Talk:Maggie Gyllenhaal/GA1

GA Review

Lead

• The lead ought to be merged into probably just two paragraphs per WP:LEAD. It's currently four, with the first paragraph just one sentence.

• Looks fine now. Just one thing though - you've got five Gyllenhaal's to refer to her. I'd change the last one in each par to just she otherwise it's a bit repetitive. Peanut4 (talk) 15:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

• How 'bout now? --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 03:33, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Early life

• You probably ought to mention her brother in this section. Especially since he is mentioned in the first lines of her career.

• Again fine, but the sentence now has "brother" in twice, second time to refer to Donnie Darko. To be honest, I don't think you need to mention Donnie Darko in this par - it's mentioned in the lead, and correctly mentioned in career. Peanut4 (talk) 15:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

• Alright, how 'bout now? --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 03:33, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Career

• "antifeminist" Should this by hyphenated?
  • I think so. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 15:59, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
• "Although impressed with the script, Gyllenhaal initially had some qualms about doing the film, which she believed could deliver an antifeminist message. But after carefully discussing the script with the film's director, Steven Shainberg, she agreed to join the project." This needs referencing. Struck out comment, have undone an edit by an IP. Hopefully okay now?
• It won't affect whether a GA pass/fail, but I think this section needs either a copyedit or some tinkering to the format. It isn't clear whether it's in chronological order or arranged by genre, e.g. film, theatre, modelling, etc.
  • I fixed the order of her films/theatre/modeling. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 16:12, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

• It looks good. I'm not sure it's a bad thing but there are a high number of short paragraphs. I suppose that shows there is plenty of room for expansion and attempt an FAC at some point in the near future. Peanut4 (talk) 15:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

• I merged a paragraph. I don't know if that made a change. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 03:33, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Personal life

• "Sarsgaard is close friends with her brother Jake." I think her should be changed to Gyllenhaal.
• "Trickle Up.org" Is this right with a space? If it's a web address, I would expect it to be one word.
  • Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 16:15, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

I presume there are no more images available? Peanut4 (talk) 13:04, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

No, but I am looking, though. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 16:37, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

I added an image. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 16:15, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Final review

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Everything looks good now and a sound basis for expansion and a possible future FAC bid. Good work. Peanut4 (talk) 18:36, 21 July 2008 (UTC)