Talk:Laysan honeycreeper

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GA Review[edit]

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Laysan honeycreeper/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: FunkMonk (talk · contribs) 14:47, 16 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Esculenta (talk · contribs) 16:53, 23 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi FunkMonk, I'll do this review. Will take a few days. Also, let me know if this is heading to FAC and, if you'd like, I could be extra nitpicky. Esculenta (talk) 16:53, 23 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, yeah, FAC is the plan, so be as nitpicky as possible. Note I haven't done alt text yet, because I'll handle that inconvenience when I hit FAC... FunkMonk (talk) 19:27, 23 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Here's my review. The article is nicely researched, written, and illustrated; looks like you've done this before! Since there isn't much to be criticized with the article, I got very nitpicky in the commentary below, but feel free to push back on my suggestions. Haven't looked for other sources, or performed spot-checks (will do on next visit). Esculenta (talk) 02:02, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Nice, that'll sure be helpful when the time comes. It's a lot, so I'll fix it drip wise. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • "The bird was first noticed in 1828, and received its scientific name by Walter Rothschild in 1892, and was placed in the genus Himatione along with the ʻapapane." construction slightly awkward, suggest "… noticed in 1828, received its scientific name from Walter…"
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • " but was misspelled, and Rothschild attempted" suggest sentence break -> " but was misspelled. Rothschild later attempted"
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think the fact that Laysan is a coral island is notable/interesting enough to be mentioned in the lead
Added "Laysan is a remote coral island". FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The specific name, fraithii, refers to George D. Freeth," leaves me wondering who Freeth is
Added "the self-appointed governor of Laysan". FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a grouping within Carduelinae," suggest "a grouping within the finch subfamily Carduelinae,"
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • possibly useful links (this suggested list for entire article, not just lead): covert feather, iris, song, breeding season, introduced, naturalist, modifier, loan-words (also, confirm hyphenation), common name, nest, egg, sex ratio, coral island, clade, plumage, lineage, divergence, breeding season, substratum, topography, flora, down (from "brown down"), clutch
  • "This bird was very active, and while less confiding than other birds," I had to search the internet to unconfuse myself and realize that "wikt:confiding" has a birdwatching-specific meaning here; perhaps meaning that should be integrated into the text somehow.
  • "it sometimes entered buildings for moths" meaning slightly ambiguous … to hunt moths? … because moths coerced them?
Added "to hunt". FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • the precision of the length of the "typical" egg looks quite specific, and the first converted measurement has more implied accuracy than the input number (similar issue with the wing measurement above)
  • "extinction of 3 out of 5" numbers under ten should written out per MOS:NUMERAL
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 01:21, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • typically the synonymy list includes the authorities and years of publication, and it should include a citation in the "synonyms_ref" parameter
  • throughout the article, I notice the middle initial(s) of people are always given, and I question the value of this practice. Is there that much added value (disambiguatory or otherwise), e.g., in knowing Hugo Schauinsland's middle initial is "H"?
Well, it can be crucial for linking to the right articles if there are multiple persons with the same name. And if a person doesn't have an article and might get one in the future, it will be easier to track articles down where they could be linked to like this one, so I think it does more good than not. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Taxonomy

