Talk:Tropical Storm Bret (1993)/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Cyclonebiskit (talk · contribs) 18:50, 1 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

General note
  • Monetary values need to be consistent. Given that multiple currencies are involved, USD should be shown as US$ before the value, with the standard {{refn}} noting that all units are in 1993 values of their respective currencies.
  • Done. That should probably be a standard thing for all articles. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Lede
  • Though Bret was only a weak tropical storm, it caused extreme flooding and nearly 200 deaths as it moved through the southern Caribbean Sea, mostly in Venezuela. – Stating "nearly 200 deaths" for the "southern Caribbean Sea" is a bit misleading. Probably should indicate that it's specific to South America to avoid potential geography confusion.
  • Need a sentence or two on aftermath in the lede (I'm noticing a theme with you, mister)
  • Bah, aftermath is always so similar! That's why I don't often to care to add it :P But I will, especially if this article goes to FAC down the line. I also added a mention to Gert. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Meteorological history
  • General note: I'm noticing that "although" and "however" are used quite a bit throughout this section, possibly excessively so. Should look into rewording various sentences to reduce this.
  • However, the circulation became exposed late on August 6, although the thunderstorms soon refired over the center. – Two conjunctive adverbs in the same sentence (i.e. double usage of contrast). Needs to be reworded and/or split.
  • The inflow to the south was disrupted by the mountainous terrain to the south, although Bret maintained its circulation while continuing westward... – Department of redundancy department. Also needs to be reworded to avoid consecutive usage of "although".
Preparations
  • In general, Bret was forecast to track farther north than it ultimately did. – Did this result in watches/warnings being issued too far north? Otherwise this bit feels out of place and may be better suited in the met. hist.
  • Yes, actually. The watches went up to Dominica, and the warnings went up to Saint Lucia. The storm wasn't even near there. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In Trinidad and Tobago, the government set up shelters and sent home non-essential oil workers. – When? Dates in general are needed for various pieces in this section, in my opinion. If you disagree, feel free to ignore this comment.
  • I feel dates aren't necessary, so long as it happens before the storm arrives. I'm not sure whether the government set up shelters on August 6th or the 7th, but I don't think it would help the reader that much if I found it. JMHO. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Impact
  • An oil tanker rode out the storm at Coveñas port, with no effects to it or the nation's oil industry. – Not sure if it's worth mentioning that nothing happened, but I guess it's better than not having info.
  • Yea, that was literally the only other thing I could find for Colombia. I also think the lack of impact there helps show how different impacts can be in neighboring countries. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The capital city Caracas wind gusts of around 31 to 37 mph (50 to 60 km/h) – I think you [forgot] a word.
  • However, the storm's rainfall was more significant. followed by The heavy rainfall was the most significant aspect of Tropical Storm Bret in Venezuela. at the start of the next paragraph. Probably should reword the second one to jive more with the impact, i.e. "the heavy rainfall was the most destructive aspect..." or something to that effect.
  • On the offshore Isla Margaria, the rains flooded the primary hospital, and rivers overflowed, although damage was minimal. Heavy rainfall caused damaging mudslides and flooding, and entire houses buried in the middle of the night with little notice. – Abruptly shifts into discussion mainland impacts without warning. Needs something to notify the reader that the bit on Isla Margaria is over.
  • That's what I get for writing as I discover sources. Sometimes I forget to improve flow :P ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Summary of effects at the end of the Venezuela section should have larger numbers first (homeless in Barinas state before Caracas). Injuries should also be listed alongside fatalities rather than homeless.
  • At least 19 people perished in Miranda state, and another three deaths were reported in Aragua due to landslides. – Seems more fitting for this bit to be near the Petare piece in the preceding paragraph.
Aftermath
  • Officials sent medical crews to the hardest hit areas, with an increased potential for the spread of water-born diseases due to ongoing floods and damaged sanitation facilities. – Wording feels a bit off to me...not entirely sure the two clauses fit together well in a single sentence.

As always an enjoyable read, Hurricanehink and Hylian Auree. Some issues here and there that need correcting before I can pass the article. I'm placing it on hold accordingly. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 19:57, 1 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks so much :D ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:40, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • Pardon the slight delay (as usual :P ). Looks good now, happy to pass the article. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 13:21, 8 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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