Talk:Doc Blanchard/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Hi, I'll be doing the good article review for the article over the next couple of days. If there are any questions, feel free to comment here as I've added this page to my watchlist. Alternately, you can leave a message on my talk page. Strikehold (talk) 22:55, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
- Good deal. This is my first GA nomination so I'm not ashamed to say I'm not too familiar with the process. I'll do what I can. - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 00:38, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- It's a straightforward process. Anyway, I've posted my comments below. You can reply beneath each one to let me know if you make a change based on them or if you disagree. All in all, the article looks pretty good, most of the comments are fairly minor things. Strikehold (talk) 01:35, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- I made some tweaks to the article, mostly things like combining some related lines into paragraphs. Take a look at my edits, and change as you feel necessary. Anyway, I think the article looks really good and meets the Good Article criteria. You did a great job on it, it's definitely a nice tribute for quite an interesting guy. Strikehold (talk) 00:59, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
- It's a straightforward process. Anyway, I've posted my comments below. You can reply beneath each one to let me know if you make a change based on them or if you disagree. All in all, the article looks pretty good, most of the comments are fairly minor things. Strikehold (talk) 01:35, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
General[edit]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 01:53, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- I think a portrait for the infobox would be good. Here is one option. That photo is public domain since it is the work of the U.S. Army (credited to Army Athletic Communications).
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:43, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- Per WP:Paragraph: "One-sentence paragraphs are unusually emphatic, and should be used sparingly." Since I do not believe emphasis is the intent here, some of these one liners could probably be combined into paragraphs. In my opinion, that'd give a more streamlined appearance.
Lead[edit]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 02:50, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- The lead is a little on the short side in my opinion. I would recommend expanding it a few sentences, with the goal of summarizing the rest of the article.
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:43, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- I would also recommend moving the last sentence of the lead to the main text.
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:43, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- It says he is known for playing at West Point, but does not explain what this is to an unfamiliar reader. I recommend also working it in somewhere that, in an athletics context, the teams are referred to simply as "Army". Doesn't have to be in the lead, but should be before or coincide with the first use of the term.
Army athletics section[edit]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:30, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- I recommend splitting off the first two paragraphs to an "Early years" or "Early life" section, as they address his life before he arrived at the USMA. I'd also rename the "Army athletics" section to something more general like "West Point career" or "College career". For the early life section, I would start off with the part about his father and include where and when Blanchard was born (information in the infobox).
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:30, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- Blanchard was also recruited by Fordham, worth a mention since they were also a powerhouse at the time.[1]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:30, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- Also worth a mention he played football at UNC on the freshman team (at the time, freshman were not yet allowed to play varsity football). An ESPN article says he attended there because his mother's cousin, Jim Tatum, was the head coach.[2]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:42, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- "During his three years at West Point..." I don't think this is correct. Since he graduated from West Point, I'm pretty sure he had to spend four years there (even though he transferred, all cadets have to spend four years there). The ESPN article said: "He sat out the 1943 season and then joined Davis at Army in 1944."[3]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:42, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- "..the tie being a legendary 0-0 game against Notre Dame..." I agree it was a legendary game, but think the term is subjective. One suggestion would be to say it was called "legendary" by XYZ or that it was called the "Game of the Century". The ESPN article is a reference for the latter term.
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:30, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- I like the first use of {{cquote}}, but the other three, being only one-line quotes, I think can be incorporated directly into the paragraphs. In my opinion, it would give a neater appearance and make the text flow easier.
Done
- Per WP:ENDASH, things like team win/loss records and game scores should use ndashes (– or
–) instead of hyphens (-). I went ahead and changed these.
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:42, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- Where you're talking about Blanchard being "Mr. Inside", it is probably worth mentioning Davis was nicknamed "Mr. Outside".
Done
- Per WP:MOS, full-length feature films should be italicized. I went ahead and changed this.
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 03:32, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- "Blanchard coached Army’s freshman team in the 1950s, but he never played professional football, choosing an Air Force career instead.[5]" I think this should be after the part about him also running track. I also think the second part, about never playing pro football, should go into the next section. The second line in the "Military career" section touches on the same thing.
Honors and memorials section[edit]
Done - ALLST✰R▼echo wuz here @ 01:55, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- Think this section should come after the "Death" section.