Talk:LittleBigPlanet (2008 video game)/GA3

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review[edit]

GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: ProtoDrake (talk · contribs) 12:56, 7 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Hi, I'll take this on. If I'm not back in a week, ping me. --ProtoDrake (talk) 12:56, 7 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Lazman321:, a couple of things I noticed first, one small and one large. I'll probably get back with a more detailed review in a couple of days. --ProtoDrake (talk) 14:21, 11 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@ProtoDrakePlease sign your notices, Its difficult to reply to specific ones. PerryPerryD 01:52, 12 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@ProtoDrake: I believe I have addressed your initial concerns. Lazman321 (talk) 05:45, 12 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  •  Not done: The purpose of red links is to indicate topics that could have valid articles, and the only reason to remove a red link is if the topic shouldn't have an article. Both good articles and featured articles allow red links when they are valid. Boulevard de l'Independance has been reviewed by Stylus Magazine,[1] Exclaim!,[2] The Guardian,[3], BBC,[4], The Independent,[5] and The Times.[6] It is often mentioned in context of Toumani Diabate,[7][8] was #57 on Paste Magazine's best albums of 2006 list,[9] and it won "Album of the Year" in BBC's Awards for World Music.[10] All that, along with the "Tapha Niang" controversy mentioned in the article for LittleBigPlanet is evidence for the notability of this album. There's no reason to remove the red link. Lazman321 (talk) 05:45, 12 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • The reception section overall uses far too many quotes to be comfortable reading.
    • Also, this sentence: "The creative aspect of LittleBigPlanet has been widely praised by critics,[7] though some critics have noted how it takes patience to create a great level.[3][133]". Maybe find a paraphrase for "critics" in one instance to avoid repetition.
  •  Done: Removed the second instance of "critics". Lazman321 (talk) 05:45, 12 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
In this specific instance, simply removing the 2nd "critics' would be a good enough change here. — Preceding unsigned comment added by PerryPerryD (talk • contribs) 01:53, 12 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Full review[edit]

This is going to be a lot of little things more than anything.

Lead
  • "...platform game developed by British developer Media Molecule..." - Does the developer's location matter? Also having "developed" and "developer" so close together is repetitious.
  • "The player plays as Sackboy..." - Same problem as above, repetition.
  •  Done: Replaced "The player plays as" with "The player character is". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • " While initially, sales dwindled in 2008, LittleBigPlanet ultimately became commercially successful after 2009, reaching four million sales by 2018." - This feels like two types of sentences were stitched together with commas. Is there a way of rewriting this bit?
  •  Done: Rewrote sentence for better flow. Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Gameplay
  • How is Stephan Fry's contribution to the narrated tutorials part of gameplay?
  •  Done: Removed "narrated by Stephen Fry". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Synopsis
  • "LittleBigPlanet is set on a planet called LittleBigPlanet" - Maybe "planet of the same name" or "titular planet" would be better to avoid rapid-fire repetition.
  •  Done: Replaced "a planet call LittleBigPlanet" with "the titular planet". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • This isn't a point that technically holds the article back, but the plot's a real slog considering its contents.
  •  Done: Significantly cut down the plot section. Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Development
  • "they had only had a vague idea of what they game they wanted to create" - Replace with something like "they only had a vague of idea of what to create" or "they only had a vague idea of what game they wanted to create".
  • "They wanted to create an ambitious console-friendly game that utilised user-generated content, appealed to a broad audience, and proved that a small company could create a mainstream game." - Too many creates.
  •  Done: Replaced the second "create" with "develop". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • The entire second paragraph is replete with "They". Is there a way of paraphrasing or similar?
  •  Done: Replaced a few instances of "they" with either "Media Molecule" or "The company". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "they realised just how much backing Sony was devoted to the game" - Either "they realised just how much Sony was devoted to the game" or "they realised just how much backing Sony was giving the game", or something similar here.
  • "Healey relates that although the revelation of Sony's faith in the game boosted their confidence, additionally, it increased the pressure on them with the realisation that their task had become much greater than originally anticipated." - This sentence reads very awkwardly. Maybe a rewrite for clarity and flow.
  •  Done: Removed ", additionally," and separated it into two sentences. Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Design
  • "Healey served as the creative director, Ettouney served as the art director, and Evans and Smith served as the technical directors." - Repetition of "served".
  •  Done: Replaced "served as" with either "was" or "were". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Release
  • "Around May 2007, a demo of LittleBigPlanet was rumoured to be planned.[63]" - Think you should just say "rumoured", as saying there was a rumour of a plan sounds superfluous.
  • "Over the years, LittleBigPlanet and the franchise it spawned has garnered a large amount of DLC." - Is garnered the right word for DLC? I've only really seen it used for awards before.
  •  Done: Replaced "garnered" with "gather". Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@PerryPerryD and Lazman321: That's it. Mostly a lot of word repetition, and a few bits that seem left over from a blending of different rewrites. I think I'll put the article on hold for now. (Hope this ping reaches you this time.) --ProtoDrake (talk) 14:05, 12 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@ProtoDrake: I have done all your requests. Lazman321 (talk) 02:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@Lazman321: Pass. --ProtoDrake (talk) 13:53, 13 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:LittleBigPlanet_(2008_video_game)/GA3&oldid=1076893796"