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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment[edit]

This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 20 August 2018 and 3 December 2018. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Jgraha17.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 03:12, 18 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Review by User: Germanboi87[edit]

Your lead is short but good. It has all the necessary information and it makes the reader want to continue reading.
It has a very clear structure.
Maybe you can include other parts of his career.
Your content is neutral.
All your sources seem reliable and peer-reviewed.
Great work so far, I think with a little more work you can make it to the front page. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Germanboi87 (talk • contribs) 14:24, 4 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Review by User: Jisbell2[edit]

-This could be made into separate paragraphs with more distinct ideas throughout it, but the first part does make a fairly good lead.

- It seems to have most of the ideas you will need, but it just needs more information on the ideas you have.

-You have some pretty good sources, but it will do good to get a few more.

-This is a very good start to an article and can be made into a good article overall, just with the addition of some things.

-You may want to add the part about the guy he hit into the same paragraph about the crash.

Review by User: LikesPickles[edit]

-date of birth and death is confusing with birthplace in the middle

-Minor spelling(to not too)

-the photographer is suddenly brought up. I think it'd fit better in the sentence about how the car hit the guard-wall.

-That"s all. Good article :) LikesPickles (talk) 16:38, 1 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Review by User: Amay1355[edit]

-I enjoyed the lead. It is a tad short, but we are still working!

-I personally would not use "badly", to explain the broken legs, but that's just me. :)

-The part about how he got his name was really interesting!

-I am enjoying this article! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Amay1355 (talk • contribs) 00:50, 5 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

More[edit]

I redid a change I had made to the lead earlier: you need a lead and main text; you had combined both into a somewhat indigestible chunk of words. If his death is noteworthy, and it is because it was written up, give it a separate section. But obviously this just needs a lot more text, with references and all. Dr Aaij (talk) 01:44, 3 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, please get rid of the all-caps in those article titles. Dr Aaij (talk) 01:44, 3 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]