)

Aguilera desired to create a "down and dirty" song that would announce her new image; she therefore approached hip hop producer Rockwilder, who had worked with her on "Lady Marmalade", and suggested recording a song in the vein of Redman's 2001 hip hop song "Let's Get Dirty (I Can't Get in da Club)", resulting in "Dirrty" as a "near-remake" of its precursor. – Another run-on sentence. ...announce her new image. full stop. She approached hip hop producer Rockwilder ... "Let's Get dirty (I Can't Get in da Club". full stop. "Dirrty" ultimately became a "near-remake" of its predecessor. (and that quote needs to be attributed.)
Rapper Redman, though previously appeared on Eminem's 2001 song "Off the Wall", on which Eminem dissed Aguilera with the lyrics "Causin' terror to Christina Aguilera/ When I grab her by the hair and drag her across the Sahara," was featured on the song. – Not sure this is relevant since Redman didn't diss Aguilera in the song. If you're going to keep this, delete the lyrics.
Aguilera intended to use a misspelled title as a way to personalize the song – delete the bolded portion
The title "Dirrty" was described as a reflection of the music video: as Aguilera said, "gritty, like the video, [with] underground, illegal stuff going on". – The title reflects the music video, which Aguilera describes as "gritty, [with] underground, illegal stuff going on."

Music and lyrics

moderate fast – "moderately"
Aguilera's vocal range on the track spans from – delete
Redman's original "ape" sounds – paraphrase as "ape-like" (no quotes) or attribute the quote.
and "effective" overdubbing technique – and an "effective" overdubbing technique
The New York Times' Jon Pareles – you don't need to specify who he writes for if he is independently notable
that she achieved with her early works and decided – that she achieved with her early works, and decided

Release and commercial reception

Initially, the choice first single from Stripped as advised by RCA Records was the Linda Perry-written ballad "Beautiful", which was later released as the album's second single instead. – Long and unclear. RCA Records encouraged Aguilera to release the ballad (it doesn't matter to this article who wrote it) "Beautiful" as the first single from Stripped. Note that it was released as the second single after you explain Aguilera's decision to release "Dirrty".
The song was sent to US radio stations in September 2002 by RCA Records; passive voice, again. End the sentence and don't use a semicolon.
The single reached its peak at number 48 – The single peaked at number 48
Inconsistent usage of numbers ("forty-eight" vs. "48"); differs from lead
on the Top 40 Tracks. – delete
debuted at number one on the UK Singles Chart – debuted atop the UK Singles Chart

Critical response

labelled should be labeled; the former is primarily British usage and this article is about a song by two Americans.
deemed it as the best single – delete
And God knows I need people around me when listening to this song to pick me up off the floor. – delete this part of the quote; it's not that great of an excerpt.
Upon reviewing Aguilera's 2008 compilation album – delete
He further criticized that – He added that
found that it is unsuccessful attempt – found it to be an unsuccessful attempt

Music video

It was filmed between September 8–9 – It was filmed on September 8 and 9
more than 100 dancers were auditioned for the filming – more than 100 dancers auditioned
Aguilera wanted to make sure that she and LaChapelle had the same vision and to not make anything "glossy or pretty." – Aguilera wanted to make sure that she and LaChapelle had the same vision for the video, not wanting it to be "glossy or pretty."

I plan to finish looking at the "Music video" and "Live performances" sections later. In the meantime, please address the other issues. Chase (talk | contributions) 21:45, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Chasewc91:, I looked into it, and I'll say this: I fixed most of the issues you listed. That said, I have some questions.

Here's reference 13, but I don't know if this is useful since one must subscribe to read the full article.

That's fine. I was just curious. You don't need to change anything. A link in the ref may be helpful, but that's up to you. Chase (talk | contributions) 20:31, 25 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I don't know about the song sample; it could prove that the song article is correct, but everything else in the article confirms this, including links to the music video on YouTube.

See above. Chase (talk | contributions) 20:31, 25 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

For the Sydney Morning Herald quote, I fail to understand what you're getting at.

You got it. Chase (talk | contributions) 20:31, 25 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The second paragraph seems to be there to follow up how Aguilera managed to replace her management to allow Dirrty to happen.
For the bare URL references, they all seem to be accurate, since those are the charts listed and clicking the links does not give the year-end results.

See above.

Removed "down and dirty" from the lead.

Overall, thanks for the criticism. :-) -BRAINULATOR9 (TALK) 23:24, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Chasewc91:, I took care of the sample and synthesis problems, but which are the bare URLs you speak of? I think I moved around some references when I fixed your problems. -BRAINULATOR9 (TALK) 21:02, 25 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

114, 118, 122, and 124. Chase (talk | contributions) 17:06, 29 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Chasewc91: here's some things I want to say:

114 and 122: Clicking on the Dirrty link does not give direct year-end results.
118 and 124: Can't find better links since clicking Dirrty's entry gives nothing due to it being unarchived. I tried the current website, but I have no idea how to not get a bare URL there.
On the whole, the rest of the links of their type might as well be bare URLs, but what do you want me to do about it? Should I just remove those listings altogether? -BRAINULATOR9 (TALK) 21:23, 29 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Are you not aware of how the {{Cite web}} et al. templates work? "Bare URL" means that the ref is just a URL and doesn't have author, web page, publisher, or other such information. Chase (talk | contributions) 18:58, 3 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Chasewc91: Of course. I thought you meant that it links to the home page. Don't I feel dumb. Thanks for that, I fixed the last issue. -BRAINULATOR9 (TALK)

Great. Sorry this review took so long; I became busier than I expected to be. Congrats on this passing as a GA. Chase (talk | contributions) 20:39, 5 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Chasewc91: Thanks! It's fine, since any response is better than none at all. :-) -BRAINULATOR9 (TALK) 21:55, 5 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]