Talk:Parallels (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1
GA Review[edit]
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 14:27, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 14:27, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- "with an uncredited addition" This isn't fully clear to me.
- "a bat'leth tournament" Is bat'leth not the name of the weapon? You wouldn't say "a sword tournament". Also, as that's not an English word, you should be italicising, shouldn't you? (Other examples of that elsewhere in the article.)
- Bat'leth is actually the English version of the name of the sword, betleH is the Klingon. The tournament is referred to as a bat'leth tournament in the episode, so I stuck with it for the article. As far as I'm aware, there is a seperate word used for these types of tournaments. You're right about sword - at best they'd either specify the type of sword or perhaps simply a swordmanship tournament, fencing tournament or kenjutsu etc. I'm just not aware of a Klingon/English word which would effectively mean "to bat'leth". Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- "It was originally intended to focus" How about "[Whoever] originally intended to focus the episode [or "Parallels"] on"
- "in order to make the differences more obvious across the timelines" I don't follow
- "some of the highest for the season" One of, surely?
- "both Dorn and Sirtis" Who's Sirtis? (S)he is yet to be introduced.
- "Forcas III" A planet?
- Changed to "the planet Forcas III)"?
- "Worf's confusion leads to the Enterprise being damaged by a Cardassian attack" How?
- "was killed in "The Best of Both Worlds"," Some people get a bit worried about dropping in-and-out of universe like this; perhaps this could be moved to an explanatory footnote?
- "he is essentially a Worf from a different universe" Why "essentially"?
- (I've copyedited the plot a little- please check I've gotten it right.)
- "Also in the original plan for the episode, the producers would have sought to bring back Denise Crosby as Tasha Yar, but after they felt that this would have made the episode resemble "Yesterday's Enterprise", she was instead replaced with Wil Wheaton as Wesley Crusher" This needs attention. (The bit in the lead is also a bit odd. How important is this information?)
- The significance of the Crusher appearance is unclear to me; I'm guessing that the character was dead by this point in the series?
- " After being included in "Parallels", it was decided to introduce that relationship properly during the final season of The Next Generation." Clumsy.
- "crazy" is too colloquial.
- "the Argus Array" ??
- "Deep Space 5 was a re-dress of Regula One" Italics?
- This came up during the nominating of "Rejoined" at FAC - funnily enough space stations shouldn't be in italics. I presume because it's a base rather than a ship - I'd previously always put them in italics, but I was wrong - i.e. International Space Station. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- "and said that Sirtis and Dorn had good chemistry added to praise regarding Dorn's comic timing" Clumsy
- Is there nothing else worth including from the Collura source?
- There are a couple of passing mentions in The Physics of Star Trek which may be worth including. So too in Star Trek: The Human Frontier. These are both from scholarly publishers. Living with Star Trek: American Culture and the Star Trek Universe has a mention; I've not heard of the publisher. See Chapter 7 of Contextual Media: Multimedia and Interpretation, which contains analysis of the episode. Lots of false positives, but some interesting stuff there.
- Only a very brief mention in Living with Star Trek, basically says that "Parallels" is a multiform story before quickly moving on to talk about "Yesterday's Enterprise". I have added a short Themes section based on the other two hits - although I have to admit, I'm no physicist, so I've only added that which I felt I could confidently transcribe. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- Have you checked Nexis? I don't have access right now for some reason, but there may be something of value there.
The writing it a little patchy in places, but I think it's OK for GAC purposes other than what I've listed above. Please double-check my edits. Nice work! Josh Milburn (talk) 15:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- Thanks for reviewing J, I always appreciate it. It is rather annoying that everytime I go through a review recently I get reminded about three more articles I should work on prior to the 50th Anniversary in September. Now I've got "Best of Both Worlds" on the brain. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- Great, thanks for the quick response. I really want to go through the article in detail again; do let me know if you're keen to get this through particularly quickly and I'll redouble my efforts, but I may otherwise be a few days. Josh Milburn (talk) 15:48, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
Ok, I've had another look through. I'm afraid I still don't know what "the Argus Array prop" means. Other than that, I'm happy that this is ready to be promoted. Josh Milburn (talk) 10:13, 2 April 2016 (UTC)
- I've clarified - it was a space station model built for a previous episode - I thought it was "The Wounded", but I just checked and it was actually for The Nth Degree (Star Trek: The Next Generation). The model got used for a variety of different space stations, although rarely do the sources specifically say so. Miyagawa (talk) 12:23, 4 April 2016 (UTC)
- Great stuff. I'm happy to promote at this time. Nice work, as ever. Josh Milburn (talk) 12:51, 9 April 2016 (UTC)