  • suggest non-breaking spaces in short-form binomial names to avoid unsightly line breaks (in image caption too)
  • "manager of the guano-mining there," feels like it's missing a word, maybe "manager of the guano-mining operations there,"
Added. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • ", and restricted Himatione to the red species; the ʻapapane and the Laysan honeycreeper." semicolon doesn't work here
Changed to comma. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • what year did Hartert consider the bird a subspecies of ʻapapane"?
1919, added. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • it appears that "Native Hawaiians" should be capitalized, based on the linked article
Done, and linked whole term. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • maybe also give the location of the museums that are mentioned, for prose confirmation of specimens found "in various museums across the world"
  • "Schauinsland considered the Laysan honeycreeper an example of how a new species may arise through isolation in 1899." Placement of year at end makes the sentence construction somewhat awkward. Also, I'm wondering if it's worthwhile to mention that this is know known as allopatric speciation?
  • the three extinct Laysan birds image needs to explain in the caption which are which
Added. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed, was capitalised in the source for some reason. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "(formerly spelled Drepanidae or Drepaniidae, which turned out to be preoccupied by a family of moths[16])" could be confusing to non-taxonomists, perhaps a bit more context like "(formerly spelled Drepanidae or Drepaniidae, a name which turned out to be nomenclaturally unavailable as it was preoccupied by a family of moths[16])", and link available name
  • italicize Palmeria
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and it was also considered a subspecies of the ʻapapane for most of this time, H. sanguinea freethii." suggest slight ordering tweak "and it was also considered a subspecies of the ʻapapane, H. sanguinea freethii, for most of this time."
  • "From 1893–1900, Rothschild published a three-part monograph" suggest "From 1893 to 1900" Why? When phrase is introduced with "from", reader expects "to", possible creating a slight cognitive dissonance as readers may briefly pause to interpret the symbol, and in formal writing words are often preferred over symbols for clarity and flow.
  • ""They speculated that if this bird could survive on Laysan, there could also have been a niche for a relative on the island of Nihoa." suggest "They speculated that if this bird could survive on Laysan, there could also be a niche for a relative on the island of Nihoa." or "They speculated that if this bird could have survived on Laysan, there might also have been a niche for a relative on the island of Nihoa." (verb tenses should stay consistent)
  • "The German superintendent of the guano operation, Max Schlemmer, introduced domestic rabbits, European hares, and guinea pigs to the island in 1903 to start a meat-canning business that would provide food for guano miners, but also to amuse his children." suggest "… guano miners and to amuse his children." the original use of "but" implies a contrast between the two purposes. However, there's no inherent contrast between providing food for miners and amusing his children; both can coexist without implying contradiction.

Description

  • "breeding-season" or "breeding season"?
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Habitat

  • "an area of 1.4 square miles, and the honeycreeper lived" suggest sentence break here.
  • "The island is roughly triangular" really? I don't see it; to me, it looks so "roughly" triangular as to quadrilateral!
  • "This bird was very active, and while less confiding than other birds, it sometimes entered buildings for moths and for roosting at night." suggest tweak of punctuation placement: "This bird was very active and, while less confiding than other birds, sometimes entered buildings for moths and for roosting at night."
  • "rises into up to 12 m (40 ft) high crest elevations" needs adj=on in convert template
  • "about one fifth of the island's center" needs hyphenation
  • "handnet"; "rain water"; "sea bird"? one word or two? sometimes the format of the linked article contradicts the format used in this article
  • "its bowl measured about 5.7 cm (2.25 in) across and 4.13 cm (1.625 in) in depth." there's something jarring with first saying "about" (which makes the reader anticipate approximation), and then giving such precise measurements. Note again, the precision inexplicably grows with the unit conversion (ditto egg measurements later).
  • "While the Laysan rail probably did not survive on the island for long after the storm, it had been introduced to Midway Atoll, but went extinct there too by 1945 because rats were introduced accidentally during US military construction." Is the implication that the rats killed the bird? Any more details on this (do rats kill birds directly, or steal eggs?)
Added "(which preyed on eggs, chicks, and perhaps adults)". FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Behavior and ecology

  • "The Laysan honeycreeper was nectarivorous and insectivorous, and unlike the ʻapapane, it also foraged on the ground."
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The bird does not seem to have been abundant when discovered, and was" suggest "The bird did not seem to be abundant when discovered and was"
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • FN4: translated title would be nice
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • probably best if ISBN hyphenation is consistent throughout
  • FN10: needs pp. & endash
Done. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • FN18: maybe a bit unusual to "et al." after a single author, considering other pubs get two authors listed
Automatically regenerated it with all authors. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • FN19: could use publication (or last update) date
Added. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • FN25: they'll want a more specific page range or number at FAC
  • FN26: could put doi-free as parameter to let readers know they can access that source (or link the PDF)
Isn't that already apparent from the linked title? There's a link to the PDF on the site.[1] I prefer linking to such sites rather than directly to PDFs to prevent automatic downloads. FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • FN32: the doi link says it's issue 85
Fixed (I think it was filled automatically). FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • a DEFAULTSORT template is unnecessary "if the article or page should be alphabetized according to its title (which is true for most articles)"
Removed, was there before I began work here. FunkMonk (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Images

  • all images and media have Wikipedia-compatible licenses
I've added two more photos:[2][3] FunkMonk (talk) 21:13, 29 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
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