Talk:Milk allergy/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: AmericanAir88 (talk · contribs) 00:27, 3 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]


@David notMD: The flu is finally gone! Is the article still going under extensive changes before I should review it or is now a good time? AmericanAir88 (talk) 14:26, 20 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Please start the process. I believe the article is stable enough that the review will not trigger massive additions or subtractions. David notMD (talk) 15:34, 20 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Issues[edit]

@David notMD: Starting! I sincerely apologize for the delay. I am finally back to work and my schedule is normal again. Thank you for your patience. AmericanAir88 (talk) 16:31, 3 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

OK. I have no travel/away plans, so will be able to respond in timely fashion. David notMD (talk) 18:02, 3 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Try your hardest to fill more of the info-box out.
Classifications moved from External links to info-box. This matches system seen at Egg allergy, Peanut allergy and Nut allergy. David notMD (talk) 11:51, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first sentences of the intro are awkward as it gives only one sentence of definition before it impulsively moves to symptoms. The opening sentences need to be more definition and background. Take a look at some of the sentence starters. "Presentations may include" doesn't seem like the best choice.
Revised first paragraph, with more lead-in before getting to symptoms. David notMD (talk) 22:27, 9 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Revised lead-in again. Doc James reverted what I did because he wants the lead to start with the words Milk allergy I retained that, but added sentences between the first sentence and the beginnings of the symptoms text. David notMD (talk) 17:15, 10 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph of the intro needs to be reworked majorly. It is full of sentences that go nowhere and grammar mistakes.
You are so right. What happened here is that other editors changed text after I revised the lead, but it was still my responsibility to review it before proposing a Good Article nomination. Split second paragraph into two. David notMD (talk) 22:27, 9 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The third paragraph limits your audience as it is mostly talking about babies. Make it more universal.
Moved one sentence out of Lead, to prognosis, and tried to add more on adult allergy. David notMD (talk) 22:27, 9 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Immediate reactions are usually IgE-mediated, whereas delayed reactions may also involve non–IgE-mediated immune mechanisms." Elaborate more.
Covered in what is now first paragraph of the Signs and symptoms section. David notMD (talk) 04:09, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Define IgE and Non IgE more; Some sections make it confusing without definition. I know it is defined in "Mechanisms" but you mention it several times in the above section
Added more text to explain the difference.
  • "Why some proteins trigger allergic reactions while others do is not entirely clear, although in part thought to be due to resistance to digestion. Because of this, intact or largely intact proteins reach the small intestine, which has a large presence of white blood cells involved in immune reactions." Awkward Sentence
Two sentences, actually, at 49 words, but now two sentences shortened to 38 words. David notMD (talk) 02:19, 10 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Prevention" needs a better start.
Rewrote start of prevention. I concur that the existing first sentence had looped around on itself. Shortened that, and added a new first sentence to define what is meant by 'prevention.'
  • Third paragraph of "Prevention" is very confusing as it goes off-topic.
Revised/shortened, but may need more work David notMD (talk) 11:28, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Desensitization via oral immunotherapy holds some promise but is still being actively researched (see Research)." Rework to make it sound more encyclopedic
First paragraph of Treatment revised, and one citation added. David notMD (talk) 22:59, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Beyond the obvious (anything with milk, cheese, cream, butter, or yogurt in the name)" Could be worded better.
Revised first paragraph of Avoiding dairy and added a list of non-obvious foods. David notMD (talk) 04:09, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Another editor has removed the table. Pros and cons on the value of such a table have been a topic of an earlier debate. See extensive comments below the check-off table. I will try to resolve this after addressing your other initial set of comments. David notMD (talk) 11:44, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Cross-reactivity with Soy" Talks about "Various Websites". That is not encyclopedic. Elaborate on this.
Revised text. David notMD (talk) 11:28, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The entire first paragraph of "Cross-reactivity with soy" needs a rewrite as it contains sentences such as ""There is at least one U.S. state government website that presents the same concept."
Revised text. David notMD (talk) 11:28, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "To meet FALCPA labeling requirements, when an ingredient is derived from a major food allergen, its “food source name” must necessarily appear just once in the list of ingredients. For example, “casein (milk)”." Rework.
Revised this next-to-last sentence in the first paragraph of Regulations David notMD (talk) 15:01, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Second paragraph of "Regulation of labeling" becomes bias.
Revised second paragraph to attribute the discussion to the citations. David notMD (talk) 15:41, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As of 2014" Try and update if you can.
No citations available to update this content. Added Popping 2018, which states that the EU intends to regulate PAL. David notMD (talk) 12:23, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first sentence of "Prognosis" needs to be reworked.
What is wrong with "Milk allergy typically presents in the first year of life."
  • "This is not the same beef allergy that is seen primarily in the southeastern United States, triggered by being bitten by a Lone Star tick". How does this relate to Milk Allergies?
Deleted. David notMD (talk) 11:28, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Milk allergies are usually observed in infants and young children, and often disappear with age (see Prognosis)" Rework to make it sound more encyclopedic (Remove the "see Prognosis")
"(see Prognosis)" deleted and all of Epidemiology text revised to read more clearly. David notMD (talk) 21:19, 11 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Need better sentence starts for "Society and culture"
Changed. Does it need more change? David notMD (talk) 18:08, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The evidence was not consistent." Elaborate more on using the sources or else it becomes bias.
Deleted the sentence. The citations remain, as are used elsewhere in the article.David notMD (talk) 18:08, 8 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

All issues all fixed

Comment: added three images.David notMD (talk) 16:33, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Review Table[edit]

Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. Check
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. Check
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. Check
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). Check
2c. it contains no original research. Check
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. Check
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. Check
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). Check
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. Check
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. Edit war solved
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. Check
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. Check
7. Overall assessment. Pass

Closing Comments[edit]

Congratulations on passing. Your dedication and hard work was fantastic. I hope we can work together in the near future. Have a fantastic day. If you need any help on anything just ask. If you want me to take a look at any other articles you have for review, I will be more than happy to. Thank you. AmericanAir88 (talk) 03:12, 15 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

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